Fictional stories about Rockets players past and present

Tracy McGrady won a playoff series.

 

Here's an all time classic.

 

Yao elbows some defenders, cusses Ron and AB out for not giving him the ball even when he's perfectly sealed off his man, somehow finds a way to defeat fronting by himself and without the unhelpful adjustments by his coach and teammates, and goes on his merry way to dominate for the rest of his career....

 

Ron Artest stopped, thought better of dribbling out the clock while trying to score over three defenders, and instead passed the ball to Yao.

 

The GARM isn't loaded with stupid threads the day after a playoff loss.

 

SHANGHAI—Houston Rockets and Chinese national team center Yao Ming, 7'6", married his longtime 6'3" girlfriend, Ye Li, last week in a ceremony for which Yao wrote nuptial vows praising, among other things, the top of Ye's head. "Ye, my beloved, to glimpse the onyx brilliance of the top of your head sends through me a rush of love strong enough to lift a thousand mountains," Yao intoned nervously yet earnestly as he gazed almost straight down into Ye's eyes. "And your dear sweet shoulders are like two tiny, distant doves nesting beneath that deep abiding well of wisdom and kindness." Yao's poetic efforts were obviously much appreciated by his beaming wife and generally well-received by family and friends, although Yao seemed annoyed when asked by American sports reporters if Ye's feet "looked like they'd been bound when seen from all the way up there."

 

"Chuck Hayes with the game winning three pointer, boy that way pretty."

 

Winner. End thread.

 

lol sura faints.

 

*fixed

 

Tracy Murray likes Taco Bell

 

Yesterday the world champs Houston Rockets paraded the streets of downtown Houston after winning their first championship since 1995. The players showed off their full emotions while celebrating their victory. After the parade the team held a public speech in front of more than 80 thousand fans. During which an awkward moment caught the fans off guard.

Rockets' starting point guard, Steve Francis, got on the microphone and admitted his true love for his backcourt mate Cuttino Mobely. Francis said, "This one goes out to my home boy the Cat. We finally did it. And I love you man. All those time I hugged you during the game, I always knew I had feelings for you. I hope this doesn't effect our friendship."

Francis then walked away from the podium while handing the mic over to Kelvin Cato and whipping the tears from his eyes.

 

Vassiliss Spanoulis and Gerald Green lead the Rockets to the NBA Finals. DaDakota is hired as assistant GM for the Houston Rockets. Jeff Van Gundy begins a lifetime year tenure as head coach of the Rockets, retiring at the age of 96, due to lack of interest.

 

Also, Ron, Yao, Shane and Brooks are traded for Rudy Fernandez, Corey Maggette, Marc Gasol, Kirk Hinrich and Darko Milicic. Boki is given a lifetime max contract and Von Wafer is promoted to Mayor of Houston.

 

Rockets GM Morey takes some advice from a Da Dakota video, and trades Artest for Corey Maggette.

 

This one time, Kevin Willis walked in the art car parade as himself. Scott Brooks and Matt Maloney hung from his arms like fuzzy dice. Chris Jent and Zan Tabak rode unicycles in circles around him while Calvin Murphy shot freethrows at a backboard held by Turbo. It was sweet.

 

Writing Online Houston Rockets Fan Fiction = A Permanent Lifelong Pledge of Celibacy

Here goes:

THE COMEBACK
He wipes the sweat off of of his brow, sees the reflection in the gym window. He has never felt this motivated. He is not the same man - boy - he was as a rookie. He feels mature but in the best shape of his life; at peace with himself. He is humble, yet so confident in his abilities.

He leaps to the basket for a dunk that he could not perform as a young man. The backboard and basket fall to the floor, in pieces from the ferocity of the slam. His muscles glisten in the florescent lights of the gym. He sneers at the basket, it was no match for him. His comeback will soon be complete.

But first, he must call his girlfriend. He tells her practice for the day is over, he was too much man for the court to handle. "Can you handle all of this man?" he asks her. "I can certainly try," Lindsey Lohan purrs.

