[couples question]Live with a significant other before marriage?

LOL! Good call! We still got the furniture though.

 

I didn't live with my husband until after we were married.

I think you know if you love someone enough to be with them forever; you don't need to live with them to see if it will work out first.

 

Disagree strongly. They shot a few monkeys into space before they sent men to the moon. A trial run is even more important before getting into something as complex as a marriage as it is for space exploration, if you ask me. Those guys were only in space for like a week. Marriage is intended to last decades.

 

Been married for a year and a half, and we lived together for about the same time before getting married.

Highly recommend it. Other than religion, I can't see any reason why you wouldn't want to try it out...living together is different than having separate places.

After a big fight, you can't just go home and see them the next day...you have to stay in the same place. You don't have nearly as much alone time, etc...

Try it out. I'm glad I did.

 

That's just my view on it. To each their own. All I know is, i've been happily married for almost 3 years so it worked for me.

 

It simply depends on the couple. I know folks who lived together and then divorced within a couple of years.

I know a number of couples who never lived together and have been married for 25+ years.

 

why buy the cow.

 

My girlfriend moved in with me back in October, we got engaged in November, and are getting married in August. Living together is a far different experience than just spending a few nights a week together. There can be stressful parts, particularly with cleanliness and money. My fiancee sucks at cleaning, and makes far less money, so that is a source of frustration for living together. Things have gotten a lot better as things have gone on though. Just be prepared as you will need to set predetermined roles in the house.

 

My wife and I lived together for about 6 years before we got married. We "dated" for a few years before that. We've been happily married for 8 years now. It was what worked for us at the time.

Obviously, we're slow learners and/or apathetic toward institutionalized union...

 

my wife and i live together for 4 years before getting married. and we still do.

 

What an attention wh...oh wait...

Couples can handle a lot and in this day and age, IMHO, its customary to live together first...However, I did and got divorced...not to say there is a correlation or anything, but I wish I wouldn't have...

Playing house is totally different than being married...People may disagree, but it's true...Once you've got a vested interest (ie. marriage/committment), the rules change and it's different...

That being said, my advice would be to wait..There is nothing to say you won't be there every night anyway...Moving in together doesn't cement your love...And don't do it to "save" money...you have to establish boundries and defiine your space so "If" things don't work out, it's much easier than if they do...but that's just my $0.02...

 

I dont think shes asking about the marriage side of it, She just wants to know if the move in is a good idea in general.

I say sure, might as well find out how they really are when youre stuck with coming home to them everyday.

 

Lived with one and her BF in college, didn't work out, but was fun.

Met my future wife just before graduating and we moved in together after she graduated, we have been together for 18 years now, 13 of them married.

I recommend it, you find out just how compatible you two are.

DD

 

I can't believe anyone would not live together before marriage.

 

Article about this subject

Stats about this subject

Good for men bad for women?

 

Research shows that unless a couple intends on marrying each other, the cohabitation usually ends in a break-up. Not saying that it's true for every couple, just most. So, there is a chance (although against you) that it might work out for you guys. Good luck.

 

Another article on the subject

 

This is true.

http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/marriage_myths.html

Bunch ominous info here: http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html

In the end, what matters most is what I think I said earlier in that other thread; you better know what love is and you better know you are in love before you base your relationship on it, if not then you should base your marriage on tangible factors. Good luck lady.


EDIT: I think we've giving this one enough to think and worry about.

 

Now for my take on it.

I've known multiple people who lived together before marriage, and they've all run into the same problem. When they live together before marriage, they don't think of themselves as married.

Well they aren't duh. But it's a problem. You get into a routine living with someone. If aren't married and you don't live and think as though you are married, then when the time comes to tie the knot, making the necessary changes is nearly impossible.

Many couples cohabaitate under the bf/gf roomate setup where they sleep together and do a lot of the husband/wife stuff, but try to maintain their own independence. After all, they aren't married. How do you suddenly turn that off though when you do get married?

All the people who say "you don't really know a person until you live with them" are right of course, but I think they are missing the boat. Most marriages don't break up because when you got together you found out your wife doesn't close cabinets, doesn't turn off the closet light, snores, and doesn't walk the dogs. Many of the issues that do lead to breakups are things you are likely to miss just living together as independent bf/gf.

 

My wife and I didn't live together before we got married (it'll be a year in August), and even though we spent plenty of time at each other's place, moving in together after the wedding was system shock for both of us to be sure.

I've chalked up the experience to the first year getting adjusted period. I know one thing that not living together did was give her a different "reality" to our respective financial situations as compared to actually being married.

If I could give you one piece of advice about getting married, rather than living together, have a serious talk about money issues (i.e. debt, saving mentality, etc.).

Coming from different socioeconomic backgrounds, this has been the single biggest hurdle for us during our first year.