..*

Jesus Holden........ If you are trying to figure out life you need to cut that **** right now, because you never will. Stop thinking so much and go out and do something.

 

Marijuwanna is bad mm k?
Lsd is bad mm k?

I am not classifying you as one but your actions on what you have describe sound like borderline skitso or serial killer wanna be. You are way to focused on what could or wil eventually happn rather than what is happening now.

You strike me as one who stares out his window at the neighborhood kids playing and so dislikes the loud noises they make, when suddenly you snap and take out daddys old axe embedded in a cut of wood and take out every kid on the block.

You need help.

 

Oh, c'mon, no big deal. I thought about all that stuff when I was in my teens too - it's weird to think that your experiences are limited by your own existence. 'Wow, I'm me, and someday "me", whatever that is, ends. Freaky.'

I read a novel once in which the protagonist was bathing and had this same exact realisation, and threw up into his bathwater as a result. Holden hasn't even puked or anything! What kind of philosopher *are* you, dude?

As I got older, I realised that a more fun thing to do on pot is to watch bad TV, eat pizza, and giggle a lot. I'm sure Holden (a fine brand of car down here!) will also come to this philosophical stage. What you need, Holden, is an enormous bong combined with that episode of Buck Rogers where Gary Coleman guests as the ruler of the galaxy. You will then realise the sheer ludicrousness of all existence, including your own.

 

I think your problem might be, you are always home alone.
live a little..

 

Holden,...I've been through a similar situation as you...I've had those moments like you, and have thought of stuff that I can't even mention on this board...My folks thought i needed serious therapy, but I eventually grew out of it? I'm not sure if i just changed or matured...perhaps a little bit of both...

I'd suggest ya try to get a good circle of friends to hang out with...a good support group...try something new..travel...find yourself...that's what college was for me anyway...

As Roc Pain said...go out and see what's out there ...experience life...

OR maybe u need to get off the comp and get some sleep...

 

lholden, don't listen to troybaros. Some people quit searching for the answers to lifes ultimate questions, and then they say he or she needs help or whatever just because he or she doesn't conform to certian way of accepted thinking. so just ignore that Barros chap and his strange imaginings of violence.

Holden you strike me as a guy who'll never be a respectable citizen, but more of a guy who is a danger to a false system.( kinda like keauna reeves in Matrix right before he took the pill...before he could see the truth he first had to question his reality, the enviroment... its almost as if you can see that your being duped by your perception but can't quite go beyond it just yet.) Anyways, I think Its a good thing to have this discontent, especially while your young, because as you grow older, society tends to demand more of one and his time, and one has less and less time to figure this out.. and as you age that knocking that you now may hear gets softer and softer till one doesn't even bother to listen anymore. So unlike DrewP, I say keep that discontent...question this whole thing called life, NOW, while your somewhat young...because when you're older and set in your ways that flame will start to flicker out.

holden, i have similar experinces all the time, but im not so good at expressing these things, so you'll just have to believe me.

 

when i was young, really young as in before 10, i used to think that maybe everything was a setup. including my parents, everyone. kind of like a truman show/matrix thing. i remember when i talked to people i'd look at them pretty hard to see if they'd act suspicious or if they'd suspect i was onto them.
i know it sounds like the usual 'my parents are alien beings from outer space' thing, but it wasn't anything scary/stupid like that.
aliens to me were nice (E.T.) beings at that time.
later, ID4 would show how bad those guys really are.

 

Sometimes I lie awake in bed thinking of how I'm going to die, and wondering about the meaning of life (among other things.... ) And I've come to the following conclusions:

1) Life is what YOU make it. Sure, people will help you out and that is perfectly alright. But ultimately your life is up to you.

2) Regarding death- You won't be the first to die, and you won't be the last. Death is a part of life. I used to worry about this a lot, and in the end I wound up getting stressed over it. I took a step back and decided to take one day at a time. Hang out with my friends, party, work hard, and just have a good time.

3) Take time out everyday to relax. Personally, I just sit in my room or a quiet place for nearly an hour each day. I let my mind roam free, sometimes I remember things I'd thought I'd forgotten about. But the most important thing is that I relax and forget my worries for that one hour.

4) Have a good time. Know when to say 'What the f*** am I worrying about?'. Take a step back and listen to what you are saying. Sometimes you'll find out that your problem/worry has been blown out of proportion, and really isn't that big of a deal.


Hope I helped a little.

 

Sure let's all shrug off the most important question in our lives.
If you think you can truly enjoy life without having a meaningful purpose, you're in denial (and your name is TutenKhamen, j/k).

