You guys are nuts. When you marry somebody, you marry their family. If you want a racist in your life 24/7, and never be accepted by your in-laws, then knock yourself out. To me however, life is too short.
Others may believe that there may be one soulmate for each of us. If it happens to be Emilie for finalsbound, then your advice really sucks. finalsbound, Its hard to imagine your experience in 2002, but I guess it unfortunately is still possible. Do what you feel is right, but be aware that some things, even if right, may not be easy. Regarding Dad, people, even ignorant ones, can change over time. Don't expect the change, but people like you could very well be the solution.
One of my grandfathers was a racist. The other was a raging alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic. I wasn't allowed to choose them, but I dealt with it. Life is full of that kind of stuff. Nothing good in life comes without effort.
The parents of one of my ex-girlfriends decided they didn't like me without ever having met me, because I was white. Nice. It definitely hurts when that stuff happens. I can't imagine how bad that must have felt for you, finalsbound-- must have been 1000 times worse.
You bleeding hearts kill me. Soulmate?? Are you serious? Marriage is hard work, and belief in fairy tales won't help you make a long lasting relationship work. If you want to increase your chances of unhappiness by deliberately choosing a difficult situation, go right ahead. btw, you can't choose your father or grandfather, so I don't see how their shortcomings apply here.
I think the social stigmas of interracial dating will always exist for some people, outdates as they may be. I don't know that I would ever date someone outside my own race, because I've never been put in that situation, but I have absolutely nothing against others dating outside their own race. If the right person came along and they happened not to be white, I'd strongly explore such a relationship. But, in the end, if two people are right for each other, they should be together, regardless of race. This racist crap makes me sick, and I'm sorry you had to go through that experience finalsbound. But, I wouldn't give up on the relationship yet, unless Emilie is unwilling to continue forward.
finalsbound -- keep seeing her! If you give up because of her father, then he and his racism win. Interracial dating is totally cool by me. I hope it works out for the two of you. Keep up with it. Inspired by Jeff's post, I thought I'd include a pertinent poem. <i><blockquote> Still I Rise By Mya Angelo You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own backyard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise </blockquote></i>
I guess for weak people, that might be an issue. I have racists in my family...I married a non-white woman. Yawn. Oh well...they have problems, then they are out of my life. How would finalsbound be dealing with this idiot "24/7," anyway? Will dad live with him?
You guys are nuts. When you marry somebody, you marry their family. If you want a racist in your life 24/7, and never be accepted by your in-laws, then knock yourself out. To me however, life is too short. Or perhaps if its the right girl, the drawbacks are worth it.
I used to consider myself a diehard Democrat, but I think now I'm a fiscal moderate/conservative and a social liberal. I'm pretty adamant about gays having the same rights that non-gays do. If they want to get married, fine by me. If a responsible gay couple wants to adopt a child, have at it. Also, has anyone noticed that it seems to be a bigger stigma if it's a black/white couple vs Asian/Hispanic/white couple? Finals, go get her. But, is this girl willing to make the sacrifices you are?
i have a problem with interracial relationships. obviously you shouldnt have been treated like that though and no one should... but thats the type of stuff you have to deal with if youre going to go into one. i mean walking through the mall holding hands some a-hole is going to stare at you and maybe make a comment or make a judgement call. but if you want to deal with that, thats your choice. i think race is a nice thing to have in common though, in a relationship, for other reasons besides what people think. i dont think ill ever date outside my race. and i have hatred towards no one.
I respect your opinion Holden because I think that it comes from a good, honest place but I couldn't disagree more. I am a father with a daughter and all I want for her is to be happy, no matter what black millionaire doctor she decides to marry . Keep fighting FB because anything worth having is worth working for.
i have a problem. If a girl was pretty and had a great personality, but she wasn't your race. You wouldn't date her? that is racist to a point. My ex-girlfriends mom did want her to date blacks and whites. Even though she was mixed with white and hispanic. Its jus like when that little girl called me a n***** if front of her dad and her dad did nothing. I'm am very proud of anyone that has racist parents and they end up not being racist. It is soooooooooooooooooo stupid. What the hell matters. Even my own color can be racist, my best friends mom was racist against mexicans. I did not respect her at all. It makes me soooooooooooooooo mad. I wanna scream...................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#@$$%^%^&#^%&%^&%^&^%$^$%mother$#@$%#$^%$^%$^$%&^% man i hate it. I have seen it happen so much. THEY ALL NEED TO BURN IN HELL IF THEY CAN'T LOVE A PERSON FOR HO THEY ARE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MUCH THEY GO TO CHURCH THEY WILL STILL BURN IN HELL, BECAUSE GOD JUDGES PEOPLES HEARTS AND IF THEY ARE RACIST THEY MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP CHURCH CAUSE THEY ARE WASTING THEIR TIME!!!!! I'm done venting now.
