say it with me now... COMM-UN-I-CA-TION communication makes or breaks a majority of relationships. Trust is ingrained along with it. If you really plan on spending the rest of your life with this guy, you better make sure you're on the same page. Allow me to take a whack at the dead horse here... The guy is only 19... even if he's mature for his age... he's still a 19 year old male... the most dangerous driver the earth has ever known. Not because of incompetence, but arrogance, immaturity, and showmanship. Drinking is something you start to experiment with when you grow up, and there is a good chance he'll settle down after a few bad experiences, but there is also a good chance he'll get hooked and you'll have to deal with him hitting up the bars until his liver shrivels up. Just tell him you're concerned about it. Stop trying to be a martyr because you think you're being the bigger man and that somehow vindicates you in front of everyone. I've seen it in too many relationships... the unjust balance. My best friend married this girl at the age of 19 and now has one kid with another on the way 2 years later. He has nothing in common with her, but it seemed like he was too worried about disappointing people around him than expressing his true feelings about their relationship. I'm not saying this is a similar situation, I'm just saying you need to stop acting like eventually someone will take your side... you need to do whats best for you. This is YOUR LIFE. Not His.
I told him. He doesn't agree that it's a problem. That's were the breakdown is. It isn't communication. We can talk it to death and he still won't think there's anything wrong with it. I'm not trying to be a martyr. I'm really at a disadvantage because I don't know how much is too much, or if even one is too much. Only he knows that.
This is... In fact, 1 beer is enough to impair judgment and slow reaction time (even if by a small amount), and it's generally accepted that it takes 1 hour for every serving of alcohol to process. So if he has a beer at 11, another at 12, and his last one at 1am, he should probably be ok by 2am. That's not common drinking habit though, as most people take advantage of last call whether they're drinking heavily that night or not. If that's the case, he wouldn't be completely good to go until at least 3am. Longer if he had another beer within that same hour. I wasn't born yesterday, so if I had to guess based on this guy's age and maturity level, I'd say that when he tells you "a few beers" it easily translates to at least 5, maybe more. Maybe you should go out with him a couple of times and observe his tendencies. Also observe his friend's tendencies, since they won't be under the scrutiny of their gf. His drinking habits (when you're not around) are probably pretty well reflected in the people he drinks with...
He's in denial. Nobody wants to admit its a problem. Drinking and Driving is a very serious problem. If he just got into drinking, he probably hasn't built up any tolerance yet, and 1 beer could easily distract him from driving responsibilities. You need to do something drastic to get his attention. Punch him in the stomach at 3 AM.
That's really helpful information CCR. Thanks. Maybe I'll take your advice then use some of those numbers to strike a compromise. If he's still being hard headed, I'll just let him be. A few weeks COMPLETELY apart might do the trick. (No more after work rendezvous!) Thanks you guys. Even the not serious ones (put it in the butt, punch in stomach), made me smile.
Being concerned about drinking and driving... is not an issue with a couple's 'growing pains'. Many young adults consider themselves invinvicble... 'won't happen to me' syndrome. Well it does... everyday.
I come in here thinking it's another work out thread and it ends up being a relationship thread. Cleverly done Shadypink! Cleverly done!
Believe me when I say it, he won't be only guy out there if things don't work out between you guys. When you turn 25, there will be a LOT of stuff that happened since you were 19. I hope he wakes up and realize that driving and drinking is a big NO-NO. Sadly, it takes something drastic to happen for people to change. Good luck, girl!
That sux...SOme guys are just hard headed and it'll never get to them until something bad happens...He sees it as nagging and it's because he doesn't want to be told what to do..Its control...Hope you work it out, if not, there are plenty of other guys out there...
Why would you let a person put you down. When I was a few years younger and your age (I think you're like 19 or 20), I felt the same about a few girls. Now if I get down at life, it is because of my miserable self, not of the opposite sex. Believe me, I've been there done that. It's the same for guys and girls.
Well put. If this guy is getting uptight about you nagging him about drinking and driving he's probably not going to change without either a very bad experience or until he grows up some more. The problem is that you might not want to deal with his bad experience, bailing out of jail, driving him everywhere because he lost his license, or visiting him in the hospital, and it might take a while for him to get more mature. I say this with a grain of salt as an Internet message board is definately not the best place to get relationship advice but my advice is if this is something you can't deal with then dump him otherwise be prepared for potentially bad consequences or a long wait. I highly doubt nagging him will get him too change.
seconded I was 19 once, and partying my ass off...and driving. I look back and wonder that I didnt kill me, my friends that always rode with me and other innocent people. I knew nothing bad could happen to me then. That is something most of us grow out of, but hun...it took me till I was 30, are you willing to wait? Unless he is deeply afraid of losing you, naggin isnt gonna help, he would eventually get tired of it and move on.
One thing you have to realize about relationship is that timing plays a huge role. Sometimes one of you is ready and the other is not. There was a guy in college I was involved with, but we never could get our timing right. I would be more committed or he would, but we never could get the strong committment going at the same time. This guy may be someone you are in love with, but he may not be at the same point right now. Not to say he hasn't been in the past, or won't be in the future. The relationship works best when you both are committed and in love at the same time. This may sound silly, but I have been married 22 years to a wonderful man. So I have some experience to back this theory up.
