Okay, those of you who are married can contribute to this, but you would have to talk about what it was like before you got married. I used to think it would be the worse possible thing in the world to go through life single. I mean you would be so alone and who would take care of you when you got old? Well, now, I don't think that, but it would be nice if someday I did get married and was able to have a family. I just think that it is too hard for me for several reasons: 1) I live in a small town. 2) I don't really like going out on Friday or Saturday or any nights - hell, why else would I be posting this and listening to Miles Davis' Birth of the Cool? 3) I just don't see myself giving up some things in my life in order to make a relationship work. The last true relationship I was in was with this chick that was divorced with 2 kids who moved at warp speed. Everyday we had to be together. It got to the point where things were moving way too fast. Also, many people who knew me were wondering if it was a good idea for me to get involved with someone who has kids. I finally ended that relationship, and wouldn't you know it...she got married like within 6 months! I know that could have been easily me, and it frightens me to no end. Therefore, I learned there are some advantages of being single and even not being in a relationship. However, I still can't help but wonder what it would be like especially when I see old classmates in the paper announcing their upcoming nuptials. I just have a hard time meeting women; although, staying at home is not going to help me in that department. People at work used to have a pool in which the winner was the one who could find me a date first! I guess unless I meet someone through work or at church or someone fixes me up, I'm destined to be alone. But it is not all bad at least not for another 40 years. If I go into a nursing home like my granny had to, then it could be bad because who in the hell would take care of me, then? So, in conclusion, I never envisioned myself being single at this point in my life 10 years ago, but I'm having a good time right now and as long as that stays like that, what is so bad about that?
I think in reality you are not having as good a time as you are saying because you wish you were not alone. It sounds like it is making you rather sad. I could really understand that. Being alone sucks. I know because I am single as well. What about the MBA school you go to, is there no opportunity to meet girls?
well f4p is quite an expert on being single (although being 20 and in college, not sure you can call that living the single life) and it does sort of suck from some perspectives (mostly just cuz you feel like a loser) and not from others. but you're 28 or so, so that makes it different. i mean if you find a girl you really get along with and everything, then it would seem that would be way better than being single forever, but i don't really know cuz i'm not sure how being married would affect my life (i can't believe my parents were only about 1 year older than i am now when they got married). since i'm extremely shy (maybe only holden beats me out on this bbs) i don't know how its ever gonna happen, but i'd like to be married one day, but sure as hell not now. in conclusion, i feel like i just rambled for a few sentences w/o any real purpose except to say i'm a loser and there's nothing too bad about being single. hey, if you like it better, then do it.
SJC: I think there is some truth to what you say, but believe me, it is not as bad as it used to be. I used to call up people and practically beg them to think of people that they could fix up me with. It would suck to pass on from this earth without extending the family name, but I believe that God would give me something to take its place. It's just that I don't fully understand why sometimes or I am having a hard time seeing it. As for MBA school, most of the women it seems are married or have boyfriends. Being close to 29 makes it hard to find someone who has never been married and has no kids. I did meet this one girl last year who was in both of my classes (I only take 2 a semester - all I could handle with a full-time job) that was originally from Kazahkstan (sp-?). Very beautiful and her accent was sexy as hell to me at least. Unfortunately, it was hard to get together with her because she lived in Nashville and she seemed only interested in me for getting a good grade (the story of my life). But she was sorta of a longshot anyway. If there was one thing that I could have done over, it would have been to act more confident in asking girls out that I had classes with as an undergrad. I just assumed that they already had a boyfriend or if they didn't they wouldn't want to go out with me.
I liked being single, and I like being married. They each have their advantages. I think a natural human tendency is to want to share your life with others. However, I don't think it has to be a spouse, just long as you have some significant others -- friends, family, etc... I sympathize with you dating plight, Manny. I seemed to fall into relationships fairly easily, but my younger sister has a pretty tough time of it. I think she tries too hard. People can be very sensitive to neediness in others and it may initially put them off (this is in reference to her, not you ). I always seemed to meet potential partners exactly when I wasn't trying to, when I was involved in doing my own thing. If the women aren't there, then concentrate on yourself. Get into a hobby or take an adult education class for fun (those are GREAT places to meet women, incidentally, especially cooking classes). I guarantee the time when you aren't looking is when someone great will show up.
