A year ago I made a promise. I said to someone I was going to leave my current occupation and move on in life to something "better". Keep in mind I had an occupation that supported me, I was good at, had extreme job security, and allowed me to continue my schooling (post graduate work). I changed careers and my life not for money, or prestige. I think there are reasons why you do things and then there are the real reasons you do things and sometimes you have to reflect and decide what are the real reasons you did what you did. I changed my career, my life to show someone people change. More so, I wanted to show, to let it be known there are people who will not sacrifice their principles. And most of all there was at least on some level selfless love. Not the sort of I'm going to be with you because you work for me sort of love, or any other sort but the kind where its only about you in so far as you are concerned with the others well being. Flash forward to today. I have been teaching in the public school system for over a year and can tell you it has been one of the most draining experiences of my life. I have 11 and 12 graders who can't solve the most basic problems. I easily spend 12 to 15 hours a day working and weekends spent grading if not tutoring at the school. I can honestly say I have poured everything into helping these children and can say the return is minimum. I started in the middle of the school year so the bonus of anywhere between 5000 to 10000 that all the other teachers get at the start of the year is no where to be found on my pay check. The aspire money that other teachers get is no where to be found on my pay check. I got real sick and was out of school for a month and wasn't paid for two weeks and the crappy insurance left me with a huge medical bill. The children I have dedicated my life to ask me why I am so nice to them making me worry if they think I'm out for more than being a good teacher. In addition, I neglect much of the paper work aspect of teaching because I rather help a student till 7 30 then sit and make sure my attendance is correct so I can be seen as a lousy a teacher as well. My family and friends barely know anything about me because I'm always at the school and the person that I mentioned I did all of this for well she disappeared from my life after I got real sick. Even my mom turns to me and tells me to stop complaining about how much you work. So I'm sitting the other day at this restaurant eating these real bad mozzarella sticks and I come to realization about everything. No one cares. You devote yourself to being noble, doing something you think will impact the world and no one gives a crap. The kids don't really care and see me as a sap they can always go to at the last minute to milk a stupid system (I will not go into how messed up our public education system really is). You help because you know it's the only way they will get some sort of education. Your friends don't care because hell they don't even really know you anymore. Your parent doesn't care because to them you are just whiney. And the one person you did all of this doesn't even give you the time of day to tell you why it doesn't matter to them. So the question is this. Do you keep fighting? When no one cares, when the results won't register, when the fight is a good fight but you know you won't win, do you keep fighting? And if you don't, if you compromise, give up that something, what are you really left with?
Just hang in there, life just keeps throwing bricks at you but you can't never give up and let it pelt you to death. Just keep on fighting, your time will come soon. Good luck.
Maybe you should try to teach younger kids who haven't been so entrenched in a habit of lackluster effort. Younger kids are more impressionable youth. Once you get to the final years of schooling, kids are hard to change.
I hear ya. I took on an entirely different job than my degree a year and a half ago. Started at the bottom with substandard wage. I did it because I wanted to learn programming and make things I could consider my own. After some of my friends and coworkers were laid off, the job took a different course, where I worked more and took more responsibilities thinking I'd get a raise by the end of last year. I did, but it was nothing more than getting benefits and fulltime status. I was furious, and I wanted to quit. With the economy as it was, I sucked it up, decided to learn as much as I could from work, and took even more responsibilities. Even though it was grating on my pride, and how much I resented upper management for the way they worked (every quarter I was on the verge of quitting), I enjoyed the lure of getting closer to my goal and being in an environment that made it possible. And who knows? Maybe in January, I'll be getting a raise at a fair value. If not, I won't be furious this time. In my case, while money was a factor, I didn't notice that I was learning more and doing tasks I never knew I was capable of handling. Hell, I just did it when the moment arose or asked for help to do it. It was a matter of perseverance and letting go of my pride telling me that there were better rational alternatives. It's a subtle change that I didn't realize during the process. It seems like you are beginning yours, should you choose to accept it. You'll get that beginning of the year bonus too. Maybe you're not getting it across to your friends, or it's time to find new ones. I'm 27 and my good old friends are finding their own lives with marriages on the doorstep. It's easy to pigeonhole other teachers, but start forming stronger relationships with all of them. At the very least, they'll know some tricks to balance personal life with the demands of your work. Women can be interesting. Some might claim to cherish the noble pursuit, but it seems that you were a victim to someone who did not realize the commitment it took from you to be genuine about it...it took away from your commitment to her. Not all women are like that. That speaks more of her than about women. While it's easy to blame her, I think you need to hash out what drives you to do things rather than the expectations of what other people want from you. It seems like you're looking for fulfillment through acknowledgement. Teachers have a thankless job, and there are many who have influenced me greatly without me telling them. In the end, it's the jobs we take that define who we are. Remember that in your future relationships. Looking for her to sustain your personal career drive is a recipe for future grief.
