Sounds something similar to me. We were (well technically still are) together for 4 years roughly... or rather, over a span of 4 years. Were together for 2 years, broke up, got together a year later and have been together for about 9 months now. She didn't cheat on me, but went on the rebound a few weeks later with some guy for about a week or two. Felt like years. How did she try and make it a living hell? As in, she tried to get you back? Maybe girls can't let go even if they are unhappy. My girlfriend made the initial movements to get us back after the break up.
Bro, if a girl has wandering eyes that's never a good sign. If she was 100% into you, she wouldn't even look at another dude. Honestly, I think you should move on, for now aleast. Don't be on stand by cause then you only become an option. Consider it done and start hanging out with other girls..
Do you think I should make it clear she stands to lose me? I want to make sure she knows I love her, but at the same time let her know she can't treat me like crap because of it. How can I bring this point across?
Honestly brother, move on......you seem like a nice guy, and there will be a girl out there that will appreciate you, and not put you on stand-by. Sounds like she is either too immature to be in a relationship or she is bi-polar......do you want to deal with that? Sometimes love just isnt enough you know? especially if she isnt giving the same result back.
just tell her...write a letter, old school style. You know, with a pen, paper, put it in a little envelope and top it off with a stamp. Say all that you need to say. Put it all out there in writing (not text) and let her know exactly what you have been telling us. You are making this more difficult than it is.
oh yeah...once you mail the letter. Move on like she is gone and start doing whats best for you. Don't count the days until she replies, or expect to see her ID on your phone every time it rings, etc. In fact, delete her number from your phone so you dont even have to look at it.
I've been writing that letter this week... Just trying to get some tips from this thread as to how to express my feelings. Good advice for any relationship. Lets you vent to yourself and sometimes the feelings are transferred to the paper and they stop haunting you.
Also, I know I might be making it more difficult for myself. I guess it's pretty hard after 4 years to move on in a week. But I know that I need to do something...
I think you should take your own advice as well. You should try to move on from your ex which I assume is extremely difficult but I do not know how that feels. Anyways, you owe it to yourself and your new girlfriend to be treated with respect and your ex obviously did not do that. Your new girl sounds like she treats you with respect and you need to do the same. Make sure to look at what you have rather than what you don't have. Hopefully you are not a self-destructive person who gets attached to people who have caused you pain and heartache. Good luck to both you guys and just remember that time heals all so be patient.
Thanks alot for this post. It is very tough to get over someone, but I have all the right pieces in place now that I see it being impossible that I wont.....support is what you must have from friends/family/loved ones.....if you become a hermit then there is no way to recover.
been there done that... after a 6 year went south. actually nothing bad happened, just ran its course.
Life is tough, we all know it. Sometimes when you fell your world is crushing around at least for me save is to pray to God. It doesn't matter if you are Catholic, Muslim , Jew or something else. Faith in God just fulfills you, makes you happy. We're all going to die, sooner or later.
i lost a close cousin this past summer. he died in a car crash and it hit me pretty hard. i know it isn't as bad as losing a parent, or in this case, parents, but after a day of grieving i though to myself, "We are all going to die, why cry?" i just dealt with it and decided that there was nothing that i could do about it. just deal with it.
Hey guys, just as an update to the story. She broke up with me a week ago, haven't seen her since. She said we were not compatible because we are on different timelines for our wants in life, and that we do not do the things naturally that make the other happy. The only time she seemed to get truly emotional was when she said I made her feel like crap for wanting to marry me so soon after getting back together (I felt we should take a careful approach and work on our issues first), that she was tired of waiting for me to propose (heck, I was planning on doing it this summer or before!), etc. I think she might just be trying to shift blame so that she does not feel as guilty about things. Anyway, finding VERY hard to move on. Some days are okay, feel like I can take it. Others are just constant physical pain and torture. I just need to wait I guess...
I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone so long and have them suddenly leave you. The pain will dull, but not soon. Time is the only medicine, and it takes very long to start working. My advice at this juncture is to occupy yourself. Focus on you. Improve aspects of your life. Do things you've always wanted to do. Work on what you can improve upon yourself so if you find somebody new you won't make the same errors, maybe you need to be more assertive, maybe you aren't looking for commitment. One day you just might realize you're over her and she no longer has a hold on your feelings, and you might just be happier than you've been in a long time.
Breakups do suck, but this girl is simply trouble. Bail her and don't look back. If she tries to reconnect, don't respond. Just let her go. You gave her a second chance already. Believe me. In a year or less, you'll look back at the relationship and wonder what the hell you were thinking in regards to your current emotions. I know it's cliche, but time does indeed heal all wounds, and the quicker YOU let her go emotionally, the quicker you will move on.
I loved so many, I've lost so many. These have hurt the most : I still can't get over them. I miss them so much.
I agree. She really sounds like trouble, sorry Ace. I agree that it seems like she was shifting blame. You don't leave someone because he doesn't want to get married yet. Try and do fun stuf with friends, and try to forget her.
thanks Fatty. You seem to have had your fair share of crazy chicks, so I think you are right. She is just a bit too much and that won't change, right (this is actually a question as well)? It's hard because of all the good things about her and everything that was great that we shared, but I have to let go. I keep thinking of the good sides of her personality, and almost blaming myself for the bad ones. One hard thing is the fact that time goes on, not just for me but for her also. I think if she meets anyone where it actually works out I'm going to be one bitter son of a b*tch.
That's why you need to cut off all ties. If you have mutual friends and they bring her up, tell them you aren't interested in hearing it. Again, This is as much about YOU cutting her off, also. Believe me, it will feel self-invigorating when you decide that you have let her go, and not vice-versa. I remember my friends occasionally bringing up my ex, and they were shocked to find that I had deleted her number and never called her back again. But believe me, when I decided it was over, the healing process moved along much more quickly than it did in previous relationships where I held on to some r****ded emotions that you later find out weren't really there in the first place. Her loss.
