Girl problems

I think she's just using you so she can be seen with someone lower than her and you're just making her confident (kind of like that girl from "American Beauty"). Don't worry though there's lots of girls out there.

 

I've been in this exact situation before. I had a girl and we had known each other for 5 years and did everything together and we seemed so compatible so I decided to ask her about being more than friends. She said that she didn't think it was a good idea because if we got into a relationship and something went terribly wrong or it ended up being a great mistake that it could damage our friendship. Well we decided to give it a shot anyway and we went out for around 10 months and what do you know it didn't work out and I haven't talked to her in 2 years. I really wish I wouldn't have made that mistake because she was really a good friend and I do miss her at times but now we are friends no more. So maybe this girl is trying to avoid the same fate that me and my ex-friend had.

 

Dude, take the 'Pimps advice and first of all, don't listen to these fools....except for the DiSeAsEd MoNkEy. She seems like a wild one...probably a Leo. Leo's usually give good advice, just don't date 'em!!



Anyway, if you two haven't ever hooked up and you are "super good friends", keep it that way. Talk about whatever you want to talk about, but keep your feelings for her out of it. Talk about the things other 14 year olds talk about. Trust me, you'll have plenty of time to do the relationship gig later, possibly even with her. You might even realize somewhere down the line that she is a great friend, yet you aren't as interested in her as you thought you were.

Basically, keep the communication lines open, don't rule anything out and don't pressure your friend. She'll always be your friend as long as you stay cool about your relationship and you just might get what you want in the end.

 

Whatever her reasons, she's trying to signal to you that she doesn't like you like that in a way that isn't as direct as enumerating your every flaw. She ignores you as a way to 'push back' (I.E. rather than drawning closer as you want, she's pushing away). You're most likely not gonna change anything in the forseable future, and the more you ignore her clues the more strained your relationship will become. Either be 'friends' on her terms or terminate the relationsip. Those are your only two options that don't involve injunctions and court ordered psychiatric sessions.

Her reasons, btw, may have nothing to do with you. Some women are 'collectors': they're so unsure of their 'worth' on the mating scale that they attempt to attract as many quality potential sutors to themselfves without having to commit. Who knows, maybe she bats from both sides of the plate. It doesn't make a difference. It's not gonna happen.

 

leo? so close, but no cigar. cancer baby!!

 

Just curious, is her friendship more important to you than a relationship? The way I see it, you kinda have two choices at this point:

1. You just decide to forget about pursing a relationship and stay friends. This frees you up from that feeling and you can date other girls while keeping your friend.

2. You tell her straight up that you can't be "just super good friends." You feel the need to be closer than that and if she will never be interested, you need to move on.

Either way is difficult because it means potentially facing the reality that she just doesn't like you in that way, but it also places the decision AND the freedom (a big key) on you. By staying as it is, you are doing nothing but concerning yourself to the degree that you have to seek the advice of a bunch of basketball-loving geeks.

Free yourself from the problem by dating other girls (or at least trying) or breaking off your friendship. But, be prepared if you do date others that she will too and that might suck to see. Better to be in control of your own situation than to pine away for something that may never happen and miss out on what else might be out there.

<i>My wife told me a little secret about women and this is a big deal so pay attention...</i>

If you are going to date and stay friends, there is much better than 50/50 chance that she will begin to change her mind. Why? She will start to see you differently.

If you are always around and always available, it is like a known entity. She doesn't feel any of the pressure of having to do anything. Women are like that (and so are men but that's a different thread). However, DO NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) date just to make her jealous. It won't work.

You have to be sincere in your desire to date other women for two reasons:

1. She may really NOT want to date you and trying to date other girls will just be a disappointment to you.

2. If she doesn't believe your serious, it won't work.

Another biggie is that you will be using someone and that is REALLY cold. I had it done to me in high school and I still carry that bit of piss and vinegar with me because of the way I was treated. (I should really let that go. ).

Anyway, there ya' go. Thank Mrs. JB for that last part.

 

Too bad you are soo young....drinking always seemed to solve these types of situations....

 

Azadre,

I might can help you out here. The girl I've been dating for a couple of months now had been one of my best friends for over a year. Let me tell you, it's a tough spot. Asking her out on a date was one of the toughest things I had to do, because of what I had to lose. You'd think it would be easier since you know her so well, but that unfortunately isn't the case. People always say the worst that can happen is she says no, but there's obviously much more at stake here.

I think, at some point, you're going to need to talk to her about it. You never know when she might get a boyfriend, or move out of town, or something like that. Don't leave yourself open to any major regrets. However, the best thing you can do is share her interests. Find some extracurricular activity that she does at school, or in the community. The biggest myth I've ever heard is attraction is instant. Follow her around, do the things that she likes to do. Overall, do things that make you unique from other guys. Do that for a couple of weeks, and then try and talk to her about a relationship. Make sure you wait at least a couple of weeks; if you go out and do it a day or two later, you won't look sincere. Also, if the girl does go out with you, somehow let her know after a couple of dates that you joined the activity so that you could see her more, especially if it's an activity that requires some work. In my case, and in most, you'll definitely get some points for being sweet.

