This is a long rant about films that you hate despite glowing reviews. The most recent example of this for me is "Magnolia." I really enjoyed Paul Thomas Anderson's "Boogie Nights" (even if it was a bit simplistic and ripped off Scorsese too readily) and I especially looked forward to seeing this follow-up after reading a lot of good reviews. Because of the good reviews and the caliber of the cast I rented the film the other day. I wanted to like this movie. I enjoyed the first 1/4 movie (I think this was the initial 22 hours of the film)..then I had to endure what could only compare to the Bataan Death March of movies. *****Film Spoilers Below****** First, I have decided that Paul Thomas Anderson is a hack. Let's say this together, slowly..H-A-C-K. Let's not even get started on the shameless Scorsese and Altman rip-offs...even Quentin Tartantino does not leave such blatant evidence of theft all over his films. His direction is constantly saying "look at me" even when it is showing mundane matters...do we need the racing camera movement to show a character simply sitting down in a chair? This extended to the musical score of "Magnolia"..the music was in the film constantly..would indicate that something was going to happen..and then..someone would be on hold on the phone on the screen. How ****ing innovative. Look, I liked "Goodfellas," too, but if I were making a my third film in a row that copped all of Scorsese's techniques (his most obvious ones, that is) I would at least have the decency not to have the cinematography have the *exact* same autumnal look as the film I have been plundering so blatantly. The screenplay is the worst aspect of this film. Never has such an infantile message been contained in such a pretentious framework. The movie did not contain one believable character...they existed only so they could exist as one of Anderson's pretentious, yet simplistic themes. Anderson did not only have simplistic themes, he would announce them to the audience...from game show answers sung in French (oh, God, that was sad) to characters literally announcing the role they would serve for the overall theme of the film. Did John C. Reily's character really need to repeatedly refer to himself as "the good cop" and "the happy cop" to let the audience know that this was his theme? **** no! Anderson my as well have him wear a name tag that says "the emotional caregiver role in contrast to the bad father's featured in the film role." Another thing, must Tennessee Williams be in the same bar commenting drolly while the elder Quiz show loser made his big gay love confession? This is not chance, it's called the rough draft. And, please, the child-molesting game show host of a kiddie show named "Jimmy Gator?" How about the screen title showing" "Magnolia..a film written and directed by Pretentious Talentless A$$****?" This information is just as obvious to anyone who saw "Magnolia" as "P.T." Anderson's precious (and specious) themes. Anderson is called an "actor's director" because he makes them do all the work. I haven't seen a film where more people went off such inexplicable rants since "Talk Radio." Julia Moore's character was non-existent. I think half of the reason she was in the movie was so Anderson could have her say she "sucked other men's cocks" in the totally unbelievable confession to the family lawyer. And, really, if you are going to have drugs and drug despair featured so prominently in your film, shouldn't you know how they work. If Moore's character was really drinking morphine and on prozac she would be physically inescapable, forget emotionally, or logically capable of her big hissy fits in the movie. Conversely, people who are doing as much blow as Daughter Gator was in the film don't go on dates with anybody..much less cops, good, or happy as they may be. What big ****ing connection was there in those stilted, boring scenes? The whole movie was overwrought to the point of absurdity. Tom Cruise's character is ****ing r****ded. Even if you accept Anderson's lame-ass premise (be nicer to me, Daddy), the power-of-the-**** dialogue was more Anderson's "look at me" style than some kind of outgrowth of the Bad Daddy Syndrome in Cruise's character. Incidentally, no movie should receive great reviews if Cruise's hack acting is featured prominently...grimacing and straining your neck is not acting, it's either proof of lifting something heavy, or taking a heavy dump. "Magnolia" was a lot like the latter, in this case, on the viewer.
Titanic - I was glad it sank! Jerry McGuire - I freakin' HATED this movie. I just found it so shallow and annoying. Pulp Fiction - I just didn't get it, but I don't like Quentin Tarentino at all anyway. (Sorry, RM95 ) Godfather - I just didn't get the sweeping mob drama though the performances were great <i>Mr. Peterman: Elaine, you don't like the English Patient? Elaine: I HATE IT!!! Movie Patron: Shhhhhh. Elaine: Aw, GO TO HELL!!!</i>
"If Moore's character was really drinking morphine and on prozac she would be physically inescapable, forget emotionally, or logically capable of her big hissy fits in the movie." she wasnt. she was picking up the drugs from the pharmacist for her dying husband. DIATRIBE
I'll make it hard and mention only Oscar winners All-time: Gone With The Wind Recent: Hell, let's start with the last 3 before Gladiator (which I don't count because did anyone really overrate it) <ul><li>American Beauty ... Ice Storm rip-off with a pedophile-satiating tit scene and a gimmic ending. Mena makes me melt, but as a 21 yr old w.o.m.a.n., not a kid. <li>Shakespeare in Love ... Gwenyth makes me melt, but as a w.o.m.a.n not a man! <li>Titanic ... Kate Winslett makes me melt, but so does Gwenyth and Mena. Big deal.</ul> OK, I'm just a pervert who Isabel will bash for admitting to staring at waifs. <font size=1>(actually, I like big butts, but we rarely see them in Oscar winners, so what is a guy to do?)</font>
Ok, at least I'm not alone in disliking these two movies: Pulp Fiction American Beauty These are probably the two worst films I have ever seen.
