Manny, take this advice. 1. Leave the email subject alone. You sound stupid and somewhat crazy just bringing it up. 2. Just go over to her and ask her to lunch again. 3. After the lunch date when you kids get back to work, just tell her you'll talk to her later. 4. Then sometime later that day or week, just ask her out. Be a man for god's sake!! All she can do is say no.
see what happened is she was so freaked out over your e mail she messed up her own computer and then ****ed up all the phone lines.
I realized in my first post in this thread that I didn't mention this fact about her: She has a 7 or 8 year old son, but as far as I know, she has never been married. When I was with her this past Wednesday, I asked about her family but I didn't mention the kid...I figured that if she was comfortable talking about it, she would tell me. It wasn't until Friday night that I started thinking that she might have felt that I did what I did because I found out about her kid between 6:30 to 9:15 Thursday night. She probably thinks that I'm having 2nd thoughts about possibly getting involved with a single mom. However, it does not bother me, at least not yet. After doing a lot of contemplating, I have learned a couple of things that I must do: 1) Tell the truth. Explaining to her that asking for her number in person is what I should have done instead of email is an essential. A woman from my church told me today that a lot of men have this attitude, that if I f*** up, I just won't mention it. Considering the circumstances, I feel that I have to explain myself and do that in person. I feel that it will only help improve my chances of getting another date with her. 2) Don't be so "available". I had planned on asking her to lunch after explaining myself, but I feel that if she does not give me her number after my explanation, it would be better for me to back off and not to appear as being desperate and needy. This trait about women is always one that I have a tough time with, but I feel that my chances of having a relationship with this woman would work better if I appeared busy or not so available. So, I will see her tomorrow. I will break the ice by asking her about what she did on Saturday - she went to a Predators hockey game. After talking about that, I will just ask her if she got an email from me Thursday night. Depending on what she says, I'll tell her that I felt it would be better to ask for it in person than by email and that I tried to bring the email back before she read it (I'll mention that last part if she brings up my retracting it). Then, I'll have to see what she says. I think that she will be understanding and not mad, but she may not give me her number. If she doesn't, then I'll be nice and tell her that I have to go but I'll talk to her later. If she is truly interested in me, then she'll either give me her number after my explanation or she'll come around in a couple of days. Either way, the ball will be in her court. It's going to suck, though, to act like I'm not interested in doing something with her, assuming that she won't tell me her number. Hopefully, she will give me her number. But if not, then I'll have to take a chance that she will still be available in a couple of weeks (which I think she will) and try again if I don't hear from her. Keep your fingers crossed and for those who are interested, I'll tell you how it goes tomorrow. BTW - She does not lurk here. She doesn't even have a clue about this site.
why is courtship such a big mind game now? why cant people just lay down their cards and see what happens? dont be scared.
Manny, trust me here. Lately I have had fantasitic luck with the ladies. First, don't ask so many damn questions, especially about what she did in her time or whether she got that stupid email. If you want to ask how her weekend was, fine, that is good because it expresses interest in her, but not specifically what she actually did. If she wants to share that info with you, she will. Also, definitely, 100%, without a single doubt in my mind, DO NOT ASK HER ABOUT THE EMAIL YOU SENT HER!!!! If she wants to talk about it, she will. Otherwise, just forget it and be an adult and ask her out or for her digits yourself, rather than over an electronic communication device. You will be much better off just asking her personally for her number or better yet, just ask her out and let her give you the number. If she can't give you a definite YES about going out, then bring up the idea of just calling her SOMETIME. Trust me on this one.
<b>Manny</b>: "...it would be better for me to back off and not to appear as being desperate and needy." <b>RR</b>: Drop the "appear" part. Isn't one of the cornerstornes of the dating game that the guy act like he's not interested so that she gets to do her part about attracting you? Strike up friendships with other women and, of course. let her see you at it! Remain cordial, of course. Soon enough you'll be invited for Sunday brunch.