Anyway, if you think she's special, don't leave yourself wondering five years later what might have been. Ease into it, become even closer friends (share her interests), and then see what happens. If you're not either very handsome or charming, don't surprise her one day by just calling her on the phone and telling her. If you aren't adept at either of those two things, you've got to show her that you're unique, and that takes time. Don't mention anything about it for a couple of weeks, and see if you can get closer to her as a friend. Then, see what happens.

 

With all due respect to ya' Cat, that is really not good advice at all. Here's why...

This is more creepy than flattering. Plus, you are giving up every ounce of your equality in the relationship. Do you think that rock stars, politicians and other people in power get women because they go out of their way to do what a woman wants? They get women because women find them interesting because of THEIR interests.

Also, this is deceptive because if you aren't interested in what she does you will resent the fact that she will want to dominate your time with all her interests if and when you are in a relationship.

Doing what SHE wants isn't unique. There are plenty of guys that will bend over backwards to do anything and everything a girl wants just to have them as a girlfriend. Being unique means being yourself.

Honestly, it IS insincere because you aren't doing it out of caring. You are doing it with an ulterior motive.

Cat, you got lucky. Most women would see this as not only a little creepy but kind of insulting. Basically, you are saying that you aren't really that interested in the things she is, but you'll do stuff you hate just to impress her. This may work in RARE circumstances, particularly with women or girls who don't have much confidence in themselves, but you'll find it creates more problems down the road.

Other than that, I agree that you have to be yourself and be honest. Plus, I do agree that you should leave it all on the floor to use a basketball metaphor. Better to regret what you did than what you didn't.

 

Doing what SHE wants isn't unique. There are plenty of guys that will bend over backwards to do anything and everything a girl wants just to have them as a girlfriend. Being unique means being yourself.

I guess things are different in Houston than Beaumont, cause it's sure not that way here. The one complaint most girls I talk to have with their boyfriends is that they don't like to spend time doing their interests. The majority of guys, especially around 15 years old, try to use lines, charm, etc. But I haven't seen many that will share in the girls' interests.

This is more creepy than flattering. Plus, you are giving up every ounce of your equality in the relationship. Do you think that rock stars, politicians and other people in power get women because they go out of their way to do what a woman wants? They get women because women find them interesting because of THEIR interests.

Unfortunately, not all of us are in that category. For an average guy that a woman somewhat ignores, which is what the original post implies, you have to appeal to their interests. I agree that you need to be interesting in your own right. However, for her to notice that, you really need to spend more time with her. After you establish some form of attraction, then I think you need to be yourself. Remember, in azadre's position, he is the one that likes her, not the other way around. As I said above, most of the girls my age (that I know) would love it if their boyfriends went with them to club meetings, activities, etc. Many high school guys are interested in going with a girl to the movies, making out, and having sex. They either do things that a) both of them enjoy, or b) he takes her somewhere that he likes but she couldn't care less. Very few guys, at this age, are mature enough to do all 3, and also go to somewhere she likes that you really don't care for. From my experience, that does make you unique.

Honestly, it IS insincere because you aren't doing it out of caring. You are doing it with an ulterior motive.

Not necessarily. Compromise has to be a part of every relationship. Very few relationships that I've seen last long when the two people don't at least share some interests in common. You could look at it as you said, but there's another side to that coin.

Cat, you got lucky. Most women would see this as not only a little creepy but kind of insulting. Basically, you are saying that you aren't really that interested in the things she is, but you'll do stuff you hate just to impress her. This may work in RARE circumstances, particularly with women or girls who don't have much confidence in themselves, but you'll find it creates more problems down the road.

Again, two sides to that story. I'm not saying tell her you hate doing it. Learn to like it. Show her that you can learn to like some of the things she does. Very few guys that age are mature enough to do so, and down the road you have to learn this. Imagine if you get married, live in Houston, and she gets the job opportunity of a lifetime in Dallas. It's so good that she can't turn it down. You don't like Dallas. But you move there anyway, because she is regardless, and it's either do that or lose the relationship. How does this relate to HS? Well, most girls don't think that far ahead, but a fairly intelligent girl does look at the commitment from a guy when deciding if they want to date them exclusively. Long-distance relationships rarely work. You have to spend time with the other person. What if she has to work after school, and doesn't have much free time? What if she wants totally different classes than you? Very few people at 14-15 years old have the maturity to learn to spend time with their girlfriend if it's doing something they originally aren't fond of. If you start to share her interests, it's going to show your flexibility and willingness to compromise. Sometimes, to make a relationship work, you have to learn to like something your partner does so that you can spend adequate time together. Doing such a thing at a young age sets you apart from almost all of your peers.