Im probably going to get **** for this, but I really didnt like: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I mean the special effects were cool and all, but the story sucked hard.... It just didnt grab me as a "great" movie...
I agree with Drewdog. There are better Kung Fu movies, and they dub them into English. Titanic also sucked big time. How could such a crappy movie cost so much money? I would like to add, Goodfellas, the English Patient, and the Sound of Music.
Pearl Harbor -- Now that movie sucked. Copy of titanic love story, the effects were good but how ****en long does the war have to be? How many of you feel asleep during that bull****?
I agree with everything here except American Beauty, Goodfellas, and the Godfather. Come on now Jeff!
office space, i dont remember laughing once. When i finished watching it, i was puzzled at what all the fuss was about.
office space was funny. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hated pulp fiction and almost famous. But, that plane scene on the latter wasw hilarious.
nutcracker...do you have a job...? I think you have to commute an hour in bumper to bumper traffic and spend eight hours in a 6 by 6 cubicle to get this one.
Geez ... Office Space? Thats going down in history as a classic. Im with Jeff, Godfather is way overrated. Its an ok flick, just too slow for me. IMO, Sopranos paints a much better picture than Godfather. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon was pretty lame. Pulp Fiction was great.
You guys all blow goats!!! OfficeSpace not funny? I kinda agree, the first time I watched it I was kinda dissapointed but after you watch it 5-10 times it gets really funny. I love it now. Kinda like Big Daddy. Sucked at the theatre but is very funny now. Gone With The Wind - have to watch it 20-25 times to like it. It is ok now, it grows on you. Pulp Fiction/GodFather - Badass movies, you don't like these, you ain't American. American Beauty/Almost Famous - not that bad, I actually liked them both. Probably a B+ rating to me. Maybe an A- for American Beauty. Pearl Harbor - B- movie at best, fight scenes were good, too much sappy crap to be a Saving Private Ryan. They should have focused on that type of movie more. Mo Action less Lovin. Magnolia - Man that movie blows. I felt like I was being sodomized during that movie. Titanic - cool special effects, rest was sucky... C- I thought Dirty Dancing, You've got Mail, and Eyes Wide Shut sucked hard. Never saw Crouching Crotch or Finding Forrester and probably won't see Vanilla Sky due to the feeling of suckiness that they emit.
Is it just me, or does anyone else feel that if I didn't like a movie the first time, I see no reason to watch it another 10-20 times to see if it "grows on me" ?
You have to give "The Classics" a second/third/twentieth chance. When I was at my parents house they use to always watch that movie, so that's how it "grows on you". Like John Wayne movies. And then sometimes it is 3am in the morning and you don't have anything else to do.
I also agree that Crouching Tiger was not great. The special effects were pretty cool, but anyone who has ever seen one of those late 60's, early 70's Chinese kung fu movies, you realize where Crouching Tiger got all its info from. To me, it was like a big budget version of The Five Deadly Venoms or Shaolin Temple Master. And since there are probably only 150 Americans who aren't geeks or martial arts nuts who saw those, Tiger seemed oh so new and brave to the cinematic community. If Shaolin had the cinematographer budget that Tiger did, it would already be a classic. As for Godfather and Pulp Fiction, I just didn't get either one of them. I thought that much of the acting in the Godfather was terrific, but I just don't give a crap about the mafia. Don't care about the Sopranos either. I don't get the fascination with the mob. By the way, how exactly is it un-American to not care about a bunch of Italian immigrant thugs? Pulp Fiction was another one but I can't stand Quentin Tarentino. I just hate that guy, so this one wasn't really going to do it for me. I liked American Beauty. I had an aversion to it at first because I find Kevin Spacey annoying but it was really a great film. And, not everyone likes Gone with the Wind, but I dunno, I can't help it. It's like getting sucked into It's a Wonderful Life. I don't know if Office Space should qualify as a movie "everyone liked" because it wasn't exactly a box office smash and I didn't see it on any critics top 1000 lists. It was funny, though.
