Wal-Mart and SAM'S are the best -- if there were Wal-Marts in Afghanistan, there would be no war or hatred . . .
Id you get that off of Sports Hollywood's newsletter? Sports Hollywood is a newsletter of funny jokes about current sports events. Here's one of the funniest Sports Hollywood newsletters. It's from November 27th: SportsHollywood.com Newsletter LATE EDITION "The goal for this team now is to go 6-10." -Detroit Lions coach Marty Mornhinweg after his team fell to 0-10 with a Thanksgiving loss to the Green Bay Packers. STARTING LINE Tiznow, who became the first two-time winner of the Breeders' Cup Classic and 2000 Horse of the Year, is being retired to stud... ... Y'know, if we gave our Olympic runners the same opportunity, they'd win every race... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HOLLYWOOD SPORTS Madonna has confessed a love for traditional English bloodsports and country pursuits. In an interview with BBC Radio One, Madonna said some of her happiest moments were when pheasant shooting... ... That's the last time Guy Ritchie asks for a certain sexual favor in bed... "I eat birds," she said. "You have more of a respect for the things you eat when you go through or see the process of killing them''... ... You don't think it's more respectful to actually let them live...? MLB "I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player." -John Kruk By an 8-1 vote, the San Diego City Council approved permanent financing and bond issuance of over $200 million for the downtown ballpark and redevelopment project that was endorsed by citizens more than three years ago. Suspended for nearly 14 months, construction is expected to resume before Christmas and should be completed by Opening Day 2004... ... Just about the time the team moves to Washington, D.C. ... NBA "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban recently complained that Los Angeles Lakers center Shaquille O'Neal violates the rules when he shoots free throws, stepping over the line before the ball hits the basket. Cuban said O'Neal "still shoots free throws line a 10-year-old - he's got to step over the line to get it there"... ... Nice strategy - complain about how he shoots the only shot that he's sure to MISS... NFL Announcement: The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS. ... Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string -- Thanks Cassie BICYCLING Get e bicycle. You will certainly not regret it, if you live. -Mark Twain Three-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong's wife Kristin has given birth to twin girls - 5-pound, 12-ounce Isabelle Rose Armstrong and 5-pound, 2-ounce Grace Elizabeth Armstrong... ... At least now there's two of SOMETHING in the Armstrong house... THIS WEEK IN SPORTS HISTORY In 1999, the NFL banned the new fad among NFL players - the slashing, hand-across-the-throat gesture used to taunt an opponent or celebrate a big play... ... They prefer their hitting, tackling, bone breaking and bleeding without any violent connotations... PENALTY BOX Former Dodgers pitcher Carlos Perez has been named in a lawsuit filed by a Delta Air Lines flight attendant who claims she was threatened and required spinal surgery after a trip last year. The lawsuit was filed in June by Sandra Komine, 45, against Perez and the team. Komine claims that before a flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles, Perez grabbed her hair and ``shook her head violently side to side,'' and shook her again during landing after she asked him to turn off his cellular telephone. Shortly after takeoff, Perez claimed to have a handgun and threatened to shoot several attendants, telling one, ``I can do anything I want to you...'' ... Except, of course, strike them out... YOU'RE OUT: "If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?" -Vince Lombardi