I know I can't help you, but I can tell you what my purpose in life is. If you believe in souls, there is place in your soul that yearns to be filled. It won't be filled with anything materialistic because that "space" is spiritual and needs something that has lasting presence. Because it's spiritual, it can only be filled with spiritual things. To be able to do that, you must do something that has spiritual access, the basic action being worship. But worship of self, family, money, etc... can never fill the infinite void in your soul. It only accentuates how vacuous that void really is. By definition, only an infinite presence can fill an infinite void.
So what's my purpose? It is to worship the infinite presence who is God that has been revealed to humanity through Jesus Christ.
He has made me complete. And because of that peace (of mind, of soul, of spirit), I am able to enjoy life as God has always planned for me to enjoy it.

 

Go hunting for wild boar!...and eat it too...

btw...

 

Usually I just put on a Rev. Al Green album and try to focus on the end of my nose.

Chop wood, carry water. Chop wood, carry water...

 

Who hasn't contemplated these things? Maybe not in front of a mirror and to the extent you have where you seem to almost launch into a panic attack...but I think contemplating life, existence, death, etc. is perfectly normal.

I often think about how we are just a very small part(or spec) of the universe. I think about the evolution of man all the time. I am constantly conflicted on whether man scientifically evolved over millions of years OR God created Adam and Eve as the Bible says. I have a hard time believing the latter and the whole creation theory. But, too many things have happened in the universe as a whole for me to be able to explain away the presence of a God. I think there has to be some omnipotent being who started the whole thing...whether with a big bang or whatever. I sometimes think the opposite, however. Man could have created God out of their own imagination. Was Jesus really the son of God who had healing power? Or was it just what people really wanted to believe and write about? I often think people back then must have invented God as a way of dealing with the painful side of life(i.e. look at Greek mythology). There were many false prophets back then. Who is to say what was real and what wasn't back then? I wasn't there....all we have is what is in the good book. It's not like there is hard, irrefutable evidence. It's a matter of faith. I question my faith all the time.

As per death, I have sat in bed at nights wondering....is it just over when I die? Is there life after death? What if there is no God who will save me and give me eternal life in Heaven? What if I go to hell or am stuck in between Heaven and Hell? Should I be buried six feet under or be cremated? I don't want to die! I don't want to rot in the ground! Who cares....it's just a shell at that point...right? Why am I thinking about this? If it happens, then it happens. Everyone dies....get over it(I tell myself). It is inevitable.

However, if you start thinking about these things in a way which becomes detrimental, then it becomes unhealthy and might be a sign of some kind of chemical imbalance in the brain or something.

Surf

 

I think I did this way back when i was 8. My mom ran a sunday school bus route and every sunday morning, we would go a certain road and I would look down the road and I could see the Galvaston bay. Everytime I came down this road, it would put me in this trance. Even now to this day, when I start thinking deep like this, the scene comes into my mind. If I forcefully think about this scene, I tend to find myself drifting off. Its almost like I saw something one morning I shouldn't have seen that day ... something like in MIB where they blank out your mind ... except something resides in my mind in that paticular scene.

I would zone out and try to imagine what life would be w/out humans. I realized how insignificant life and how short and valuable our life was.

What it basically boils down to is im afraid of Death. I don't know what happens to death. Its scary to imagine that the whole time you've be alive, in a matter of a couple years after your death it will mean nothing. There might be a couple people that might mourn for you afterwards, but we will all get up and move on ... with death only remaining a memory.

 

You really need to score .

 

Here is a big for you Holden.

 

I think holden is my favorite poster.

Man I've had this kind of thing happen to me countless times. Like you're feeling good about yourself, out with your friends, not a care in the world, but then you look in a mirror, you see yourself and after a little bit it looks like you're somebody else. Like "Whoaaa...is that me...? What the hell, that is me." It makes you kinda sad.

fba34, i still kinda think that kind of thing. Like the Truman show or something. I wonder what this condition is called, because now I know I'm not the only one.

 

I'll just post to say you're not alone in feeling a metaphysical angst. I can't help but get the feeling that it is something you foster and harvest. That while you may complain about it and suppress it when it becomes acute, you also derive some pleasure in it. That you'd rather itch than scratch.

When I was a bit younger (I'm not much older than you if you are now in college), such things would plague me. Death would bother me. But also time and the future. What would happen to me and why that and not something else? Why was I at the whim of circumstance (seeing as I had a very laissez-faire approach to life)? And especially, is there a God and, if so, why don't I feel inclined to think that there is? And, it has just kinda gone away. I've never answered any of the questions and they stil come up, I just have gotten more cavalier about my life and my death. I think Gootan is right that there is a void that Christianity can fill. I have not gone that route though I recognize it probably would work the best. But, there are ideals that I hold and I've decided they are more important than my happiness. And, somehow, that has made me happy.

I have to wonder, though, when a moment of truth comes and I must put my brazenness to the test -- say when I face death -- will it stand firm or will it all collapse leaving me with no framework in which I can understand my life. I guess I'll see, though I may not be in a position to tell you about it.

 

Do you think Ted Nugent ever has these thought?!?!?!

I think not!

BTW, ...I KNEW it!!!!!