Thanks Invisible Fan I appreciate the genuine response. I've sporadically written things here and I've always appreciated your insight. I know what it takes to get out of the office by 5 or 6 and its things I can't do. I refuse to let teacher assistance grade and log in grades into my grade book and while most teachers won't admit it that is how a lot of teachers get the job done and still have time for their own lives. My point in all of this isn't that I'm looking for acknowledgment. These days I don't do anything for any other reason then because it is the best thing to do. The problem is for how long can you do that and to what end. I didn't change my life to get some sort of acknowledgment I changed my life because it was the right thing to do. My disappointment is that she disappeared after i got sick. And you know maybe I wasn't clear before but I think what is eating at me isnt that she faded out of my life. Its that after all these years I don't feel like fighting the noble fight anymore. I don't feel like genuinely busting my butt just to be spit on by the people I'm fighting for. I feel like getting whats mine and to hell with everyone else because most people play the I'm good card til things get rough then they get up and leave. Maybe this isn't what one should do but this is how I feel.... I dont know maybe I'm just rambling
Bottom line, do you enjoy what you are doing? I work 14 hour days sometimes doing research for political campaigns and its absolutely draining but its draining due to work that I enjoy doing. If you arent having fun doing what you are doing then you should reconsider.
The being hard and the being spit on - that's the fight anyone takes on when they're doing something genuinely selfless and noble. That's why so few people do it. That's why it's so easy to take the other road and just jump into the flow with everyone else. At the risk of being flamed for paraphrasing A League of Their Own, "It's supposed to be difficult. If it wasn't, everyone would do it. That's what makes it great." You get your reward, but it won't be instantly. You'll get it when you least expect it, and it will overwhelm you.
Those kids appreciate you more than you know.... Some certainly just don't know how to show it. I agree with the advice in this thread- if you don't love teaching, don't do it. Yes, you can make a great difference in a kid's life, but if you are drained to the point that it makes you miserable, then some of that will begin to carry down into your teaching. It's inevitable. Also, I agree that if the older students don't seem to be the best fit, try working with younger ones if you are set on giving teaching a shot. I work with 4th graders- perfect age for me. I've been teaching for 9 years now, and can't imagine doing anything else. At this age they can start critically thinking, but in some ways are still young enough that they haven't totally soured on school. Finally, starting school in the middle of the year is a b****. I would've never done that. Starting fresh with your students at the beginning of the year can make a big difference. Stay strong, dude.
I've had friends who've taught high school and middle school and were miserable but finally found happiness teaching elementary school.
i worked at a soul-sucking job for over 3 years and it was incredibly depressing. i stayed because the money was great and i was married with kids at the time. i started going to work less and less and eventually stopped going at all. i never saw a therapist, but i'm fairly certain i had the clinical definition of burnout. i then spent the next year drinking and not working. even after starting work again, it took me several months to recover. just my opinion, but i would recommend you find another place to work as soon as possible before it really starts to affect your outlook.
I don't agree with IROC.. I think you need to pursue another path within the same goals and go upon it in a different way. Don't fool yourself into thinking the perseverance will pay off. You will know when you are doing the right thing--maybe the harder thing to do is quit. If you know what you want, but also know your current methods aren't working, you'd be selling yourself short by continuing down the path and expecting a different result. You need to change something, but what that is only you know. I leave the OP with this: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Are you sure about that? It reads like you did this to get a girl...and you didn't get her so now you are questioning the change because all of the rest of it isn't giving you the rewards or satisfaction that you hoped it would. Now, maybe you wish you hadn't made the change at all?
you sound miserable. your work environment will never change. i say change occupation if for nothing else but just for the sake of change. i think it will do your mind some good.
You may not think that you are making a difference to those kids, but the fact that they do question why you are so nice, tells me not many people have been kind to them in the past. Real life will get better, things will balance out. The important thing is not to lose hope. When school is out for breaks, do something that you really enjoy and take that time to recoop. Also, if a woman leaves you when you needed her most, she isn't the type of person you want to spend your time with anyway. You will find someone who is worth it, I have faith that is true. Just hang in there.. things will get better.
Wow. I've thought about ditching my career and going into teaching. I commend you for having the courage to do it. As much as we were told that we can be anything that we want to be, I'm realizing as I get older that I'm simply not capable of being good at everything. It seems silly to say it. If I put my mind to things, yes I can get most things done ...but I don't like to just get things done, I like to be good at it. Usually the only way to be good at something is if you happen to also enjoy doing it. Pick your battles. Is it better to help dozens/hundreds of kids a little bit or transform the life of one kid? Stay in the fight! It's a noble fight ...but redirect your energy in a way that you can enjoy ...which likely will make you more successful. Two great organizations that needs LOTS of help is Big Brother/Big Sister and Neighborhood Centers of Houston. Those are both organizations dedicated to helping children and by and large, these are kids that want to be helped. NCH also does after school tutoring and I'm sure they need help in that dept given your credentials. That would be the best of both worlds because you are teaching kids w/out the paperwork. I'm sure there are plenty of other organizations dedicated to helping children succeed.
