Man, I gotta say that this thread is pretty damn wierd. If it was... I'm ****ing sick of blacks or Asians or Christians or gays or Jews or whatever, this thing would blow up with pissed off people from one side or the other. But an entire gender??? Hell, you guys would freak out if someone said "I'm sick of ****ing Rocket fans" but you won't come to the aid of the gender that gave birth to you? Rocket River, I'm particularly surprised by you. You'll defend the rights of your own race come hell or high water but to hell with a whole gender??? Has any of you ever considered the possibility that your problem isn't the women, but your attitudes? I understand that sometimes **** happens and not everyone is perfect. People make mistakes. PEOPLE make them - that includes women, men, children, all races, all religions, you name it. If you have a re-occurring problem, whatever it is or whomever it is with, maybe you might consider examing why it keeps happeing. I mean, you don't keep trying to cram your size 11 feet into size 8's, right? The irony is that many of you will decry the abuses you suffer at the hands of those malicious females, but the first decent-looking one who even glances within 10 feet of your current position, you'll be fantasizing about her for a month.
That is true Jeff, and I totally agree. But what I mean is that I am sick of relationships. My relationships have sucked for a little too long (which is too much of a coincidence to be anyone else's fault but my own). This one was one I really didn't want to get into in the first place, due to that knowledge; but because of this girl (this wonderful girl), I finally allowed myself to get involved. I don't mean any disrespect to women at all, it's just that I'm heterosexual and all the people I've dated have so far been classified under that gender. And subsequently, all the women I've dated so far have ended up hurting me. But Juan, my story is this: I've known this girl for 3 years now. She has had an interest in me since the day we met. I never really got to know her until after my little 2 year fiasco with the state of Texas, so it has been only the last year that she has started to grow on me. I had a policy though, one identical to your "More to life" policy. So alongside her, I was turning down any person I began to date. I would just date people a few times and then turn invisible after a week or so. That was intentional, knowing meanness. So I'm tripping now when I finally let myself experience the unparalleled joy of letting yourself go with a person you totally trust. My problem now is that she's breaking my trust by not answering phone calls, disappearing for days at a time, then telling me she "really misses" me and she "needs to see" me; only to sell me out and leave me sitting at home waiting on her (last night) after she's made a commitment to a communication-based outing because "we need to talk" (my words). I guess you could say I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, but I'm really not. The only reason why I would date people for just a week or so and then bail is that I didn't want either of us getting attached. I'm just upset because I'm about to have to break up with this girl if I don't hear some amazing excuse for last night (the second time she's done me like that in a week), and I feel like I betrayed myself by leaving myself open for some drama like this. Like Eminem says in one of his songs: "We'll be friends. I'll call you again. Then I'll start chasing you around every bar you attend. Never know what kind of car I'll be in. We'll see how much you'll be partying then. You don't want that. Neither do I." But he does say in the same song "Maybe I'll love you one day, maybe we'll someday grow." Who knows.
That was the original question I posed. I made sure to include that (or men) part because the thread title was made specific to my own experiences, which no one here shares. So I wanted to cover the "I am f-ing tired of men!" threads and the "I am f-ing tired of martians" threads, or basically whatever it is that has hurt you and you ended up stereotyping as "bad". Not because I believe that's what people should do, but because that's how I felt at the moment (and still do), and I don't want to feel like that. I know posters like Jeff and MsJB will help get me (and other hurt people) back in the right mind frame. Thanks guys.
Dallas: This really wasn't meant as a shot directly at you. I know you added men too and I TOTALLY understand the "sick of relationships" issue. They are work and sometimes it is good to be alone. I guess I was just surprised that no one even suggested that women, in general, may not be the sole problem for their grief.
Jeff, You know that this is a board populated mostly by straight guys. That means that their relationships will be with women. There where posters who said that they loved their wife/gf. Don't tell me women don't b**** about guys, 'cause I know they do.
So? What difference does it make if some women b**** about guys? Some don't. Big deal. My point is that there is an awful lot of griping going on by guys who will very likely turn right around and get into another relationship. What does b****ing about women in here do to fix the problem that your relationships keep going sour? Unfortunately, this seems to be the most common progression... 1. Meet girl. 2. Fall in love. 3. Behave exactly as you always have. 4. Girl leaves. 5. Be sad. 6. Be angry. 7. Blame it on her. 8. Swear of women forever. 9. Repeat. If you went to your boss and said, "I've been trying to fix this problem for the past week," and he responds, "Well, what have you been doing?" You say, "Pretty much the same thing over and over again but it never seems to work." If he's patient, he'd say, "Why don't you try something else?" If not, you'd get fired. How is this any different? This behavior happens for both men and women. It is gender neutral. To think that one is just screwed up and that's the reason for your problems is simply to invite misery into your life again and again and again.
There is a precedent for a whole gender being screwed up. Eve was pretty much the only woman, and thus, when she screwed up, the whole gender was at fault.
I totally agree with you on that Jeff. The more you say, the more it sounds like me. That's exactly my cheif complaint with women - I have to like them. I just want one that can put an end to that process, and I have been trying whatever different it takes with this one, yet I got the same results all over again. I don't know man, I'm gonna go talk to this girl and tell her everything that's on my mind. And if that doesn't work, I'm gonna repeat the whole process again with a different one because that's the only way I can fathom a relationship working out. I'm gonna try to make the variable in this non-equating formula not be me. What the hell did I just say?
