Last night-- rerun of the greatest Simpsons episode ever!

All I can do is give you one name, Edgar Neubauer.

 

You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of here in Springfield: one, the bats in the public library. Two, Mrs. McFierly's compost heap. And three, our six-term mayor, the illiterate, tax-cheating, wife-swapping, pot-smoking, spendocrat.
Hey. I am no longer illiterate.

Very well. If that is the way the winds are blowing, let no one say I don't also blow.

Now, students, I want you to be on your best behavior for this carefully-choreographed media event. Now this means there is to be no wising-off, no face-making, and no grass-eating. This means you, Ralph.
Yes, sir.

Uh, yeah, yeah. I love Grimby. Uh, can I have some more bumper stickers, please, dude?
All right! The mummy's ready for his mystical journey.

Mayor Quimby, you're well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on crime. But suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs, your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths, you try to open the door but there's too much blood on the knob.
What is your question?
My question is about the budget, sir.

Hmm...I don't agree with his Bart- killing policy, but I do approve of his Selma-killing policy.

And the results are in. For Sideshow Bob, 100%, for Joe Quimby, 1%. And we remind you there is a 1% margin of error.

Aah! It's the Rapture! Quick, get Bart out of the house before God comes!

I've never gone behind Mr. Burns' back before but Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views, er, conflict with my...choice of lifestyle.

You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth- handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities.

 

Lisa: Bart, your mortal enemy is on the radio! [turns it on]
Marty: It's time for more deeee-mentia with Dr. Demento.
Bart: Aah! [tosses radio out window]
Marty: And now, "The Funny Five"!
Lisa: I meant your _other_ mortal enemy. Sideshow Bob.
Bart: [gasping] Sideshow Bob? Oh. I'm only ten and I already got two mortal enemies.


Quimby: And this proposed expressway will bring increased commerce to our local merchants.
[people gab amongst themselves]
Abe: What's in it for us?
Jasper: Yeah, give us something we like or we'll ride you out of town on a rail!
Quimby: Ahem, well, uh, what do you people like?
Jasper: Sleep.
Man: Sexy dames, and plenty of 'em.
Abe: Maaatloock!
[murmurs of assent]
Quimby: Well, I suppose I could name it the "Matlock Expressway".
[everyone cheers]

Teacher: [slowly] Now, boys and girls, who knows what this is?
Bart: [cocky] Triangle.
Teacher: Very good, Bart! You have first choice of toys for free play.
Bart: Cool! I call the Flintstone Phone.
[dials it]
Fred: Yabba dabba do, I like talkin' to you!

Bart: So whoever it is who wrote that note wants to meet us here
tonight?
Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein.
Bart: Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics.
Homer: Stuck-up Riverdale punks...think they're too good for me!

 

I don't think that was the best episode, but my vote DOES go to a Sideshow Bob episode--the Cape Fear one.

FBI Agent: Ok, when I say Mr. Thompson and STOMP ON YOUR FOOT, you say, "hello"

Homer: Gotcha!

...
...
...

 

Yea, that was a top 5 one for sure.

Oh my God! Someone is trying to kill me! Oh, it's for Bart.

Say your prayers, Simpson! Because the schools can't force you like they should!

Just a few of the classic lines from that episode....

 

Homer :

BART!!! You wanna seemynewchainsawandhockeymask!!!!!!!

Bart :

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sideshow Bob : "Surely There's no harm in laying in a Public Street"

Chief Wiggum : Hold it right there sideshow Bob!

Sideshow Bob "By Lucifer's beard!!!"

Chief Wiggum "Uh yeah... : Its a good thing you drifted by this brothel!"

Bart " Take Em away Boys"

Chief Wiggum "Hey Im the Chief here! , Bake Em Away Toys! ,

Lou "Uh what'd you say Chief?"

Chief Wiggum "Just do what the kid said"

 

Lisa: Grandpa, Matlock isn't real!

Grandpa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob...If you scrape it off and mash it into a paste...Now that's good eatin'!

and, of course, the best line in the whole series...

Lawyer: Why do you have a tatoo on your chest that says, "Die Bart, Die"?

Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, The"

Paroll board member: No one who speaks German can be an evil man...paroll granted!

 

"No children have ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it."

 

Definitely a great one, and the Mr. Thompson thing from Cape fear is great too, but the one where Bart and Lisa play hockey is the best.

Wiggum "Now if I let you out of your cells you have to promise to come back"

Snake: "uhhh no"

Wiggum "well then at least promise not to commit any more crimes"

Snake "no"

Wiggum "i'll take that as a yes"

lets them out of their cells to watch the hockey game.

damn the simpson's have so many classic quotes there's no way to keep track of them.

 

tell DREAMer to start an official simpsons classic line thread...

 

I agree, best Simpsons quote ever.

 

hockey episode rerun on now

 

this probably deserves another thread.

but i dont really enjoy the current episodes of the simpsons, the new ones that is. ill watch one if i have nothing else to do, but the humor has really changed. i cant really put my finger on it, but i only enjoy the old reruns.

the family guy is alot more funny then current simpsons episodes.
current ones.