Welcome! Please take a few seconds to create your free account to post threads, make some friends, remove a few ads while surfing and much more. ClutchFans has been bringing fans together to talk Houston Sports since 1996. Join us!

My father in law owes me 20 grand and wont return my calls

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by mateo, Aug 29, 2009.

Tags:

Page 3 of 6

TheBigAristotle Member

Joined:

Jan 28, 2009

Messages:

1,590

Likes Received:

8

SamFisher said:

Just buy $100,000 less house, or move to jersey or somehwere cheaper.

Problem solved.
Click to expand...

New Jersey does have some outstanding garbage dumps this time of year.

#41 TheBigAristotle, Aug 30, 2009

Pole Houston Rockets--Tilman Fertitta's latest mess.

Joined:

Feb 15, 1999

Messages:

8,510

Likes Received:

2,632

I will admit, I'm a terrible cynic who often assumes the worst, but I just can't wrap my head around this. Perhaps it is a cultural thing that I'm missing, but how could anyone loan their father-in-law twenty grand without the knowledge of the man's daughter......your wife.

In fact, this is so outlandishly crazy to me that I start wondering if you haven't lost the 20 grand yourself doing something silly (sillier than loaning it to your father in law without your wife's knowledge), that you don't really care for your father in law, and that your post here is part of some outlandish scheme to blame the money's loss on your wife's father.

Then I start thinking I'm just being crazy...............and then I flip flop and wonder if my outlandish imagination is any crazier than the original story.

#42 Pole, Aug 30, 2009
RHostetler82 Member

Joined:

Apr 5, 2009

Messages:

188

Likes Received:

2

Pole said:

I will admit, I'm a terrible cynic who often assumes the worst, but I just can't wrap my head around this. Perhaps it is a cultural thing that I'm missing, but how could anyone loan their father-in-law twenty grand without the knowledge of the man's daughter......your wife.

In fact, this is so outlandishly crazy to me that I start wondering if you haven't lost the 20 grand yourself doing something silly (sillier than loaning it to your father in law without your wife's knowledge), that you don't really care for your father in law, and that your post here is part of some outlandish scheme to blame the money's loss on your wife's father.

Then I start thinking I'm just being crazy...............and then I flip flop and wonder if my outlandish imagination is any crazier than the original story.
Click to expand...

Why in the hell would the last 2 paragraphs be true? lol

#43 RHostetler82, Aug 30, 2009
SWTsig Contributing Member

Joined:

Dec 20, 2002

Messages:

13,972

Likes Received:

3,617

Air Langhi said:

I guess this is why people newer do business with family.

I hope you get it back.
Click to expand...

:medal x's 10000000000000000

my father is out a couple hundred G's because of a failed business venture with my mom's brother (who really is a great guy all things considered).

just isn't worth it.

#44 SWTsig, Aug 30, 2009
orbb Contributing Member

Joined:

Dec 9, 2002

Messages:

2,045

Likes Received:

16

It is amazing how the nicest guys can f' u up when it comes to money.

#45 orbb, Aug 30, 2009
mateo Contributing Member

Joined:

Jun 20, 2001

Messages:

5,954

Likes Received:

266

OK, I'll address some of the points.

I lent my father in law 10K, interest free, in March 2008 bc "a major developer" ( I wont name the name) was running about 60 days late on payments and he needed to make payroll. He paid me back 4 weeks later, ahead of time. He also threw in a gift card to Flemmings, which was nice.

Three months later he was short 20K (same developer again, late 45 days) and talking to me about the crazy rates banks were charging for a line of credit to float his account receivables. I laughed about how on the IRA I was getting less than 3% but they were charging him 9%. I said dude I could probably float you 20K for 9%. I figured he has 4 Bobcats, a fleet of trucks...and I'm his son in law so why would he jam me? So we cut a deal at a rate in the middle with a paydate of summer 2009.

Why didn't I tell my wife? Well, to be honest, she doesn't really handle the finances. She's on the board of a major charity that supports Army families, she is involved in many World Food Program events in NYC, and she's raising my kid. She knows that I have a certain amount of cash that I play around with in the markets and whatnot...for instance when the stock market took that huge dive back in the winter I threw some of the house money at that...but I took profit fairly quickly since its our house money. I do tell her when I get run over, and I tell her when I make money...I'm totally open about that. We do agree to some risk parameters. I guess bc I'm a trader by career, she trusts me.

Um, this was my worst trade in the past 3 years. I did poor analysis. What was the upside? 4 grand? And the downside? Losing 20 grand and starting a family feud? I've learned a valuable lesson here.

