I'm trying to imagine what I would do if my brother (I never talk to my cousin) told me he was having an affair. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't call him out on it. It'd be an affront to me that he'd do something like that to my sister-in-law and my nephews.
Let him live his life. Don't be a hater. Congratulate the guy and see if she is down to have a train ran on her. As long as he isn't planning on leaving his wife, it's all good. Don't blow his cover. It's the worst when a family member ****-blocks.
coming from a KID yes a KID who doesnt even go to parties at UTSA yeah this is just SOUND advice IDIOT he needs to get rid of the 23 year old quick if he truly loves his wife if he doesnt then he needs to really think about whats best for his children, having a complete family for them to grow up in or what. Without knowing anything about the 23 year old she may actually find him to be a "flavor of the month" and just move on to the next person and all but yeah it sounds like he already screwed up his situation by sleeping with her. Hopefully he can somehow fix it but more importantly hopefully he didnt cause drama in your family by letting you know.
It's a no win situation...He's finally found what he's been missing, and that is sex and companionship, someone that makes him feel alive again...He's so PW'd that it doesn't matter if his marriage falls apart...He's has tunnel vision and no matter what you say, it won't change his mind, he'll have to crash and burn to realize how bad things are... Question is , how hot is the 23 year old...
Gee, you seem to know a lot about me. It's like me calling you a fat ass. I don't know if you are one... but hey since we're throwing things out there about each other, might as well.
I don't know guys...I called him, at first things were fine...I tried to talk to him, but like some of you said, he seemed to only want to hear me say things he wants to hear such as "I am happy for him"...He goes on that he thinks this is possibly long-term, the girl is hot and they seem made for each other and they both intend to secretly "date" and when I explained my feelings, he stated I shouldn't even talk ...(not knowing what he meant) and kinda got pissed at me... I thought he wanted to communicate about this, but he basically shut down and the phone conversation ended badly. My feelings got hurt and confused initially but now I don't know if I just feel angry. I'm not going to call him again, screw it. I'm done with this.
this is why i said be more blunt. He is completely blind and will only see/hear what he thinks is right/good. All he heard was you are happy for him...should have never said that.
Tell him to divorce his wife. If if he doesn't feel like his marriage is working, they either need to seek counseling or quit while they are ahead. Then make sure he doesn't marry this ho.
your cousin is lacking in character and integrity. if he's unhappy with the relationship with his wife, he should be communicating with her about this and working together to make it stronger. then, if nothing changes, he needs to decide if it's something he can live with or not. if not, getting a divorce is necessary and appropriate. there is never a justification for cheating on the person you're in a committed relationship with. oh yes...hispanic?
You tried man. But like a poster here said 'he'll have to crash and burn to realize how bad things are...'. you never know what you have until its gone...so true. What's most important is what both of them arent seeing.....the kid has to pay for it too.
I'm sorry to hear that. I think you did the right thing, regardless. Don't give up on talking to him about it though. If he was initially under the impression that you'd be cool with it, you probably took him by surprise with criticism and it'll take some time for it to sink in. I don't agree with the folks who say he'll hear what he wants to hear. He may be mad at you for reproaching him, but if he respects you he'll take your opinion seriously and may start looking at his marriage and his affair differently. It'd just take some time.
Sounds like you did the exact right thing. You did what you had to do, tried to sober him up while he was intoxicated with a temptation. Let me explain what will happen: At some point, somewhere, this will end badly. Best case is that she breaks his heart and he has to live with his adultery guilt and broken heart. That's best case. Worst case is that he scars his son permanently and loses his family, his money, and everything else. I mean, she is 14 years younger and he is married with a son. At some point, the fact that they are both capable of shelving their ethics and lives is going to hit them, about each other and about themselves. When that punch-love wears off, thats pretty far to fall. Sometimes the hardest things are said by your most trusted friends, even if you hate it. You were that person. He'll say ' I was an idiot, why did i not listen to you' before too long. You did the right thing. It is important, too - everyone's wife will find out about this, including yours. Good call calling him out on the side of being good to his wife and his child. You should prepare for the conversationon about this with your wife, because it will happen. He will be crashing low before too long. Let us know when! you can forward this link if you like.
so he won't take his commitment to his wife and his SON, but he will take his cousin serious...i have my doubts about that.
He was hoping you would be as big of a slimeball as him and when he found out you weren't, he got defensive. He was hoping you would be cool with it so he could rationalize it as being okay. You didn't. He got pissed. Good idea. Like I said earlier, I wouldn't want someone in my life who would betray his own wife and child just for a piece of ass. Not the kind of morals or values I hold and I have no use for anyone in my life who does. I don't care if it's family. And if he actually CONFIDED in me thinking I would be okay with it or even impressed, well, I find that insulting. Clearly he doesn't think that much of you.
In all honesty, this is what I would do... Go up to him, and paint him the picture of what would happen when his wife and son are not part of his life on a consistent basis anymore.. Tell him all he has is this 23 yr. old, who will probably eventually leave him, and what he thinks might "eventually happen".. Then, ask him if he's OK with that.. ask him if he even cares about his wife and son.. ask him if he's OK with living a life of uncertainty. If he answers yes, leave him alone.. If he answers no, slap him in the face and tell him to grow up. preface the above by saying it's OK to work out your midlife crisis issues via a chick on the side, just don't get confused by what the chick on the side is and who you really love..
Why did you call him over the phone...? I don't think it's ever a good thing to do things like this over the phone, 'cuz you can't really tell someone's reaction as compared to personally. It would make sense, however, if he told you about this on the phone. I am sorry things happened the way they did, because he's going to find out in that he is definitely wrong--but don't tell him 'i told you so'--when the dust settles. You tried, so don't feel bad, yo. You shouldn't have any remorse.