Holden, could you elaborate? I find your concerns with what other people do pretty peculiar. tbagain: did you choose your wife? mail order style? Or did you bash her over the head with a club? A good, spiritual and intimate relationship tbagain is something... imo, that emerges from a spiritual friendship. You don't choose those things. You don't flip a switch of love anymore than you flip a switch on your religion. But perhaps from your moniker I should assume you disagree... What I expect of love and what I expect of an all encompassing religion, is tantamount to getting pulverized by a ****ing train and finding yourself breathless. Perhaps for you its work, perhaps for you, you need to remind yourself of things, by making monikers like 'brushmyteeth'. But those of us that have it, have it. And don't ****ing insult our loves by insinuating that we should just give up on things just to ****ing justify your petty, lazy, views on life. I pity you. And I worship my wife. finalsbound, good luck to you.
Finalsbound, I really empathize with you man. I don't feel like posting my story in your thread. Laugh it off. Any other reaction would just get you pissed off bad. Leave it to God to judge and don't let this guy get to you. You don't deserve that. So just laugh it off as one of life's crazy things. As for the girl, she sounds hot. Tbagain is from the old school of thought. I respectly think he is mostly wrong, but it is his opinion. You don't have to take it as truth. He does have a point though, for family CAN have a big impact on marriage. It's not a definite. So you should talk to her about it. That's probably the best thing to do. Communicate. If she feels it can never work out in the long run because of her family, than that would suck, but that would be the way it is. If she she feels differently (which seems like the case here), then you and her could have a future. There's no good reason to give up now though.
In my opinion, there is some undue harshness here towards tb. This girl is not the love of finalsbound's life; he's only known her two weeks. achebe a romantic? whoda thought it..... tb's not the lazy ass one, he's the one working on his relationship rather than drifting with the current down the river of love. that being said, go for it finalsbound. Just understand that this factor of non-acceptance may never change and you will have to live with that. On the other hand, we could be naively optimistic and just know that this problem will go away.
What did he say? Be ye not unequally yoked? That passage talks about your faith, not your skin color. You have to take things in the Bible in context - not just one phrase to prove your point. I *hate* it when people do that!
Is she a Rockets fan? Take her dad to a game. lol! Now, who on this board said racism doesn't exist anymore. My dad and stepdad are both racist, too. And they would have said the very same thing to you finalsbound. that said, I've found it happen the other way around, too. I've had a tough time with fathers of black girls I dated, or her friends. Although, they did not demean me like you, not even close to the frontal abuse you took. A married couple friends of mine have a real tough time at holiday's and stuff. He's black/She's white. He is just frustrated, and once told me that he's had it. That he was going to point out stupid racist remarks to his side of the family no matter what the occassion and say he doesnt' appreciate it, and it should stop. Talk about it. That's the only way. You can't let family slide, just to be quiet and keep your head in the sand. So, do you think she'll have a chance in hell of talking to her father about it. You'll have to talk to him, otherwise she's going to have to rip herself from him. Look at it this way, it is no more difficult that what homesexuals have to deal with when coming out of the closet with some parents. "I want to marry this black man, daddy." "I want to marry this woman, daddy." You can make it work, but it will take time with the parents. good luck A relationship based on shared Christian values and Rockets fanaticism is a nice way to break ground in interracial relationships. tbagain, You assume she likes her father much to begin with, or like who her father wants her to marry. She may never being able to please him, just like some gay men can never please their dad with who they choose. Sometimes, often actually, marriages strain family relationships. You have to deal with it. It isn't special just because it is interracial, and it isn't worth living your life trying to find a relatioinship that all in-laws give their blessing to. It is too hard just to find someone you love. In-laws can get over it. btw: for all the rough times that it will impose with in-laws, there will be *instant* bonding with others people that don't exist with same-race marriages, even inside the family. Hell, fb here might hit it off splendedly with her crazy aunt, just because he's black...lol!! Or her bro's may like him special, more than a dorky Texas A&M boyfriend that her dad likes. lol! A lot of rewarding thigns will happen just because it is a not a "normal" relationship. Not to make a big deal about it, but if you want to live a life of transcending race, that's a good starting point. I really enjoy involvement in different cultures, whether that is different races or not. If I really enjoy Spain (which I do), marrying a Spainish girl and moving to Spain is a good way to enjoy it more. Now, what if that father wants her to marry only good-ole Spaniard boys. NOt really much different. If I really enjoy Texas women, it adds a little to marry one. If I enjoy black heritage, culture, history, food, song, way of life, marrying a black women with a family of that is a valid part of choosing a happy, fulfilling life. imo, you are making too big a deal about the hardtimes of life in this type of marriage.
finalsbound -- I'm so sorry that is happening to you. If you guys truly love each other, there is no reason you should be apart. I keep thinking about MLK saying he looked forward to the day where people would be judged by the content of their character and not the color of their skin. I'll pray for you guys and, as hard as it might be, you should try to pray for her father...he's hardened his heart and he needs someone to pray for him. God has some remarkable ways of working things out through prayer.
