Have you guys ever been in a situation where you begin to fall in love with someone that you know you have no future with? Its the feeling that you realize you actually love that person and at the same time realize that sooner or later you need to end the relationship because your brain is telling you that there is no way you could ever marry them for conflicting reasons such as personality, lack of ambition, views on religion etc. How have you guys delt with this? I'm 27 and am looking to get married around 32-35. I just broke up with my girlfriend because of these kinds of reasons. It feels so wrong to end the relationship knowing that I am still in love with her, but I decided that its better to do it now then hang on to something that will not last. I am positive that she will not change and the person that she is now does not fulfill what I am looking for in a partner. I also thought its selfish of me to want her to change rather than her find someone who will accept her the way she is. This sucks.
hang in there. could she be the one that got away? if she dates/sleeps with other men do you think you will be hurt or happy for her? who's got the lack of ambition? who is the religious one? you are in love with her but do you love her?
Religion...it irritates me that people break up because of it. You have one life to live dude. If you want to be with her, I say go for it...
The situation is that when I met her she was a bartender. She had a crazy past (troubled childhood) and left home when she was 17. She's 22 now. She graduated highschool and when we met she talked about how she was depressed with her situation and wanted to study and create a future for herself. So she quit her job bartending I helped her enroll in school and helped her find another job and life was going good for a few months. Then one night she totally broke down and told me that this was not what she wanted for her life. That she hated school and quit. She wanted to go back to her life and not think about her future but live in the now and I began to feel more like a father figure than her boyfriend. I am a business owner and to me someone who has goals and is hardworking like myself is a must. I want a partner who can contribute something to the relationship. Intelligent, hardworking and someone who is goal oriented is very important for me and she seems to be lacking in all three although I think that she is very intelligent if she would just apply herself. The relgion thing is not that big of an issue. I enjoy going to church and to me its nice to be able to share that with someone. Her, not so much. I don't think I will ever look back and regret breaking up with any girlfriend (divorce is different), because in my mind I feel like everything happens for a reason. That one door closes and a better one opens. Obviously initially it would kill me knowing that she is with other guys, however I love her and if she found someone that made her happier than myself, I would be happy for her eventually.
Dude, it seems really tough, but probably for the best. The one might still be out there for you. I think its true to say that you stay with someone for a certain period of time and they have basic "good" qualities (which are subjective) you will begin to love them. Here's my question for you guys out there: If your "ex", who you're still in love with moves on to other guys, would you care?? Furthermore, hypothetically, lets say she doesn't move on to other guys, but you aren't "dating" (break up being mutual) is that a sign that you could have a future??
I haven't had any serious relationships. But my personal view is that any relationship that may lead to marriage has to be more than about love. Perhaps that's because my parents married each other for love, still love each other, yet have a horrible relationship because they're just so incompatible with each other in terms of personality. But then again, this kind of sucks because sometimes I look at personality a lot more than I should. Brain > Penis is mostly a bad thing.
It sounds like you did the right thing. It's possible (considering her age) that this girl is just going through a phase. She wants her independence, wants to have fun and just live one day at a time. Most of us go through that phase. She may wake up one day and realize she doesn't want that anymore. If that is the case and you two really love each other then there might be a chance some day. Of course, the other side of that coin is that she is one of those people who is on a road to nowhere and will always be on that path. Just keep worrying about you. Things will work out.
That's basically been the story of my life. I've dated a handful of girls that I got along with really well, but because of certain aspects of their personality or circumstances dealing with school/jobs, I knew there couldn't be a future with them. Unless I know or get the vibe that the girl wants to start moving toward being more serious, I'll usually just keep the relationship going until convenient circumstances allow me to break it off. I'm not sure if that is entirely "ethical", but it has worked out really well for me so far. Sounds like you hit a similar breaking point when she wanted to leave school. Even though it sucks because you are probably compatible in a ton of other ways, if she is lacking one of the fundamental traits that you value, you will be better off in the long-term waiting until you meet someone more even compatible.
Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean you have to marry them. Find someone that you respect, share common interests and goals that can deal with you. That is the key to a long happy marriage. Most of all, for a man to be happy in the long term, he must feel that he totally overachieved in his selection of a mate.
OP, I think it's called growing up. You seem to have done it while her...not so much. You TOTALLY did the right thing. It sucks now, but one day when you finally do find the right woman, you will thank your lucky stars that you did this. Like others have said, love isn't enough to get married. That only works in the movies. Nothing wrong with being picky when choosing a wife. We're talking about the rest of you life here. Nice to finally see a relationship thread started by someone who actually 'gets it'. Props to you.
Agree with everyone, you did the right thing as it appeared she saw you as a cool friend but not a partner. I've been in that position and even in my current relationship it started like that but pretty quickly we both saw that there was a physical and emotional attachment of which it blossomed into love. Seems you felt the attraction but she didn't, dont blame her like most have said it was a phase in her life, just take a deep breath start moving on. Easier said then done, but she didn't meet what you are looking for so don't settle. You should always think with your Brain as it will provided you with common sense while the heart is full of lust and could lead you in the wrong direction but most guys, including myself, lean more south as pointed out above which is connected to our heart most of the time.
It takes a LOT more than love to make a marriage work. Marriage isn't about love. Marriage is about living the rest of your life with the person you love.
I don't think this is a phase at all, the girl simply needs to grow up or she needs to hit rock bottom. The OP laid it out perfectly....young girl from troubled home leaves as a teenager who is depressed with the service industry (ie. party) life, wants to change, changes and still doesn't like her life so she resorts back to the life she hated before. It's a recipe for disaster for the stable, responsible person in the relationship. I wish I followed my own advice when I was younger.
Did you know that the heart isn't really a place where feelings come from? It's actually from your brain as well there's an interesting fact for you I hope this brightens your day a little Cheers
You should get her knocked up. This clever ruse instantly converts the most feral of women into doting, motherly sweethearts. Believe me, you will not regret it.
Why did you guys break up? How long were you together? How long has it been since the break up? I think there are two different theories concerning your topic. Some people say that if you really love that person you should be happy for them if they find someone they are happy with. Others say that if you really love that person it would be impossible to be happy for them unless they are with you. I think answering the first three questions is essential in order to answer your last one.