Being single sucks. And what's with everyone citing classes as a great place to meet members of the opposite sex? In two semesters of college so far, I've managed to meet ZERO people...
i know how you guys feel, but i'm really pathetic......i'm 35. i haven't met anyone special in so long......i'm not sure i know how to relate anymore. being single s*cks
Well, I went and did that passing the family name on thing back over 13 years ago when I was still in High School, so I can't relate to that line of thinking, Manny, but aside from the fact that I was briefly married in my early 20s, I think there are some similarities between us. I'm not good at meeting women, either, and don't have that many opportunities to do so since I can't stand bars and also tend to hang out at home in my free time. And when I'm in classes in college, I go, sit through class and then go home. I rarely ever speak to anyone else (there just never seems to be an appropriate time to do so, especially since I tend to suck at small talk...... speaking of, I shoulda taken pointers from this guy who sat behind me in Film class this semester. This one girl was totally flirting with him, and he's apparently trying to flirt back and seemingly not being very successful until he whips out his copy of "Lord of the Rings" and started reading parts of it....in German. Normally, I'd think that'd be the end of him, but she was totally digging it. I don't know how I could compete with something like that as I: A. Have never read the Lord of the Rings and don't care to, and B. Certainly don't want to read it in German. But I digress.....) There is a certain coolness to being alone, though. Not having to really answer to anyone. Not having to sit through Dawson's Creek or going to movies like Ever After. Not having to give up half your bed to someone who's just going to steal your covers and probably make you sleep on the side by the wall anyway. Not having to come up with thoughful gifts on any and all holidays including obscure anniversaries. Being able to spend an entire Sunday not saying anything at all except when you stand up and yell at the awful call in the football game. Whizzing with the bathroom door open and leaving the seat up when you're done. Never having to listen to how much she hates her mother (an argument that you cannot join or else she'll hate you for saying bad things about her mother). And on and on and on and on. But........ nothing can compare to when you finally do find that someone who you really want to be with. That person who you can't wait to see at the end of the day. That person who makes your stomach all fluttery when you kiss her. That person who you want to spend weeks searching for the perfect gift for just because you love to see the sparkle in her eye and the smile on her face when she opens up the package. That person who makes you want to be a better man. That person whose eccentricities would be annoying on anyone else but are endearing on her. And so forth. Maybe that woman is out there for you, too, Manny, and if there is, I'm sure you'll find her. And at that point, the question of whether or not you want to be single anymore will disappear. But that's just what I think. I've been known to be wrong.
Yeah chicks love us and our "erotic-sounding" language . How could she like that? Spanish or Italian...of course...but German? Sounds ugly! Yes, why the hell do they always do that?!!!
I have to say yes... the single life is wonderful... I am 24 years old and the closest I've come to a serious relationship was a two year relationship with a girl that lived with me when I was in college... it felt like we were married, b/c we spent all of our free time together... i got SO sick of her by the end, that I broke up with her... it was tough at first, but after a respectable mourning period, i had never been happier... i don't think i'm the marraige type... i LOVE my privacy and don't want to have to concede the little things to please a partner (spending 3 hours a day exercising instead of being at home, watching ESPN ALL the time, going out with the guys and/or girls (just friends) at all hours of the day and night, and the whole jealousy issue that always seems to rear its ugly head... i find my life much simpler, cleaner, and neater as a single guy... i admit i have weird qualities (i'm a neat freak, i'm an exercise-aholic, i have to watch 3 sportscenters a day!) and i can't give those up or anything else up for someone else... or rather I don't want to give those up just some ramblings for ya!
mrpaige: Thanks for the post....it was great. The things you specifically mentioned about it being great to be single are things I feel the same way about. I just feel that it is going to take a really special person to put up with me. I have a question for you: are you single now or are you married? I thought that I had read here that you got married to someone who was divorced, but I might be mistaken about that. The reason why I ask is that I want to get your thoughts on dating women who have kids. I tried it (part of the last relationship I had), but I would say it is something that I don't actively seek. However, with my age, it is getting to the point where they are not many single women with no kids left.