This is the best advice you can get Manny! thats how I hooked my wife, except I told of my birlliance in Double Dribble Kelly Funny post man
Okay, sorry to take so long to report back, but things have been crazy at work and I have night classes as well. I was able to talk to her in person a little after 8:30 in the morning. Fortunately, she was in her cubicle, and not on the phone or having someone in there. I had already decided that regardless of who was around that I was going to talk to this woman. I got her attention and broke the ice by asking her if she went to the Predators hockey game Saturday night. She said that she did and that she went with several people and that they had a good time. I then told her that I had to work all day Saturday (which of course sucked). I, then quickly (I know that RocketsPimp is not going to like this) brought up the email. I just said, "Did you get an email from me Thursday night?" She said yes and that she got a message saying I wanted to retract it. I explained to her that I thought it was inappropriate to ask for her number by email and that it was better to ask in person. She told me not to worry about it and that it was no big deal. However, she never went on to tell me what her number is. After waiting to see if she would tell me & realizing that she wasn't going to say anything more about it, I quickly changed the subject back to work-related & I did not ask her to go to lunch with me or to go out with me . I figured that she knows that I'm interested. I took the time to come over and explain in person a mistake that I made. The ball is in her court. Unfortunately, I must play the waiting game. She did come by later that afternoon to look for this other guy who sits next to me, but he had already left. However, she started talking to me & this conversation was very casual and comfortable. She then left and told me that she will see me tomorrow. I said OK but I sorta took that with a grain of salt. I get this feeling that she is probably not really ready for a dating type of relationship...the only thing that she feels comfortable with is a friendship. I want to definitely be her friend, but at the same time, I don't want to become "a super good friend". I think that since she is an older woman who has a child that a lot of guys are going to be scared off. I thought later that she might still feel uncomfortable about giving me her number because she will think that I'll find out about her kid. So, as hard as it will be for me, I will wait and see if she initiates the next lunch date or whatever. I guess if she doesn't do this in this week then I'll try to see if I can get her to go to lunch with me next week. That is where it stands. Once again, I would appreciate any advice of what to do from here on out.
it sounds to me like you handled this situation in a productive way. girls like confidence, and it showed confidence on your part to confront the issue and just tell the truth about it. the fact that she brought up the e-mail retraction says to me that she was at least curious about it. if it had done nothing but freak her out and make her think you were a psycho, I doubt she'd have brought it up. now comes the hard part. . . wait. the single-most productive thing you can do is let her come to you. if she doesn't come to you, she may not be interested. but that's a bridge or two down the road. I know it's hard. . . at times, it doesn't seem there is anything harder to do in the world than to just wait and not do anything when you're interested in a girl. however, it is usually the right thing to do. do whatever you have to do. find a calendar, and pick the day when it will be acceptable for you to initiate again [a la mikey in swingers; that actually has worked for me in helping me to not call. . . I guess it helps me to visualize and focus on the concrete goal rather than just obsessing over "why can't I call?"]. do whatever you have to do; just don't go talk to her, and don't call her or e-mail her. she knows you're interested. if she is at all interested, she will find you. by drawing back, you might trigger her "what did I do wrong?" button, and then she'll be the one who has to try to "make things right" the way you've been worrying the past few days that you would have to. another way of looking at this is that you just need to be prepared to move on. you may not have to move on, and I hope you don't. but you may have to, so it's in your best interest to at least be prepared to do so. anyways, this is all just a long way of saying: wait. do whatever you have to. . . just wait. thus saith the Chiev.
Thanks, chievous. I appreciate your post. You definitely hit the nail on the head. I am going to rent "Swingers" and watch it this weekend. What I really need to know is this woman's past dating history. I got to thinking that she might feel that she doesn't need a man since she is a single mother. Having her kid may have scarred her for life. Heck, she might have been raped and that is what caused her to have a child. There are just so many things that I don't know. One good thing, I feel, is that she has not flat out told me that she wasn't interested. She has left things somewhat ambiguous. I think right now that there are 3 things that could possibly be going through her head: 1) She is waiting on me for the next move & doesn't realize that I'm expecting to hear back from her. In other words, she is definitely interested in me. 2) She is not ready right now for a "dating" relationship. The timing is not there. She probably still likes me, but wants to wait before trying something like that. 3) She has already decided that the 2 of us are not compatible & no matter what happens from here on out, we will always be friends and nothing greater than that. Personally, I don't think it is #3 simply because we had so much of the same interests and were able to talk about things so easily. I believe that it is more likely to be #2. However, I am still playing the waiting game.
"Watson, the chase is afoot..." Nothing makes a man cherish his woman more than having to work for/ fight for her. If the milk comes too easily, why would you ever buy the cow? (Have you ever seen a funbag on a cow?)
From my perspective I couldn't disagree more. Women who believe this tend to be alone and women/men who propogate this are misguiding their friends IMO. -my 2C anyway. Manny, I think you need to chill. A one time flub up is no big deal, but she may just want check that you are not obsessive or insecure about her. Be cool but not entirely distant (don't be cold or unfriendly). Another lunch date and/or starting out as friends is probably the best route IMO. This woman has every reason to be extra careful and trying to avoid games.
