A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral.' She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world ....?' (you're gonna love this) The bank manager looks back at her and says... Spoiler 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.' (You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Blonde Joke With Two Answers: What's the difference between a Blonde and a Phone Booth? Spoiler Answer #1: It only costs a quarter to use a phone booth. Spoiler Answer #2: Only one person at a time can use a phone booth.
My favorite joke. It never gets old to the joke-teller: A frog walks into a bank. He goes up to the loan officer, whose name, Patti Whack, is on the placard in front of her. He says, "Hello Patti. My name is Kermit Jagger. My dad is Mick Jagger. I need a loan for $100,000." Patti responds, "Well, for that kind of loan, I need some collateral." Kermit reaches into his pocket and pulls out a porcelain elephant figurine and hands it to Patti. Patti says, "I don't know if I can take this. Let me talk to my manager." Patti calls for the manager, who comes out, sees Kermit (who he obviously knows) and shakes his hand. He looks at Patti, and asks what the problem is. Patti shows him the elephant and asks, "What's this?" The manager responds, Spoiler "It's a nicknack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, Catch up.
What are the two sexiest animals on the farm? Spoiler Brown Chicken - Brown Cow (said like 70's porno music) What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Spoiler DAM!!!
Don't all the funny comedians use racial comedy? Chris Rock's blacks and n-words put him on the map, no?
A few chauvinistic jokes: Why do women fake orgasms? Spoiler They think we care. What is 6" long, has a head on it and drives women crazy? Spoiler Money. Why did the woman cross the road? Spoiler Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway? What is the difference between a battery and a woman? Spoiler A battery has a positive side.
Yeah... I even asked these mo fo's to put SPOILER tags for NSFW stuff... but NooOoOOooooooo, they want to be smarty pants... it has taken a turn for the worst. I am hating myself for starting such nonsense. BigDogg, Q: A Mexican, a Hondurian, and a Salvadorian are all in a car. Who's driving? Spoiler A: The Border Patrol agent!
Trampoline: A sexual lubricant popular with sluts. Parakeet: A keet that takes care of you until the real keet arrives. So far, this is the oldest I've been. No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like. If someone says, "Have a nice weekend," I never say, "You too." Because I never know if, perhaps, by the time the weekend rolls around, I will have other plans for that person. Come Friday, I may wish to have them slain. ...god I love George Carlin.
For some reason, this one won some kind of international joke contest a couple years ago: Q: What's brown and sticky? Spoiler A stick.
I love those! Others: In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. The chance of a piece of toast falling buttered-side-down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. When something broken is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly. The other line always moves faster. Everything good in life is illegal, immoral, or fattening. If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. Celibacy is not hereditary. Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes to the bone. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. A Smith & Wesson beats four aces. ...and my all-time favorite: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Q.: What do you call 4 mexicans sinking in quick sand... Spoiler Cuatro Sinko... [/QUOTE] Yeah, I know, but that's all I got...
