sorry to hear about all of this, ogrodowizhtojfdlnowitz. i always thought that you, your wife, and your bro were cool people by letting me shoot hoops at your place. the both of you really did seem like a great couple. i'm no counselor, but with that being said... her "time alone to think" = her wanting time for you to get your bearings straight for the potential divorce. it just seems like she's already made her decision. what it boils down to is... if someone's mind needed changing, then they'd change it themselves. you're not God and you have no control over what she wants to do. do you really want to be with someone that you had to convince to stick around? sometimes you have to let people make their mistakes and learn from them. unfortunately, there's a child that has to live with that mistake as well. anyhow... DON'T LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAID IN THE SECOND PARAGRAPH OR WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS IN THIS THREAD. i hate seeing a nice couple as the both of you break apart, but as dod would say... "go see a doct..." errr... counselor. i'll throw a prayer your way, bro.
She cheated on you with that one guy of all people. If you never confronted her about it, do you think she would have said anything? At least, now you know why.
Wow - that sucks - but in all honesty she cheated on you, and there is no excuse for that, even if you were not affectionate. A good wife or person would have come to you her husband and discussed it rather than simply went out with another guy behind your back. If it were me, I would do the following - only because I have zero tolerance for this crap from your wife or the ex-guy... I would print copies of the myspace correspondence, confront the guy that is wooing your wife, tell him that you have copies of the correspondence and are planning to send it to his wife. Tell you wife, that you would like to seek counseling, but realize that she has done this once, and chances are she will do it again, she was not honest enough with you to tell you straight up...that is a bad sign. If it were me I would divorce my wife, seek full or joint custody and make the best of the situation. The most important thing about all of this is to keep you boy out of it....he didn't do anything to deserve this......and his life is going to be turned upside down becuase of stuff out of his control......also, realize that kids are way more resiliant...and he will get over it faster than you. I am sorry if this post sounds callous, but man, that guy is screwing around with your KIDS life...and that is not fair....... Why should you and your wife have to go through counseling, or these hard discussions and him walk away scott free? Rat him out........he deserves it. DD
I like DD's advice...I also have zero tolerance for cheating. Your wife completely messed up. You can use her cheating ways to get custody of your kid.
I am sorry you going through this I hate to say this but. . . you are giving her alot of BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT If he is so 'completely untrustworthy' . . . does it not take two to tango? How do you know they never slept together? I'm not hear to dog your wife or anything but You are making some assumption and seem to be taking her at her word . . on alot of things. You know her better than I . . so I will 'take you word for it' But I am only saying. . . .Everything would be suspect after the 1st deception. I hope you come out on the other side of this ok If you all do stay together. . . will you be ok with her still speaking to him? Rocket River
Girls* do this all the time. What I find amazing is that they genuinely don't think they're doing anything wrong. It's astounding. * not ALL girls. a good number of girls. a very good number, like 80%.
A couple of notes: -I've found, that by and large, women will find a backup man if things get shaky. So it may be a case of the chicken or the egg with this other guy. -Definitely rat the guy out. Not that it will matter, but it will make you feel better. -I'm with the consensus- your early marriage age probably makes this hard. You guys might have to find new things in common and even fall back in love. -Since you guys have a child, it makes saving the marriage worth giving a shot. Kids are everything. -And you're still super young, even if it doesn't work out, there is plenty of time for you to move on.
That other dude is obviously a complete douche. If you two separate and she goes with him, he will eventually treat her like crap after his horniness wears off. I don't usually believe in the whole "when you love something let it go, and if it comes back its yours" bs, but in this case it might work. Its a tough situation man, I couldn't imagine what I would do. I would probably find the guy and punch him in the nose.
I really fear that you may be a little too trusting and that she is going to use that against you. You state that she has kissed the guy but never slept with him. Is that what she TOLD you, or is that what you KNOW? If that is what she told you, rest assured that she probably isn't going to tell you everything. You need to print out those messages. That may be evidence of an affair. My fear for you is that she tells you everything is going to be ok, etc...and then BLAM...you get served with divorce papers and a restraining order. This gives her the upper hand from word one. If a divorce is what happens, you can use the evidence of her affair, and calling her boyfriend to testify, as leverage to try to get custody of your child. Good luck.
I agree with: 1) Counseling. 2) That she is trying to shift some of the blame from her cheating to perceived problems in the relationship which may or may not exist. I'm going to generalize here and say that a lot of immature women are very good at backwards rationalizing after the act on their emotional whims. I doesn't really sound like your marriage was bad by any means. You lost some spark, but that is actually isn't that hard to reclaim if you two still like each other on a fundamental level (hence counseling is a good idea). Also, half-jokingly and half-serious: tell her that after (if?) she leaves you for this other guy who IS ALSO MARRIED, they'll have a nice little fling, but then he will ultimately realize he loves his wife and go back to her. It will play out like a cliche movie script.
wow, that sucks. she cheated on you though. i wish i had some advice, but i hope the best for you and your kid.
First I am sorry this happened but in this time of hard emotions and self pity: ACT NOW!!!!!!!!! What is the most important thing in your life? YOUR KID!@! You should have gotton a lawyer that night! LAWYER UP!! Copy all the messages from myspace. Screen shots, printouts. Seems mean right? Well are you cheating? NO. Is she? YES!! Look here is the bottom line, she is cheating, she is being lied to. Hopefully counseling will work it out and this guys bluff will fizz out before he nails her (if it has not already happened) but frankly this dude is running major game (the old I am gonna leave my wife trick) and you need to protect your life. Just go talk to a lawyer. KEEP YOUR KID IN YOUR LIFE, REDUCE CHILD SUPPORT,SAVE YOUR LIFE
Print them out and get to a lawyer first. Doing that crap to the guy if you are trying to keep your wife will push you wife further away. When he says "OH CRAP!" and runs back to his wife she will blame you and then you will be without a lawyer, without a kid and paying child support.
women... are really starting to piss me off.. i think i'm truly starting to dislike them.. which is unbelievable.. as once I thought them to be the wiser sex.. but more and more I hear of things such as this.. the more and more cynical i am about the whole relationships BS.. it's all just freaking pointless.. when the other half is so.. prone to what is at it's purest.. duplicitous behavior.. rampant stupidity.. and/or underhanded, calculative manipulation in the guise of 'confusion'.. because.. no one person could be this confused and still function this perfectly.. its bs.. they hide behind that accepted, perceived flaw of their gender.. to act out their bs.. without the responsibility or burden of conscience.. i mean wtf.. there's no point to all that mess ^ its all meaningless ****..
No matter how you look at it, she cheated on you. That simple fact alone should give you good enough reason to take this whole divorce thing like a man. Move on! Think about how you felt about divorce before you knew she's been dating that guy. Plus, after what she did, she just doesnt' deserve your love. If you think there's something wrong with the way you treat your significat other, learn from it, and treat your future wife like a queen. Remmeber, she already decied to move on regardless of how you gonna handle this. What you been doing now is just keeping hurting yourself. You deserve better!
