I was having a pretty serious conversation about this with a friend recently. Both of us have had bad experiences with this in the past. Yet, neither of us could come up with a solid answer for this since we both walked away immediately instead of sticking around to find out. The correct decision IMO. Is it once a cheater always a cheater? Or by that point is it just, "I don't care either way stay away from me you B****."
i don't think that necessarily once a cheater, always a cheater. i imagine they can, at some point, mature or their values could change or they find what they've been looking for, or whatever. that said, i'm not wasting my time with a cheater hoping that their done with it. the past informs the future.
I was trying to figure this out a while ago too. I got to this point: 50% of marriages end in divorce (for various reasons including infidelity), so that leaves 50% intact which either (1) never experienced cheating, (2) one or both partners cheated and his/her spouse doesn't know about it or (3) worked through cheating. I looked for causes of divorce to see if I could find how often infidelity was the cause, but the sites I came across said that the real reason for divorce often isn't the reason recorded, so the stats are off. I also found some place that said 24% of dudes and 17% of chicks have reported cheating - and another place that said 68% and 64%. So at best it seems like 1 in every 4 guys, and 1 in every 5 girls. In the end I figured that if you eliminate everybody that has ever cheated with a broad stroke, you'll probably eliminate too many - and those are just the ones you know about. If the chances of being cheated on are high anyway, might as well keep them and have your fun while the getting's good and cross that bridge when we get to it. Who's to say you won't cheat in the future anyway.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that a good portion of people have probably either been cheated on, or have cheated on someone at some point during their life. I think another question to be asked is how do you define cheating?
It's also interesting to think about the number of people who have been cheated on, but never learned about it.
The discrepancy in those poll numbers may very well be because the one with the higher % allowed the person being asked the question(s) to remain anonymous. I found a poll online about infidelity a while back and saw the same thing for the most part. It was something like 25% men and 10% women admitting cheating in an interview where their identities were known. Over the phone, with anonymity, the number of admitted cheaters rose to about 50% for both sexes.
If your partner cheats on you, chances are you're not the perfect person for them. So either discuss your problems and come to an understanding or move on.
Exactly!! I'm pretty sure 90% the reason why someone cheats on someone is not because they are a Skank or Dog. 4 main reasons (but not all the reasons) why someone might cheat on you. ( In no particular order ) 1. Sex (It's not any good) 2. Personality (They never really meshed with yours and probably the only reason why they stuck around was your popularity,money,sex, etc..) 3. Money (Common this is obvious, if your dead broke for a while then how are you going to support your relationship) 4. Your inability to communicate (probably the biggest one but all 4 really make a difference).
I think this question hinges on this. If someone cheated on YOU ONCE . .. i think they will cheat on you again. If someone CHEATED ON SOMEONE ELSE .. . .maybe they learned their lesson The thing is . . . I think a cheater will probably cheat on the same person over and over but in a new relationship ...they would be different because the new person sets different rules/expectations etc not saying this is 100% . . just that it is possible Would you date someone who told you they cheated on their last S.O.? or maybe one 5 yrs back? Rocket River
That's all true right there, Mr. River, sir. Out of the last question's choices, I'd take the one about their last S.O. because I think it would be fresher in their mind and I could help with making them forget about it. I don't know, I'm married!
I think it would be a lot easier to believe that someone could change if the cheating was a one time thing. I think anyone who has had an extended affair is probably likely to cheat again, especially if they're still in the same relationship (as RR mentioned).
I've cheated (when I was younger) and I've been cheated on (once that I know of). But I'm not so naive as to think it hasn't happened more or couldn't happen again. For myself, sometimes I felt remorse and sometimes I knew it was, in part, because I knew the current relationship was over and this was my (admittedly negative) way of dealing with that to help myself get a move on. I'd like to think I've since grown as a person so that I now know not to waste my time or anyone else's. I think most people are far too idealistic about such things. Cheating sucks, but it happens. And if it happens to you, move on. No point in even getting mad about it, imo.
Not defending it, but there are situations where cheating is a rational and justifiable decision without being the action of a wanton gigolo/w**** nor indicative of future behavior. I'm sure if you think about it a while, you can see that for yourself.
sure. you can rationalize and justify and do so without being a gigolo/w****. still wrong and indicative of a serious lack of character.
i think if you are once a cheater, you will always be a cheater WITH THAT PERSON. if you cheated on someone once, it means that you don't respect them enough to not cheat on them and therefore you will probably cheat on them again. however, if you meet the right person that you truly respect and cannot risk losing, it is very possible that you will never cheat on them.
Incorrect. I cheated on a girlfriend in college, but I would never even consider cheating on my wife now. I don't care if Alyssa Milano asked me to [HARDCORE DEVIANT p*rn REFERENCE DELETED BY MODERATOR] her, I still wouldn't do it. It's no longer in my nature. Comes from growing up, I suppose.
