My social life... a problem

sounds like social anxiety disorder. It's all the rage in baseball.

 

the best way to make conversation is to ask questions to others. Others love to talk about themselves and will like the fact that you care enough to ask them things.

other than that, get really, really good at something. It doesn't matter what. People will be interested in those who are really, really good at something.

 

I feel similar in a lot of ways. It seems I can talk for hours with one or two good friends, but in a group I don't say a whole lot. Hell, I even read this board religously for years and never speak up!

I DON'T feel the same self loathing that you do about it. Instead of feeling "I suck," I'm a bit glad that I'm not making a fool of myself like a lot of others - trying to one-up eachother and show off and grab the spotlight. If I feel that I have something to add to a topic in a group, I'll say something. Most of the time, however, I'll come off as pretty quiet. It might be easier if you were one of the "spotlight" people, but you don't suck for not being one.

I've also noticed that when I'm with groups of people with similar interests, conversations are usually based around topics that I can contribute more to. If I go out for drinks or dinner with a group from work, I'll talk a lot more than if I'm hanging out with my neighbors who try to outdo eachother on everything or my girlfriend's teacher co-workers who talk about kids and teaching for hours.

You could always dazzle people with knowledge of the Rockets' latest moves or lack thereof!

 

Try this:

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QFT. Seriously.

 

Nothing wrong with that. Many times that could be considered a positive personality trait. Don't worry about it too much.

 

u really mcgrady?

 

If you want to be an interesting person, the first thing is you need to be well read about a wide variety of topics. Start with reading the newspaper or watch the news.

Have a basic understand of random topics. Not just sports, Rockets basketball, electronics and video games (and other guy stuff) but things like music, arts, movies, culture, politics, exercise, world events, business, finance, stock market..etc...

You will find yourself being able to relate to a wider variety of people and thus it will make you seem more interesting.

 

was going to say the same thing. striking up convos is about finding a way to get others to talk about themselves or their opinions on **** and then you interject your own thoughts in little pieces.

Sounds like you want to be able to carry on entire conversations by yourself, but usually people who do that are annoying ****s.

 

lmao. solid behad.

 

Become a pervert like the rest of us men.

 

Brightside knows what he's talking about. +1

 

Oh man, you just described how I was a few years ago. I know exactly what you mean.

You just have to be an active listener. Listen in for words you can use to continue your conversation. The key is to keep the conversation open-ended.

Ex. How was your day today?
Oh man, it was long. I had so customers to deal with at work today.

Now you could ask: how long was his day, what type of customers does he deal with, where does he work, is it always this way?.. etc.

Include your opinions as well! You don't just want to be responding with questions. You want him to know you a bit too, but the point is to continue keeping the conversation flowing. Always listen to their words.

Have confidence in yourself; don't be nervous or shy. Make sure you make eye contact, smile, and speak clearly.

It takes a bit of practice, but it's helped me so much... especially meeting the ladies. They love to talk about themselves.

 

Gotta echo with some of the points already made. Pay attention to things that are going on and if nothing else all you have to say is something like, "What's up with those bees at that baseball game the other day?" Then people start talking and you just throw in things you know about it. It helps if its something you're actually interested in.

Getting out more helps a lot. If you go to a concert you can bring that up then everyone starts talking about shows they went to and asking how they all were.

Bigtexx is right on his one point. Guess the broken clock theory comes into play here. Seriosly though people do love to talk about themselves, especially women. Try to find interest in what they're saying and they love it. Again it helps if you know a little about what they're talking about.

Mostly I think, just get out more. You'll have experiences about things and your own thoughts about them.

 

lol, not everyone in the group can talk. If everyone is talking, who is listening? Those talkers wouldn't be anywhere without you as the listener. Stop beating yourself up so hard over this. The simplest answer is to ask questions. Rinse, wash and repeat.

 

i'm not sure how old you are, but you described me to a T when i was in high school. i was a real introvert. now, i'm not the life of the party but i'm more than willing to go out and meet and greet strangers. i think having my first girlfriend during my senior year in high school gave me a lot of confidence so that contributed to me growing out of it.

anyhow, i think Mr Brightside has given the best advise. one question i like to ask people if i notice something particular on them is, "hey, what's the story behind that?" the conversation could go on for half an hour about it.

 

Possibly the milk?

 

I learned from Clyde Drexler to repeat what other's say except for a couple words which I change so it sounds original. I also have a couple of catch phrases in my back pocket and make sure to laugh after I say something to mask the awkward silence.

 

"I don't want to belong to any club that will accept people like me as a member."

-Groucho Marx -