He goes to the parking lot; she is waiting for him. Rockets GM Daryl Morey pulls up next to them, followed by Mark Cuban, Donnie Walsh and Danny Ainge. They begin a bidding war for him, and he signs a contract for the maximum allowable salary. Lindsey Lohan is whispering "I need you... NOW."

Craig Ehlo's mother walks into his bedroom, and slaps his face repeatedly to wake him. His arousal creates a tremendous sense of awkwardness. As usual.

 

Yao Ming Kills Man To Prove Toughness To Jeff Van Gundy

HOUSTON--Houston Rockets center Yao Ming, seeking to dispel the notion that he lacks “killer instinct,” stabbed a man to death in the parking lot of a gas station on the outskirts on the city last night. Yao, who is being held on $2.5 million bond at the Harris Country jail facility, is expected to miss the rest of the season and the playoffs.

Upon hearing the news, coach Jeff Van Gundy said he was impressed with Yao’s newfound mean streak.

“He killed somebody, huh? Not bad,” said Van Gundy, who has criticized Yao in the past for being too soft. “I mean it’s wrong to kill a man, but on the other hand, you have to admire the fact that he’s developing a mean streak. Bill Russell had one. Wilt Chamberlain had one. Shaq has one. And now Yao has one. How many times did he stab the guy, anyway? 72? Wow. That’s going overboard. That’s gilding the lily, so to speak. I would have been happy with a flagrant foul, or at the very most, a non-lethal bludgeoning.”

Van Gundy is now faced with the prospect of entering the playoffs without his all-star center.

“We’re in a tough spot now with Yao in jail,” said Van Gundy. “I can’t help but feeling party responsible for it. I told him time and time again that he was just too nice out there. I wanted him to get angry. I wanted him to be a little selfish. I wanted him to throw some elbows around. I called him a ‘p***y’ about a hundred times a day. And you know what’s even worse? I’ve been using the same approach with Bonzi Wells. Oops. Is it possible to raise the terror threat level for just for one guy?”

According to the police report, Yao was sitting in his SUV in the parking lot of a Texaco station at around 2:30 AM when 42-year-old Michael Langford pulled up alongside him and went inside. When Langford came back out, Yao emerged from around a corner, grabbed him and dragged him behind the building where he proceeded to stab him repeatedly with a hunting knife. The entire incident was captured on security camera footage.

“We’ve got it all on tape,” said police detective Kenneth Wolf. “Yao just dropped the guy to the ground and started stabbing him. It was really frightening. The guy was screaming his head off but Yao didn't care. When he was done, he stood up and looked right at the camera. He looked very calm and subdued. Bored, almost. Not a trace of swagger. I’m starting to see why he hasn’t won a championship yet.”

While being questioned by police, Yao admitted the murder was an attempt to appease his coach.

“Yao just seemed frustrated,” said Wolf. “He said he tried everything to prove his toughness to Coach Van Gundy and nothing worked. When he got to the station, the first person he called was Van Gundy. He was all excited. He told him the news. Van Gundy was like ‘the ****?’ That’s when Yao realized he did something very wrong. That’s when it hit him that he crossed a line by stabbing that man 72 times.”

This morning, Van Gundy addressed his team about the incident, and encouraged them to “play with a chip on their shoulder” the rest of the way in order to make up for the absence of Yao.

“The team really has to step up now in his absence,” said Van Gundy. “It's do or die. I need to see a mean streak. I need some anger. Not real anger, of course, but basketball anger. See, that’s where Yao went wrong. I didn’t want him to kill anybody. I just wanted to see him scowl a bit and punch his chest and throw a few elbows. That means you’ve got a killer instinct. If you just go out there and politely score 28 points every night, it means you’re a giant p***y.”

Van Gundy added: “Believe me, if we can get our **** together and win the championship this year, we are going to look back on this day and laugh our asses off.”

http://www.thebrushback.com/yaoming_full.htm