Divorced parents.... Who should pay for my sisters wedding?

I think your Mom should pay have, and I think it's very ****ty that she's insisting on not paying anything...of course, I'm assuming y'all are still close with your Mom.

 

It sounds as though your mom is using her daughter's wedding as a way to get back at your dad...that's pretty low. I think the wedding should be evenly paid for, although, there may be outstanding circumstances that would require one parent to pay more than the other.

Heck, for 20 grand, I would ask for the cash, fly to Vegas, have an Elvis/Little White Wedding Chapel wedding and pocket the remaining 18,500. I smell Tahiti...

 

I think your sister should plan two weddings, one that is expensive and one that is half as expensive.
Show the expensive plan bill to your dad, then ask for a check.
Proceed with the cheaper plan. (like he'll remember the details of the expensive wedding.)
Don't invite your mother. (just kidding)

 

I think you should pay for the wedding.

 

Ditto what RM95 said. Personally if that were my mom acting like that she would not be welcome to attend the wedding.

 

Are the grooms parents paying for anything at all? I guess it's tradition for the bride's parents to pay for it all..

 

i dont want my parents to pay for my wedding...

my wedding = my problem.

 

I think people should pay for their own weddings instead of depending on mommy and daddy. i don't plan to ask my parents to pay for my wedding b/c its MY wedding... and i don't plan to pay for my children's wedding.

but that's just me i guess

 

Yeah, no kidding. I guess if you're getting married young, like straight out of college, they might have to pay for it. Otherwise...

I threw myself a cheap wedding for about $3000 total. My parents paid for very little of it. I'm sure I could have gotten them to do more, but why would that make any sense... save that money for something else.

Also, whoever's paying is going to want to control the wedding. I've had friends get married in the traditional way - go back to the bride's hometown to have it even though the couple and their friends live nowhere near there, have the bride's parents pay and then spend months arguing about every detail. Most people I know give up and let their parents select the dress, ceremony, reception, etc. I said I would rather choose those things for my own wedding, and when my kids get married they can choose their own. (though, if I'm paying, they will have a budget limit)

 

When I got married both sets of parents were divorced. We decided to avoid the hassles and pay for it ourselves. Since we were from different parts of the country, we got married in a place that was important to us and made both sets of family travel. We only sent out about 60 invites. We had to compromise on the dress. We didn't get an engagement ring. We bought cheap wedding rings with coupons from a department store. A relative did the catering and an uncle the photography. We also had a damn fine cake and a wonderful harpist, as well as a very nice honeymoon. We're now going on ten years of mostly bliss and the rings are holding up well. I plan on getting my wife an engagement ring for our 10th.

The cost of a wedding is unimportant. The divorce rate is constant regardless of how much money you spend on the wedding. Figure out how much you have and what matters most to you. Then compromise on the rest. It's not worth the family hassles and it's not worth immediate financial hardship to have the wedding that someone else thinks you ought to have. Ten years later you will remember the vows and the fellowship of your family and friends. Most of the stuff you spend money on will be forgotten in the long run.

 

tell them to be like my dad and his current wife...go get married on your lunch break...hahaha

 

I agree with the general sentiment here that it is ultimately your sister's wedding. If mom doesn't want to pay, don't have her pay. The father's part is a bit weirder because he's willing to pay but "not all of it." So, if the wedding costs $20,000, he'll pay $15,000, but if the wedding is $15,000, he'll only pay $12,000? Is that how it works? It sounds like he is insisting that the mother pay something, regardless of the final expense. How can you force someone else to pay? I think your sister is right to freak out because neither parent is being particularly reasonable. Her father is at least being generous, but it seems like he is engaging his ex-wife in the same power-play she's conducting.

In a situation like that, I'd tell both parents to forget the whole thing and see what I could do for $500. Of course, many women are very particular about having the storybook wedding and -- if the $20,000 pricetag you mentioned is any indication -- your sister is one of those.