Well . . . maybe your are right.. But it did not take this to mean WOMEN BAD! . . . Just general frustrations with relationships. By and large I have little to no problem with women . . . except in the relationship mode. If i'm not in a relationship with them . . . they ok. [they have their mores and folkways but . .. nothing severe]. In a relationship . . they are a totally different monster. I know my limitations. I know me. I have DEEP SEEDED trust issues to begin with . . . this is reflected in my post. If the tread said I am f*cking Tired of Blacks. . . I probably would be a bit more upset. . . it i saw someone vent frustration at an incident . . . . I would probably say HEY! that isn't all blacks. So I can say HEY! not all women are like that. I think that is obvious. HOWEVER, I will never advise someone to throw all their trust into ANYONE . .. not without a variable level of time. [including black folx] . SO FOR THE RECORD: I DO NOT HATE WOMEN! I DO NOT CONDONE HATRED OF WOMEN!! I DO NOT THINK ALL WOMEN ARE ANYTHING! I HAVE KNOWN QUITE A FEW NICE AND LOVELY WOMEN. I HAVE HAD EXCELLENT RELATIONSHIPS THAT JUST DID NOT LEAD TO MARRIAGE. that being said. Just watch your back in all cases. Also, as a friend of mine says [a woman mind you] . . . . EVERYONE SHOULD CLAIM THEIR 50%. If the relationship is problemed. . . claim your 50% of the responsibility. Becuase YOU CHOSE THAT WOMAN. for whatever reason. If she lied cheated and stole from you. . . to an extent. You chose her . . so at least accept that much of the blame and reconsider your lack of judgement. Rocket River
For the record: I love women. All of em. I don't have a type. I think they're all awesome. I've hated a woman before, but not before I loved her first. Jeff, your work: relationship analogy reminds me of that old definition of insanity (don't remember where it's from), that goes "Insanity is the practice of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
DT - you are more successful when you are a challenge. You become tiresome when you are clingy and needy. She has had an interest in me since the day we met. I never really got to know her until after my little 2 year fiasco with the state of Texas, so it has been only the last year that she has started to grow on me. I had a policy though, one identical to your "More to life" policy. So alongside her, I was turning down any person I began to date. I would just date people a few times and then turn invisible after a week or so. That was intentional, knowing meanness. So I'm tripping now when I finally let myself experience the unparalleled joy of letting yourself go with a person you totally trust. My problem now is that she's breaking my trust by not answering phone calls, disappearing for days at a time, then telling me she "really misses" me and she "needs to see" me; only to sell me out and leave me sitting at home waiting on her (last night) after she's made a commitment to a communication-based outing because "we need to talk" (my words). arf Have self-respect, and self-control. Do not try to "talk". No one wants to "talk" - ever. Be confident in what you want. This one can take a hike. Let her call you, or say "hi" if you bump up. Going "invisible" for a while isn't mean - it's smart. No need to be permanently inviso - like you will be if you ever try to "talk". Waiting a week or so after a date keeps thisngs fresh. No need for things to get heavy for a long, long while. Best wishes.
Ref, Thats exactly what I'm going through. Normalcy, as I have known it for over a year, is gone. I no longer have this knowing peace that regardless of what I went through during the day, the person I finally let into my innermost being would be there. Now, everyday takes on a life of its own. I find myself over-analyzing everything that happened. I'm trying to stay focused on law school and my job, but I feel so hollow right now. If you don't mind relaying a little of what you went through, I think it would really help me.
I always hear that one at my Narcotics Anonymous meetings, I think it may have spawned from AA. pasox, You're absolutely right, but that is what I started off doing with this girl for the first 4 or 5 months. We hooked up for the first time back at the first of the year. We never really made it exclusive until she confronted me about it one night and I had been realizing that I liked her a lot. So we got involved in a long-term, in-it-for-the-long-haul thing and I started to get used to it. That's where I went wrong with this one.
Ref and Jlaw, I definitely know that feeling as well. That's why I've shied away from real relationships for so long until now. But don't do the same thing as me, it's not worth it. It's SOOOOOO much better when you are living for two instead of just one. The only problem with that is it creates a contrast you would have never seen before when (if) the relationship ends. You can get through that part by seeing what you took from it. Learn or you're not living. Learn, and you will know better of what to do next time.
Jeff, I read the post as some venting about a relationship gone sour. I seriously doubt that it was meant as an indictment of all women. As such I thought it would be relevent to point out that women vent about guys all of the time as well. I can understand where you are coming from if you took it as a bunch of guys who hate women and think that the reason that their relationships fail is because women suck (or don't ). I just not read that as the intended purpose. I saw this as more like a ZRB reaction to a Rocket's loss type post, if you see what I mean.
I'd be more than happy to. Email me via my profile and I'll answer anything you have to ask. Or ICQ me 6202040.
DT, Thats really good advice. Intellectually, I know you are right on the money..... emotionally, its still hard to accept in a way. I wish you the best in getting through your situation, man. Its freakin' hard but I know you'll be able to do it.
If anybody here is religious I offer the following to console you... When I went through a bad breakup during my first year of law school a buddy of mine told me something that really made sense. "If you are in a situation that is not the right one for you, then God will get you out of it regardless of how much it sucks." This allowed me to put it into perspective. It didn't heal the pain I felt or make things make sense...but it did give me the thought that the right situation would eventually find me and God was setting that up.