Did he ask to tell no one? Yes. He didnt want anyone knowing that he was having some issues collecting money because sadly BOTH of my brother in laws work for the father in law. So you know who was covering their payroll? The one brother in law who doesnt work in the family business. (I guess I sorta am an investor now, though, eh?) Also my mother in law had some major high blood pressure issues and stress issues so we decided it was better she was kept in the dark.

I'm screwed. I guess I posted this more to vent than anything else. And to make it a lesson to those of you thinking of lending to family. Just gift it.

And Pole....put down the crack pipe....seriously.

#46 mateo, Aug 30, 2009
Last edited: Aug 30, 2009
Rocket River Member

Joined:

Oct 5, 1999

Messages:

61,978

Likes Received:

29,337

mateo said:

OK, I'll address some of the points.

I lent my father in law 10K, interest free, in March 2008 bc "a major developer" ( I wont name the name) was running about 60 days late on payments and he needed to make payroll. He paid me back 4 weeks later, ahead of time. He also threw in a gift card to Flemmings, which was nice.

Three months later he was short 20K (same developer again, late 45 days) and talking to me about the crazy rates banks were charging for a line of credit to float his account receivables. I laughed about how on the IRA I was getting less than 3% but they were charging him 9%. I said dude I could probably float you 20K for 9%. I figured he has 4 Bobcats, a fleet of trucks...and I'm his son in law so why would he jam me? So we cut a deal at a rate in the middle with a paydate of summer 2009.

Why didn't I tell my wife? Well, to be honest, she doesn't really handle the finances. She's on the board of a major charity that supports Army families, she is involved in many World Food Program events in NYC, and she's raising my kid. She knows that I have a certain amount of cash that I play around with in the markets and whatnot...for instance when the stock market took that huge dive back in the winter I threw some of the house money at that...but I took profit fairly quickly since its our house money. I do tell her when I get run over, and I tell her when I make money...I'm totally open about that. We do agree to some risk parameters. I guess bc I'm a trader by career, she trusts me.

Um, this was my worst trade in the past 3 years. I did poor analysis. What was the upside? 4 grand? And the downside? Losing 20 grand and starting a family feud? I've learned a valuable lesson here.

Did he ask to tell no one? Yes. He didnt want anyone knowing that he was having some issues collecting money because sadly BOTH of my brother in laws work for the father in law. So you know who was covering their payroll? The one brother in law who doesnt work in the family business. (I guess I sorta am an investor now, though, eh?) Also my mother in law had some major high blood pressure issues and stress issues so we decided it was better she was kept in the dark.

I'm screwed. I guess I posted this more to vent than anything else. And to make it a lesson to those of you thinking of lending to family. Just gift it.

And Pole....put down the crack pipe....seriously.
Click to expand...

"Investor"
Yea . .sounds that way. just call him and leave him a message asking
WHEN'S THE NEXT BOARD MEETING??? I got some ideas on how OUR BUSINESS will be run in the future *grin*

Rocket River

#47 Rocket River, Aug 30, 2009

1 person likes this.

Supermac34 President, Von Wafer Fan Club

Joined:

Mar 31, 2000

Messages:

6,987

Likes Received:

2,235

Never loan money to family. Its not business. Just give them a portion of the money and tell them to never ask you for money again if you need to help them out, and never expect it back.

Somehow, when you loan money to family, YOU become that bad guy when you want your money back.

#48 Supermac34, Aug 30, 2009
Harrisment Member

Joined:

Jun 20, 2001

Messages:

15,392

Likes Received:

2,157

Sorry man, you're getting a f%*ing divorce. No counseling. No make up sex. The big D.

#49 Harrisment, Aug 30, 2009
Jugdish Member

Joined:

Mar 27, 2006

Messages:

8,424

Likes Received:

8,397

Befriend an Italian in a sharp suit.

#50 Jugdish, Aug 30, 2009
mateo Contributing Member

Joined:

Jun 20, 2001

Messages:

5,954

Likes Received:

266

Jugdish said:

Befriend an Italian in a sharp suit.
Click to expand...

No shortage of those in Hoboken, NJ. Trust me.

#51 mateo, Aug 30, 2009

1 person likes this.
Major Member

Joined:

Jun 28, 1999

Messages:

41,445

Likes Received:

15,886

mateo said:

I lent my father in law 10K, interest free, in March 2008 bc "a major developer" ( I wont name the name) was running about 60 days late on payments and he needed to make payroll. He paid me back 4 weeks later, ahead of time. He also threw in a gift card to Flemmings, which was nice.

Three months later he was short 20K (same developer again, late 45 days) and talking to me about the crazy rates banks were charging for a line of credit to float his account receivables. I laughed about how on the IRA I was getting less than 3% but they were charging him 9%. I said dude I could probably float you 20K for 9%. I figured he has 4 Bobcats, a fleet of trucks...and I'm his son in law so why would he jam me? So we cut a deal at a rate in the middle with a paydate of summer 2009.
Click to expand...

