I've got a friend who just moved to the New York area about 6 months ago. Yeah, I know - it's the biggest city in the country, but she's having a hard time breaking the ice and integrating. She got a decent job at a major Manhattan law firm (not an attorney) and lives in a nice apartment in Connecticut. She's staying at home, being mopy. The people she works with are younger than her, and she hasn't been able to build a group of friends to hang out with. She's trying the online dating thing, but she doesn't have a good feel for it, and doesn't enjoy that process of meeting someone. But because she hasn't built a group of friends, she's not getting out and meeting people. I've told her that she needs to get involved in the things that she's interested in, but she feels like it'd be pathetic for her to show up at a meeting sometime and say "hi everybody! my name's _____. I'm new here!" Any ideas on how I can advise her on integrating?
volunteer somewhere, join a gym, take a class, join some kind of rec league etc....... Looking at my circle of friends now most of them I met via volunteering (if you are helping a cause you believe in you will automatically have something in common with the other people you meet).
Thanks - that's an excellent suggestion that I also stated to her. I don't think she's much of a humanitarian, though ( I could be wrong).
hmmm.... I'm married and should be careful with my answer.... She's in great shape, is a lot of fun to be around, and is not ugly.
Her best bet is to join one of these small to medium sized gangs in NYC. From what I hear, they are known for loyalty and throwing big parties. Here is a list, and good luck! http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/nyc_mobbs/NYCgangs.html Indian? The reason I ask is that I hear the "not ugly" (instead of pretty) mostly from my Indian friends when they evaluate girls.
Well, then she's out of luck...as far as the 'joining a gang' part is concerned. Can she get away with being Puerto Rican or Russian, even?
Tell her to call this guy: Also: Ryan: You should come visit. The city is... amazing. Jim: I know. I love it there. Ryan: No. You don't know until you live there. There's something about waking up every morning and just being in that city. Jim: Mmhmm, yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun. Ryan: No. You can't imagine it, though. The energy when you're actually there. You're just part of something bigger than you, that's moving faster than you. Your dreams are... . it just... everything feels so limitless. Jim: Sounds great. Ryan: No. It... eh... you can't... it's not about how it sounds. Jim: Yeee... (grunts in frustration)
your friend lives in Connecticut. she should do things that people that live in Connecticut do. maybe join a country club or yacht club?
does she work in manhattan and live in conn? If so thats part of the problem tell her to join some clubs of stuff shes interested in
Yup - that's exactly what she does. I've told her that, but she's being mopy (she's usually VERY outgoing, but being in a new city, BIG city, alone... that can be intimidating).
She needs to try harder by going to parades. And post numerous emoticons whenever she posts on message boards.
Tell her to find a hobby that isn't something you do in a house. Try different groups, volunteering, sports, etc. One place I always think of when I think of meeting new people is the library. Our library has lots of different activities that they do during the week and I have met some really nice people at writing groups and acting groups that they host there.
i live in Manhattan. I'll integrate her. But seriously, there are a million things to do around here. For starters, just take a freakin' walk. It does take a few months to a year to actually settle in and feel comfortable in the city. Fortunately I have friends and family here so it's not bad at all. You're not going to just build a group of friends instantaneously. You have to extend yourself once in a while. If she's desperate, tell her to get on craigslist and find a friend. Does she have family around here?
I hate to say it, too, but I agree. why did she choose to live in Connecticut while taking a job from a posh law firm in Manhattan? is she overwhelmed by the big city?
