OK, so I write resumes for a living, and like a lot of hiring managers and recruiters, I read a lot of resumes from job seekers. This potential client needed an updated federal resume- on this type of resume, it is required that, for each job, you include the name of your immediate supervisor, his/her phone number, and a statement saying whether or not they might be contacted. So I reviewed his existing federal resume and came to an older military position: United States Marine Corps, (Dates) Communications Technician (note: this is not a high-ranking position) Name of Supervisor: President Bush Phone Number: White House May be contacted. Now, did he really think a potential employer would call Mr. Bush for a reference? From his other employment positions, he clearly understood the requirement for providing the immediate supervisor's contact info and statement, not the "The Commander-in-Chief is my supervisor." I would have to say this ranks up there with one of the dumbest things I've ever read on a resume. Any other people who read resumes for a living experience something like this?
I'd write him back and tell him he got the job pending the response from all his hiring managers. Unfortunately, we're still missing one and are still waiting.
Tell him you called the White House and some pesky guy called Barack told you Bush wasn't there. Then berate him for his lack of honesty.
There was guy during the dot com boom who wrote the acronym PFM all over his resume. One dev manager at my company asked them what it stood for and he told them "Pure *****ing Magic". They walked him out the door.
Not a resume, but I had a classic job application from an amazingly illiterate young man. He misspelled his own name (I know because he wrote it in two separate spots with a different spelling on each one), misspelled his previous employer and previous position, and desired a pay rate of 7:00. On a one page application with no attached resume, there were no less than 10 spelling or grammatical errors.
Man, this stuff is comic gold- PFM- you just can't make up stuff like that. Keep them coming- I'm delivering a seminar next month on introductory resume writing and always like to use these in between topics to lighten up things. Thanks! My favorite ones are the spelling/usage errors that SpellCheck doesn't catch, like the lady who was a "Pubic Relations Director" for a non-profit organization or the civil engineer who "analyzed the structure from several different angels."
Are you saying you write resumes for a living, or you read them as a hiring manager/recruiter? There is a difference. Good thing this isn't on your resume.
Well, I write them for a living, but as part of the process, I read the resumes that clients write for themselves (about 95% already have some sort of existing resume). Most are in need of a full or partial rewrite- but occasionally someone comes to me with a great resume and I tell them, "Don't pay me or anyone else to rewrite it- send it out" (some just need assurance that what they have is good). At the other end of the spectrum, I see some things on people's resumes that just make you shake your head. I tell you what it's been lately in addition to the above situations- the emails that some people use. The latest one read "verywilling###___@gmail.com"- why would someone use that email on a professional resume? I've seen others like "hotrod@..., eroticone@..." Just boggles the mind. Of course, we're talking about a small group as far as the major gaffes- most individuals don't have glaring errors like these- but you do see them here and there.
Are you trying to say that I can't be a PUBIC RELATIONS Director at all? Why, those things need to get along with each other. We live in a world that has pubes. And those pubes have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Dandorotik? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for those pubes and you curse the SwoLy. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the pube's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on those pubes. You need me on that pube. Also, Shift Supervisor (without the "F") is another good one.
I got an unsolicited resume by e-mail recently. It said "I'll be expecting your phone call" or something like that. WTF no! First of all, the person e-mailed the wrong person. Second, keep expecting.
OK, you're either quoting a movie that I can't recall right now or the SwoLy is RealLy on a RolL. Yeah, I've seen that, but I think it was "***** Leader" in a restaurant- which actually makes sense because many of us who used to work in that industry (or still do) were treated as such.
Sorry to keep replying on these- but you hit the nail on that one- I've used that example for several years in various presentations as a "what not to do" on a cover letter- had a prospective client several years ago who was sending out a cover letter he wrote with the last line as "I expect to hear from you shortly" instead of "Thank you for your time"- do people actually think this is going to make them seem confident as opposed to arrogant? Strange.
O' wow. Good stuff. Hats off to MadMax. In your mind, Mr. rhadamanthus, how did I do? I TRULY AND HONESTLY DIDN'T KNOW MadMax HAD DONE THAT in recent times, and certainly didn't think I was the first. Pubes.
