Got hit with the marriage ultimatum... deadline coming up soon

If she is the one, marry her.
But to me, this is the type of woman that when things end, she is going to end up getting married with the next guy that comes along withing a year's time. It's happened to me twice.

 

So, what does your Mom have to say about the situation?


But seriously folks,

1. For a woman @30, commitment is certainly a valid concern. 99% of women consider marriage and children as the whole point of their existence. If you aren't going to get on board , she really doesn't have any more time to invest in you. If she dropped you today, how much time does she have to get over you, date some schlubs, find an acceptable dude and try to make some babies. Not much, her concept of her life is being pushed in to a corner. So for her sake, commit or quit.

2. I wouldn't put a lot of stock in the walking testosterone cases on this board and their easy chant's of Eject! It's not that easy to inflict that amount of pain on someone you care about or to live with your own pain.

3. But, commiting and living a life with an undercurrent of resentment will not do anyone any good either.

 

You're a momma's boy.

She needs to move on.

sorry

 

Sometimes I find it is a good thing that my parents live on the other side of the World and I see them only about once or twice a year.

I've had the marriage ultimatum before and I said no and don't regret it. The way I look at it is that yes both partners should have a reasonable expectation in regard to where the relationship is going but to I don't think it helps to put it interms of an ultimatum especially when there are clearly issues that need to be worked out.

To me the ultimatum sounds as much about making you change your relationship with your mother as it is you marrying her. The problem there is that if she is going to marry you then your relationship with your mom is part of the deal since that is who you are. I'm not going to criticize you for being a momma's boy but you clearly value that relationship and you have to ask yourself is your girlfriend worth it for you to give up on that relationship?

 

In all fairness though, I believe that the strongest bond between 2 people should be between man and wife, not kid and parent.

That's just my opinion though.

 

I think that's one of those situations where it matters how old the children are. I think if you're a parent of young children then the children are the most important. If the kids are adults then its just creepy.

 

agreed

 

I don't think that my relationship with my kids should trump my relationship with my wife. I also don't think that my relationship with my wife should trump the relationship with my kids. I'll put it this way though, I have vowed to live the rest of my life with my wife. My kids will grow up and move out and start their own life.

I'm sure someone is going to ask, "Well, what if she treated your kids bad?" Of course I would never allow it and that would be a deal breaker. My wife knows that my kids are important to me and that we are all a family. Treating my kids bad would be the same as treating me bad. On the same note, I'd never let my kids treat my wife bad either.

I figure that if I treat my wife well and my kids well, it will never be an issue. I wouldn't put them in a situation where it would divide us. It seems like so many people think that kids or parents or spouses have to "win" over the other. That is dysfunctional and not a family.

 

If you are asking strangers that don't know either of you if you should get married. Might be time to start looking into getting some real friends instead of internet friends.

That. And dump her. Obviously, she's going to threaten to leave you every time you have any other kind of issue the rest of your lives.

And saying you are worried about what your mommy thinks at 30 is probably just an excuse because you know she's not right for you.

Of course, I could be totally wrong since I don't know either of you.

You should totally post pics of your mom.

 

Unbiased answers can't hurt...although it might be tough wading through the sarcasm at times.

But hey, you gotta love the pooper joke!

 

Why didn't you just ask for it up front?

 

Maybe he does have real friends but want's a wider range of opinions. Maybe he thinks it easier to ask here anonymously than create an uneasy situation talking to someone who knows his mother and girlfriend.

 

she sounds like a woman that knows what she wants. Sounds like a keeper. Go for it

 

In law problems are no fun, think twice about putting yourself in the middle of a future Mother-in-law/wife battle. If it is bad now, before you get married, watch out afterwards. I would guess that since your gf is antagonistic now, she will really put her foot down about your Mother as time goes by.

It is funny, I never had troubles with my Mother-in-law, but I got a doozy of a father-in-law. He tried to live his life through his son, and still does. It is to the point where I can't stand to be around him and my poor husband is caught in the middle.

Only you know how you feel about your gf, so only you can decide what to do about this situation. But, you don't sound like you are ready for marriage - and if you aren't ready - DON'T get married. To be fair to her, you need to let her know. Given your ages, she maybe losing her chance for a family by sticking around waiting for you to make up your mind.

 

Marriage ultimatum, lol. **** that.

 

We've been through this a million times. People ask for advice on this board because they want to hear what people who aren't emotionally involved have to say.

Ironically, there are times when that can be more helpful than talking to a bunch of people you already know. Most of them are probably tired of hearing about it anyway.

 

That's hard to say. I think there are a lot of divorces in this country that are begun because the spouses' bond is interrupted by children. I think if the spouses keep their bond strong, the blessings to the children flow greater through that bond.

Basically, all the people I know that have parents that are still ridiculously in love, turn out to be well balanced good people. There may or may not be a correlation.

 

Oh and that ultimatum option is pretty scary when you think about that eternal life thing.

 

There's hardly ANYTHING worse to me than hearing a woman saying "Grow Up!" ...Like , who gave women administrative control on a man's maturity level?

Buuuut I'd have to agree with this. A 30 year old man should be able to make up his own mind who he chooses for a life partner. If mom is THE deciding factor, thats kinda weak...
If Jessica Biel wants to marry me, we're getting married NEXT DAY - the heck what mom or dad or even the church wants.

And the thing is..people DO NOT CHANGE. Okay yeah there's exceptions, and yeah you can alter and adjust and tweak a little...but change only happens like 3% of people. You're as-is/She's as-is. If she doesnt like the completed product you are, its just gonna get worse using marriage to coerce you to change your ways. And she gets to walk out with a few of your possessions if it doesnt work out for her, for all the "trouble you put her through".

Just legalize polygamy already. Geez, itd be so much easier

 

I was just buttering him up with the first part.