Is he still in business? If so, you at least have a way to recoup the money if needed.

Call him and leave a message (or email him if you want a paper trail) and tell him he has x days to get a hold of you to determine a payment plan, or you'll (a) tell the family and (b) file a lawsuit. Even if your agreement was drawn up by a lawyer, it's good enough if it contains all the basic terms about the rates, principal, and when payments are supposed to be made.

Or, ask to look at his books and evaluate his company. If you think it has potential over the long term, you could always offer to reduce the principal owed in exchange for part-ownership in the business and take on some of the risk with potential higher reward down the line.

#52 Major, Aug 30, 2009
Major Member

Joined:

Jun 28, 1999

Messages:

41,445

Likes Received:

15,886

Major said:

Even if your agreement was drawn up by a lawyer, it's good enough if it contains all the basic terms about the rates, principal, and when payments are supposed to be made.
Click to expand...

Err - even if it *wasn't* drawn up by a lawyer...

#53 Major, Aug 30, 2009

firecat Contributing Member

Joined:

Mar 25, 1999

Messages:

1,088

Likes Received:

24

Look at it this way, for only 20K you are assured that your father-in-law will never ask you for money again. At the rate it was going, he could have paid you the 20k back in 3 weeks and then asked you for 40k the next month.

It doesn't sound like 20k is that big of a deal to you. Lesson learned. Maybe things will pick back up and you'll eventually get your money. I'd stop calling and just try to forget about it until he brings it up (meaning that he's ready to do something about it).

#54 firecat, Aug 30, 2009
Manny Ramirez The Music Man

Joined:

Jul 31, 2001

Messages:

27,677

Likes Received:

4,270

mateo,

Hate to hear that - at least, you can somewhat pin the blame on your FIL by the fact that he really didn't want anyone to know about this. But the longer you keep this from your wife, the harder it is going to be to tell her the truth. You need to come clean to her about this and hopefully, this situation won't break up your marriage and family. Good luck.

#55 Manny Ramirez, Aug 31, 2009
DwangBoy Member

Joined:

May 6, 2003

Messages:

2,136

Likes Received:

272

File a fake lawsuit and see if he calls you back after receiving the notice of suit.

#56 DwangBoy, Aug 31, 2009
aussiejack Member

Joined:

Nov 7, 2006

Messages:

875

Likes Received:

30

My suggestion would be to confront him but not in a hostile way. If you back him into a corner, he can be volatile especially if he's got a lot of pride. Be understanding and attempt to arrange a method of payment that is friendly for both parties. This time, document everything in a commercial contract that is witnessed by a lawyer.

If you attempt to be aggressive such as the 'break-kneecap' method, you'll only see a rift ensue between you two and will be less likely to receive your money.

No amount of money is worth it when you risk alienating your wife's parents.

#57 aussiejack, Aug 31, 2009
pgabriel Educated Negro

Joined:

Dec 6, 2002

Messages:

42,810

Likes Received:

3,013

Mateo

Hi, my father recently passed and he left $300K a trust, only problem is I need $5K to pay a lawyer to get the funds released. If you provide these funds I will give you $100K. Oh yeah, i'm in Nigeria

Sorry, dude, I can't believe that took so long. I hope you work it out with your father in law.

#58 pgabriel, Aug 31, 2009

ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

Joined:

Oct 18, 2002

Messages:

35,760

Likes Received:

7,845

mateo, sorry to hear this. What's that old saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions?

Nothing much to add that hasn't been said already.

But seriously, what kind of a MAN borrows money from his son-in-law? If I won the lottery last week (I actually DID win $2), I know for a fact that neither my parents or my parents-in-law would ask us for money. It's just not in their nature to leech off their own kids. I have enough trouble just trying to pay the tab when we take them out to dinner. I always have to slip the waiter my credit card when they're not looking.

You're main obligation is to your wife and kid(s). If you FIL was any kind of MAN, he would understand that and wouldn't have asked you for the loan anyway.

But it sounds like you approached this deal as more of a high risk/high reward kind of a deal - and you lost. If you can afford to lose 20 grand without it having a major impact on your family, well...salute, Don mateo (Godfather quote).

If that's the case, I can only guess that this is a cleverly disguised "I'm FILTHY rich" thread.

#59 ima_drummer2k, Aug 31, 2009
bobrek Politics belong in the D & D

Joined:

Sep 16, 1999

Messages:

36,288

Likes Received:

26,639

ima_drummer2k said:

...It's just not in their nature to leech off their own kids....
Click to expand...

I leeched off my parents for 18 years. I try to allow them to leech off me whenever possible.

#60 bobrek, Aug 31, 2009

(You must log in or sign up to post here.)

Page 3 of 6

Share This Page