Not sure what to do......

Forgive me for what is going to be a long post, but the back story needs to be told.

When I was kid, my Aunt Francis was always my favorite relative. My family lived here in Houston, and Francis, w/ her boyfriend Jim (super nice/cool guy), lived in Grand Prairie. My family, usually, my mom, brother and I, would usually go up to visit them several times a year. Francis and my mom were extremely close, as out of 8 siblings, they were the youngest and closest in age. Out of all the relatives we would visit, I always looked forward to seeing Francis the most as she was "the cool aunt".

Francis and Jim married in 1986 and soon after, Francis became pregnant with their first child. Alex was born in January of 87, premature. On top of being premature, Alex was born with a severe birth defect: He was born without a "soft spot" on head, that is, his skull was fused together which would not allow his brain to ever grow. Numerous surgeries were done and Alex, from what I remember, was in the hospital for the first 6-8 months of his life. Uncle Jim worked, and Francis commuted every day from their home in Grand Prairie to the hospital in Dallas to see Alex. I was 13 at the time, but I remember thinking how stressful that had to be.

In March of 1987, I was @ school. The school nurse came to my class and pulled me out to come to the office. When I got to the office, my dad was there and told me we had to go to Dallas, but didn't tell me why. After we left my school, we went and picked up my brother (he went to Cy-Fair and I went to Arnold Jr. High so his school was next door). After we picked up my brother, my dad told us the news: My Aunt Francis had died. She was only 30. While Jim was out of town, Francis was @ home, watching TV in the living room after coming home from seeing Alex in the hospital. She had an aneurism and died instantly. Jim had tried to call her for a day or so and couldn't reach her so he called their neighbor, who went over and found Francis dead.

The whole way up to Dallas, I remember my mom crying, virtually the whole time. I remember getting to Dallas before Jim did. Francis had already been taken away. I never forget walking into their house and seeing a pillow and blanket on Francis' chair. Jim arrived shortly after we did. Ya know, you never forget the first time in your life when you see a grown man, someone who you see as such a cool, tough guy, break down and cry uncontrollably. I admit at 13, I didn't expect that. To this day, its a memory that is burned in.

IIRC, Alex came home from the hospital about 4 months after Francis died.
Jim never worked a day in his life after Francis' death, so he could care for Alex. Despite all the surgeries, Alex had a live-in nurse w/ Jim and him for quite a long time. When Alex was about 2, he no longer required a 24hr. nurse. After the nurse left, Jim and Alex moved to Emory Texas. His parents had a beautiful home on Lake Fork and they lived their, w/ Jim's parents for quite some time until Jim finally built his own house down the road in Yantis, TX.

Things seemed to go downhill from there. I remember always thinking, to this day, how I couldn't do what Jim did. Lose your wife suddenly, and have to raise a disabled child, on your own, that would prevent you from having any life outside of that. As Alex got older, Jim and he would come down to Houston to visit once or twice a year. I always tried to take Jim "out on the town", he needed that ya know. In that time I spent with him, I came to realize how depressed he was over his lot in life. He never really complained or whined about his misfortune, he was always strong about it, but you can only hide so much, and his pain became obvious when I saw him.

My Aunt Francis worked for Frito Lay in Dallas. She was an executive type and ended up having a good life insurance. Jim smartly kept most of that money invested and it always took care of Alex and him. Money has never been an issue. My mom was always concerned about that because we felt Alex would need long term care when he became an adult. When Jim's parents both passed, Jim inherited their estate, which was quite large.

Alex has physical limitations. Mental ones too. Alex is not "r****ded" (I am sorry to use that word, I just can't think of the proper word at this time). He is very smart actually (he graduated high school, although I am not sure if it is a real high school or a special one). His mental limitations are on a social/maturity level. He emails my mom, and myself too sometimes. He can play adult computer games with the best of him. He is small in stature.

We were always concerned that Jim never made plans for Alex when he became an adult. Although his depression was obvious, Jim would never accept help and seemed to be in control. I don't think Alex has ever seen a social worker, who could have helped Jim with Alex' needs.

Several months ago, my mom told me that Jim's neighbors were concerned. Jim and Alex would never leave the house. Their house was a disaster, their utilities were getting shut off (despite the fact that Jim was a millionaire) and all they both did was sit around the house, playing games and browsing the internet. I remember thinking this was going to end tragically for one or both of them.

I received a call last night from my mother. Apparently, Alex emailed my mom and told her Jim was in the hospital. Due to his stress, Jim always had ulcers and neck problems. My mom figured he was in the hospital for a bleeding ulcer. My mom come to find out from Alex, and Jim's neighbors, that Jim took Alex to Lousiana to see a Stevie Ray Vaughn concert ..................................once they got there, Jim became further disoriented and ended up walking into a stranger's house, unannounced (thank God Alex and he were not shot). Jim was arrested and was immediately sent to a mental hospital, where he currently is. Some of Jim's neighbors came and picked up Alex and are now taking care of him.

My mom is now being looked to to handle this, which is causing her to relive Francis' death all over again. My mom is 62; she has trouble walking because of a bad back, she is in the early stage of glaucoma and has heart problems on top of all that. Besides my mom, Jim's closest living kin are his brother (who no one knows is at, and who is incapable of dealing with this regardless) and a sister (currently in drug rehab). Jim's will states that if anything happened to him, that my mom would be the one to handle his estate, and more importantly, Alex.

This morning, I called my mom and volunteered to handle all of this. For the first time in my life, my mom has accepted my help, quite to my surprise. I already feel overwhelmed as I don't know where to start. Alex is now an adult, but no one has ever medically, or legally, said that he would need to be cared for for the rest of his life, even though it is obvious due to his social limitations, he will be.

If anyone has any experience on what steps need to be taken, I would to hear their input. This is a really tragic situation, 21 years in the making. As of right now, no one has gone to see Jim yet. I am in the process of finding out if he can have visitors, and as soon as he can, I am going to see him. I just feel like someone who is family to him needs to go see him. Sometimes, friends seeing you just won't do it.

Jim's neighbors are fine watching Alex for a while, but I know they won't be for very long as Alex is quite needy.

This is all new to me.

 

A private social worker? A state social worker?

Where and how do I start?

As far as the state is concerned, Alex is an adult capable of making his own decisions.

I figure I need to get him certified by the state?

 

My uncle's care is not a long term concern. From what I have gathered, he had a nervous breakdown. I don't think he needs to be in a facility, at least not permanently, I just now that Alex and he can not live together anymore, for both of their sakes.

I think Jim will be fine living by himself. I think not having Alex there to take care of, will help him finally grieve the loss of his wife (which I don't think he has ever done), which hopefully, will help him move on and become a productive member of society.

Alex is my main concern. I would assume that either my mother, or myself would need to apply for a conservatorship over Alex so we can get him assessed and put in a facility that is correct for his needs.

 

Here is the latest:

My cousin, Alex is temporarily staying with friends and his father Jim, from what I hear, has been diagnosed with paranoid shcitzophrenia and will be laid up for quite a while. In the short, term, this leaves Alex with no financial support for his everyday living, and more importantly, his medical needs (come to find out that Alex had a shunt, and his father stopped medicating him and Alex had a minor stroke).

Regardless, what this is coming down to is, one of us needs an emergency power of attorney over my Uncle since he is incapacitated.

How?

Where?

Any family lawers on the board that can email me off the board?