What a great website! Here's the list I could compile a similar list except that in hindsight, they were probably all my fault. And I wouldn't be able to stand reviewing such a long list of defeats.
I would punch my girlfriend in the mouth if she argued about all that crap. Then I would dump her. j/k about the punch to the mouth, but how could you live with someone when you argue about how to cut a f'n Kiwi?
See if you can spot the difference between these two statements: (a) "Those trousers make your backside look fat." (b) "You're a repellently obese old hag upon whom I am compelled to heap insults and derision - depressingly far removed from the 'stupid, squeaky, pocket-sized English women' who make up my vast catalogue of former lovers and to whom I might as well return right now as I hate everything about you." Maybe the acoustics were really bad in the dining room, or something. That was funny!
I *love* this website - I've read it before. It's hilarious. I don't think their relationship is particularly conventional, but it seems to work for them... they have kids and a house and it's pretty longstanding... and of course it amuses the rest of us no end.
One of the funniest websites you'll see. Looks like it gets updated. I saw that one about 2 years ago and laughed my ass off -- thanks for bringing it up again! It used to be about 1/3 of the size it is now
(I briefly think of lying. You know, 'It's a kind of fruit, Jonathan.', say, but the risks are huge. It's screamingly obvious that, a few months on, I'd be in a greengrocer's shop and Jonathan would shout across to me 'Papa! Show me where they keep their clitorises… I want to find out what they taste like.')
Oh, and read the FAQ, too. "As I've said before, the secret of a successful relationship is to become irretrievably embroiled in a bitter struggle to the death." HA!
I was almost willing to give this guy the benefit of the doubt until I read this -- "Ikea is just another shop." WHAT!!??? IKEA is NOT just another shop it is (and this is actually what I call it, you can ask Mr. JB) "the happiest place on Earth." Clearly this man is derranged, and his girlfriend is some poor, compassionate soul who has devoted her life to caring for a half-wit.
This is classic! The TV Remote. It is only by epic self-discipline on both our parts that we don't argue about the TV Remote to the exclusion of all else. It does the TV Remote a disservice to suggest that it is only the cause of four types of argument, but space, you will understand, is limited so I must concentrate on the main ones. 1)Ownership of the TV Remote; this is signified by its being on the arm of the chair/sofa closest to you - it is more important than life itself. 2)On those blood-freezing occasions when you look up from your seat to discover that the TV Remote is still lying on top of the TV, then one of you must retrieve it; who shall it be? And how will this affect (1)? 3)Disappearance of the TV Remote; precisely who had it last will be hotly disputed, witnesses may be called. Things can turn very nasty indeed when the person who isn't looking for it is revealed to be unknowingly sitting on it. 4)The TV Remote is a natural nomad and sometimes, may the Lord protect us, it goes missing for whole days. During these dark times, someone must actually, in an entirely literal sense, get up to change the channel; International Law decrees that this "will not be the person who did it last" - but can this be ascertained? Without the police becoming involved?
IKEA sucks. If you want your place to have that sitcom set look, by all means deck it out in a bunch on Scandinavian particle board crap.
I suppose you'd rather have that anal retentive grandparents look so, by all means, head to Fingers, pick up a giant, walnut sideboard and some shabby chic cabinets with roosters on them for your oh-so-vintage kitchen. I'm sure you'll be very happy in your house on the 9th green.
LOL ! Great reply. I actually own a bookshelf & maybe something else from IKEA, some of their stuff is pretty cool. It's kinda weird, though, to walk into someone's place & see it completely decked out in IKEA stuff like one of the little showrooms at the store. Just my personal preference though, I'm not gonna seriously argue over subjective stuff like that.
Ah, but Mrs. JB, Margret's boyfriend is still wearing a leather jacket he bought in the sixth form. He, like Buck, is clearly not aware of the joys of cheap retro-Danish-modern-design knockoffs. It's obvious that Margret, too, has her cross to bear. (Besides, in London, there is more than *one* decent, cheap furniture store in the *whole city*. Not that I'm as bitter as Jeff about all that unbelievably foul expensive crap at Gallery Furniture, Rick's Furniture, Macy's, Sears, Fingers, and Foleys or anything. Really I'm not. Is there an emoticon for puking?)
Glad you picked up on the sarcasm. We certainly don't have a house filled with Ikea, but my wife and I are fans of modern, clean-looking furniture (she's still upset that we sold off that Heywood Wakefield dining room set when we were antique dealers! ) so Ikea can fill the bill for some elements (bookcases are a good example) particulalry when "will the cats destroy this?" is a question that must be asked upon purchase. Another key issue for us is that Ikea makes furniture that is scaled for older homes. We have a sofa from Gallery Furniture (perhaps the only modern-looking piece they've ever sold) but we couldn't get the regular sofa because it was too large for our 1930's Heights cottage. We got the love seat and it fills the room like a normal sofa would. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that you can get cool looking furniture to fill an entire room for the same amount of money you might spend on, say, a teapot from William Sonoma.
