I apologize in advance for this thread, and there might have been a duplicate thread..my computer isn't on the best of terms with me. So is life... I'm just wondering how you all cope with loss. I guess it's kind of tacky to write something in the 'hangout', but I think we can all relate to one another in some way. I respect many of the posters who I've come to "know" over the years. We're all human right? Anyway, this has been one of the toughest years of my life. My fiance recently had a miscarriage, and I've never been able to understand life in general after that. There has been a dark, dark cloud looming over our house afterward. But things haven't let up... Last night, my cousin(we're very close), who has been addicted to drugs over the years, sent me a late night text message. He's been involved in a few gangs over the year, but I've always known that he was a good soul. I've been there for my cousin over the years, even giving him an extra room to sleep in, and even giving him a decent paying job. ($18.00 an hour) Anyway, last night I received a text message. My phone automatically deletes text messages that overfill my inbox. Dom wrote (in my best memory) "Goodbye, Nick. I'm sorry for everything. I love you. -Dom" I didn't wake up to the text message, and I've never felt so much regret in my life. I wish I woke up, but I didn't. I'm unable to deal with that. But I'm just wondering how you all deal with loss. I've never been on any sort of medication, so I'm not sure how I feel about that. Life has just become messy. It doesn't help that we're playing the j*zz Sorry again, Cod
sorry to hear about the miscarriage, codman. i don't understand why you're apologizing to us though. of course there's going to be time necessary to mourn the loss of the baby (we're not sure when it happened... you just said "recently"), but you don't want to spend too much time in your life trying to "cope" there's a reason why it sounds like "mope". you do NOT want to dwell in this because it will lead to deeper, darker, and more potentially harmful things in your life. you don't have to like "life on life's terms", but you do have the ability control how you feel after the initial shock and mourning period. coping with life is destructive. managing it puts yourself in control and will make you a stronger person for you and your family. second thing... call your cousin and make sure that he's still alive first and foremost (sheesh!). offer to get him help and leave it at that. memorial hermann prevention and recovery center is excellent, but insurance must be badass for that place. there's also a place called "the right step" that may be of some assistance. you have a lot on your plate right now... obviously (dirk's keyword fit in perfectly there... cool). having your cousin sleep over and sending you text messages showing you how he wallows in his self-pity is extremely selfish... especially after you yourself have been through a traumatic experience. you know... alcohol was my addiction, not drugs (however addiction is addiction), but if your cousin needs someone to talk to or point him in the right direction... i'll help with pointing him the right direction of one of those rehabilitation facilities or go to a meeting or two with him. i've only been sober from alcohol a little over six months now, but i still go to meetings on a regular basis. tigercranestyle@gmail.com is my email addy. if you're still interested after the email, then i'll give you my number. how can you help your cousin if your life is unmanageable right now and you can't help yourself? i hope that doesn't sound mean, but seriously... you need to clean up at home before you invite guests over.
Time and talking about it is the only thing that works for me. I get mad at first, but it cools off pretty quick. Talking to friends about things is the best thing. Keep on venting in your thread, too. Things will get better.
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. Words are cheap...but feel the range of emotions..go through them. If you believe in God, be real with him. Yell at him...go through it all...question him. Wrestle through it with him. "How can you let this happen?" Read through Psalms...read through Job...read through Habbakuk...where people cry out to God and queston him. Just don't be fake about it, is all I'm saying....and if you need help, please get it. If your fiancee needs help, please help her get it. Losing a child is beyond my comprehension...and even more so if you're the mother. I'm praying for you and rooting for you.