 

Hmm, I was kind of in a situation like that...If you don't see it happening, don't go for it, especially if you want to remain friends.

The girl I liked and I are still good friends, but not nearly as close. At times, it can even be akward to be around her.

 

From what everyone is saying, you've got about a 15% chance of getting her into a girlfriend/boyfriend type relationship - and probably about a 5% chance of having that relationship succeed - although how you would define success is beyond me.

You've got some great advantages if you keep her as a friend though:

1. Girls like to hook their friends up. It could be a friend or a friend of a friend, but if you come recommended, you've got a lot better shot than just meeting someone at random.[/list=1]
   • Spending all that time with her is increasing your socialization skills - this will help you a lot throughout high school and and even into college - where you'll have a head start on communicating with women.[/list=2]
     • Being seen around girls all the time, rather than by yourself or just hanging with a bunch of guys makes you look more attractive - not to mention much more visible.[/list=3]
       • If she continues to be a super good friend, she'll get you the inside scoop on what other girls think about you, what you should change about yourself, and how girls think. It'll be frustrating sometimes, particularly if she tells you personal info - but it'll be worth it.[/list=4]
         
         All of this advice should be tempered by one thing: you need to find out if she's keeping you as an emergency boyfriend. You know - just keeping you around in case nothing better shows up. Test this by seeing if she'll help you out with #1. If she gets catty or jealous, either she has feelings for you and this may bring them to the surface, or she's just playing games.
         
         Good luck!

 

diamonds dude, BIG diamonds.

 

Get her flowers or a flower like a single red rose. If she still doesn't want to date you after doing that, then I would say that she never will want to date you. Besides, flowers are a lot cheaper than diamonds..

 

Get her a yellow rose.. they stand for friendship.

As far as your problem, GET HER DRUNK!!!! j/k, just act like yourself, if she doesn't want to be more than friends then move on!

 

okay im being serious this time....

a couple of weeks ago i went to one of my best friend's little sister's 15th birthday party and i got her a mr. potato head...
she loved it so im guessing thats what little girls are into now-a-days. =)

 

whatever you do, Azadre, count the cost.

first off, I have a theory about girls. . . if they are inclined to like you, it won't matter how you play it. it will be "right" because they want to like you. and conversely, if they are not inclined to like you, nothing you can do, no way you "play it"will be "right".

now, you may not agree with that theory, but that's okay. just know that my advice comes filtered through that theory.

if you do try to do something to "make" her like you or get her to date you, know that you might lose something. you need to know whether you're prepared to lose her friendship if you press the dating thing. yes, you might gain something more. but just know the risk.

if your heart is bursting, and you've got to do what you've got to do, then I think your best option is to always be honest. even at 15.

one thing that seems to be a universally accepted fact is that girls dig on some confidence. but not fake confidence. real confidence.

with that in mind, confidently tell your friend the truth. you like her. you're attracted to her. you have no reason to be ashamed about that. tell it to her as though it's just a simple matter of fact. that is all. I don't think you need to try to sell her on you. just let her know that you like who she is.

a lot of guys try to put on the romantic overkill, and I think this is too overwhelming for many girls. what success I've had, I've had when I've just kind of told a girl that I was interested in her, no big whoop. they're kind of left standing there like, did he really just say that? when said right, it can make you look like the confident male that a lot of girls want.

if that's not enough, I don't believe that anything will be enough. at least not Right Now. time can change everything, including the way you feel about her.

examine why you like this girl. figure out how much she's worth to you. sack up and say the truth. if it doesn't work out, try to still be her friend unless it just hurts too much.

in the end, when you tell the truth, even if you don't get what you want, you keep your integrity in tact, you have respected her, and you may even win more of her respect.

good luck, my young brother.

 

I could heve written this post back in when I was in high school. What a trip.

That is, if I could find a BBS in the pre-internet days of Commodore 64ing through the BBS's on a 300 baud modem!

Dude, I was the perennial "friend" of all of the hot chicks. Every once in a while I'd get lucky or I'd get a girlfriend for a while but I was more often that not "really super friends" with the chicks in whose pants I wanted to delve. But it actually all worked out for the best. throughoput those important formative years my friendships with these girls really helped me in college. Whether it was sweet talking them into a one night stand or setting up the steady friday night romp I really knew how to favorably interact with women. I just read that and I sound like a pig. Let me rephrase.

Because of the frustrations I felt by just being friends with the girls in high school I honed my dating skills and ultimately concentrated all of my efforts on one chick. And she was WAY out of my league.

We have now been incredibly happily married for eight years.

Is there a nugget of advice in this post? I'm not sure. But if there is it is thus: It may seem crappy right now but you are learning something every step of the way. It's hard to realize what you are learning until you have the ability to look back. Don't be hard on yourself and don't fixate on this chick.