Friday afternoon story time with mlwoo makes it triumphant return!! (9/5/08)

The reason I took a couple weeks off was a couple of reasons. First, I'm running out of good material. Second, I've been busy. This past weekend was really fun. Good times.

I got off work on Thursday and picked up my friend and headed to San Antonio for a wedding. The first fraternity brother to get married. Crazy stuff.

We get there Thursday night to my friends' house. They are in a band called Emory Quinn. I don't know if anyone has ever heard of them but thay are getting big on the Texas country scene. They are all my fraternity brothers.

We go out to eat and have a pretty calm night. We wake up the next morning and go play golf.

I am baaaad at golf. Like never shot below a 120 bad. On hole thirteen, something happens to me. A divine intervention let me play well. I strike the ball about 270 yards off the tee right down the fairway. I am in prime position. The green was 90 degrees to the right of the fairway over a creek. the pin is about 130 yards away. I pull out my 9 iron, which I am absolutely terrible with. I hit that ball perfectly. It lands 6 feet from the hole. The green was very sloped so in no way was this a gimmee put. I sink the put for birdie. Up to this point in my life, I had never even shot a par on a hole. I had made my first bogie ever on hole 4. But for some reason I was blessed with beautiful golf skills for one hole. It was wondeful.

That night we go to this local dive bar called Rascal's. Lots of Karaoke was sung there. Achy Breaky Heart, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Brand New Man, and Piano Man were my main hits. Then the stand off happens. apparently the white trash locals didn't like about 60 fraternity guys and girls coming in and running their bar. I'm a big guy, so I'm recruited to get in their face. We end up going outside. The main local guy says he's going to kick my friends ass. There are 5 of them and about 15 of us outside. For some reason my drunk friend, Collier steps up and tells him that he knows tae kwon do and the guy better back up. Both us and the locals start laughing. The only person that kept a straight face was Collier. "You think I'm kidding?" The guys said screw it and left. I have never seen a threat of tae kwon do usage scare someone off before . It was hilarious.

Saturday we played basketball then got ready for the wedding. So many great things happened this night.

At the reception, I am standing talking to Collier and one of my pledge brothers who is very dumb and his fiance. Collier was engaged recently but his fiance called it off. Needless to say, he was pretty upset about this whole ordeal. This is the conversation that happened between Collier and my dumb pledge bro, Daniel.

Daniel: "So Collier, where is YOUR fiance"
Collier: "Man we broke it off, it's been pretty rough."
D: "Oh I didn't know that. Sorry."
C: "It's cool, I haven't told many people."
D: (Pats Collier of the shoulder) "Well, better luck next time."

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME?!?!?!?!!! ARE YOU FARKING SERIOUS?!?!?!

Collier's jaw dropped. He wasn't even upset. He was just amazed at how stupid one human can be. It was literally the last thing I expected out of Daniel's mouth. Wow.


There was this girl in college named Beth. She was the hottest girl ever. All my friends tried to get with her all throughout college. No one succeeded. She always had some weird boyfriend that was older or something.

She was at the wedding and she looked smokin. I noticed early on the guy I rode with to SA, John was talking to her. As the night went on, they kept talking. They left the reception to go to the bar afterwards together.

We get to this terrible bar, Silo. It would have been unstayable if we didn't have 75 people there with us. My car was first there. I immediately see a cougar. She was really hot. Her name was Linda. I fell in love. We danced to baby got back. It was heaven. I'm trying desperately and drunkenly to get Linda to go home with me. She left with her friend and broke my heart. She was the best 42 year old I ever met.

Later at the bar, my friend Harry comes up to me and says, "Hey dude help me hide, they are trying to kick me out."
Me: "Dude, what happened."
H: "Ricky convinced me to go up to a girl at the bar and say something to her and she did not like it."
M: "Jesus, man. What did you say?"
H: "I'm in love with your ****oris."
M: "What?!"
H: "Her boyfriend was standing there and he did not like it."
M "I bet not"
H: "Ricky said I wasn't a man unless I did it."

Needless to say, they found him shortly afterwards and he was kicked out.

I wake up Sunday morning with no idea how I got home. I am in my full suit with coat, shoes, top button done, with tie on on my friends couch. I look around and noticed John wasn't there. We call him.

He did it.

He pulled the hottest girl at college. He walked back into my firnds' house grinning ear to ear. We all gave him a standing ovation.

One of the best weekends ever.