I love being single too . I think there are pros and cons to both, but it's not hard. It god damn easy. Being married is much harder. I don't get lonely either. There's is always a good outing with the boys or some good sex right around the corner. I do live in a metro area (DC) which makes it easierto find sex and to find something to do. I don't miss jealousy, I don't miss trying to figure out where she wants to eat, I don't miss having sex with the same person over and over again, I don't miss making phone calls to that person who is counting on me, don't miss meeting people I could care less about, I don't miss the arguments, and I definately do not miss having to miss big sports games due to my woman. The only thing I am missing is a family. Otherwise I am perfectly content, but I don't even think about that. I still have moments with women, I still have people who back me up when I need help, and I still have my wits about me. Like I said, the only thing I don't have is a family..but that will happen someday... I hope... but you never know... so you just keep on living and put a big smile on... Life is good
I hate being single right now. Well, it's been about 2 years, I guess that's the ceiling I would put on it. I miss having someone to goto a movie with and just lying in bed with.
No. I'm single now. I've not remarried since my own divorce back in 1993. Dating women with kids is not something I actively seek, either, but I don't mind dating women with kids. It just depends on the circumstances. I like kids, though. As I've said before, I have two sons of my own (ages 13 and 9), so I'm used to being around kids and am experienced with doing kid-stuff. There are some kids I can't get along with (some kids are just obnoxious). And there's always the father of those kids to consider as he'll be around in one form or another in many cases. Dating a woman with kids can add a lot to the situation (interestingly, only one woman I've dated since my divorce has even met my kids). There are a lot of extra things to deal with. But it's never been anything I would recommend shying away from.
I'm only 18, so I don't know if I can contribute much to the "single" life, but... Like everyone said, it has its advantages and disadvantages. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think there are more advantages when you list them, but the disadvantages seem to outweigh the advantages if you really miss having someone in your heart. I've only really dated 1 girl in my entire life, and sometimes I desperately wish we still dated, even though we are still friends and I know we aren't meant to be together. I think more than anything, people who get sad over being single just miss having an 'automatic' date...the person you can go out with all the time and not worry about having to find something to do. I'm sure everything changes when you finally meet "the one," but I'm too young to really comprehend all that junk.
Manny, a few words- You are not alone, this is the net, home of all losers like us. I hear you on the point you made about the girls in your class. I've counted the attempts I've made over the school year and I'm like 0 for 14 (I $#it you not.) On one hand I think of the great girls that have come in life and just blew me away and what it would be like if I would've gotten with them. On the other hand though, I understand that everything happens for a reason. I would enjoy having a bond with the person I love and the benefits like sex and whatnot, but I also enjoy a life free of certain complications. I don't have to answer to anyone when I feel like going out. I do what I want, when I want as far as life decisions. I don't have anything holding me back. All my friends from high school are now married with children (4 TDs in one game .) If I invite them to an Astros or Rockets game, they usually can't make it and when they do there are times when they can't enjoy their selves because of their significant other. This also ruins my enjoyment. Life is long and I want to experience as much of it as I can before there comes a time when I have to worry about another person. I personally don't want to get married until I'm in my thirties. I don't know if I reall made my point because I'm getting sleepy and I keep losing my train of thought. Basically while there are times that I'd like to have a special person in my life, I'm more than happy with my freedom.
i was hurt so bad by my last girlfriend that she made me believe that i will never be able to have a nice long lasting relationship with anyone ever again. i mean i was going to wait till marriage and everything, but i mean when she screwed me over, i lost my mind, and went buck wild. im just now way to sceptical that falling in love with any girl and her being faithful to me for the rest of her life will ever work. i mean really if i think hard about it, that doesnt make any sense, and yet i still believe it. she did me in pretty good. im probably blowing it all out proportion though...
