Does anyone here have any experience in a long-term relationship/marriage with someone who suffered from bipolar disorder? Care to share? The reason I ask is that I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 and a half years. Overall we had a great relationship, lots in common, great chemistry and all... but we'd often hit rough patches that, not to take the easy way out, felt like the result of her being bipolar. The reason we broke up is kind of two fold... I'm 23 and this was really only my second serious relationship (both of about 2.5 years) and I was starting to feel like I needed to experience "life" (see: women) a little bit more before settling down. Those thoughts of other girls and checking women out and all were becoming more and more prominent. And then, there was the bipolar aspect of our relationship. We started out great and one thing people always commended me on was how patient I was with her (which I felt I was just doing the right thing), but I felt like lately I was just losing my patience with her episodes and everything else and I didn't really like seeing that happen to myself. So long story short, we're broken up now, and I find that I really miss her, I know I care about her and love her and all that, and that if I said the word she'd be back with me in a split second. But I know I've also heard about people being in relationships with someone who's bipolar and the marriage will degenerate into a living hell. So I'd just like to hear advice from people and recommendations. Do I force myself to stay out while I'm out and just move on... or do I keep the hope that in the future we could work it out and have a long, loving, wonderful marriage? (Disclaimer: I know the small amount of info I've given about her/us isn't enough to judge the relationship and what I really should do... just want to hear some experiences )
I've known several people (all women) with bipolar disorder and not all are the same. The extent of the swings, how often they happen and how long they last vary quite a bit. One thing they had in common (from my standpoint) is I felt very sorry for their husbands/boyfriends. I cannot imagine being in a long term relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder. Just be careful.
One of my close, guy friends, is bipolar. So I became with this disorder a bit and started to reseach on it about a year ago. One psycholagist that I listened to on radio once said that bipolar people, unfortunately would not be able to maintain a healthy long term relationship such as marriage. I am not an expert myself, I just heard another psychologist say it. But I view my friend as a very nice guy overall, who is in fact getting married in a few months. If it is someone who you care for a lot, then you can learn to deal with their episodes. But then again I've never had a relationship with a bipolar person, so...
My brother's bi-polar wife was batshait insane. He endured it for 20 years for his daughter to get out college and married before he divorced her. I was under the opinion that you marry for life, sickness and health but changed my mind to: you only have 1 life to live and you deserve some happiness. He does take full financial responsibility for her still. The real problem was that she became totally devoid of love and affection, it was merely a platonic relationship with bouts of full blown screaming warfare. When she is fully medicated, she is pleasant enough, but then there are the calls in the middle of the night claiming "your brother's affairs are killing me with aids". He did have affairs but I can't tell you whether they were the chicken or the egg. Medication is better now, this woman had been molested as a child and had her eldest daughter (my brother's stepdaughter) die at 23 with cervical cancer so her whole life has been a tragedy. But you asked for experiences; his was bad.
I'm Bipolar and personally I find it hard to get motivated to be in a relationship, but when I do, I tend to gravitate into thinking she'll be the one so to speak. I do think people with BP are different though. I've been to support groups where some acted violent tempered when manic, whereas others self esteem merely deflates and they take it out on themselves. I dunno the type of person your ex is, but if she's the violent type I'd probably be hesitant, but as someone who is personally the latter, I'd kind of cheer for you to stick it out with her. Fact is if I didn't have my hereditary family (haven't raised one of my own), and my small circle of friends I'd probably have been dead years ago. This is true for any person but especially people that are Bipolar, support from friends and family, a solid routine like a steady sleeping pattern, exercise pattern, diet, and medication that helps making coping easier in each transitional phase helps lessens the effects of the phases and may very well drown out all symptoms of the disease entirely though thats rare. I sympathize with this woman, but really its your life, and ultimately your happiness. Play the field if that's what you really want to do, and know it may take some time, but she'll get over it.
I am friends with a similar couple. She is bi-polar and I find her easy enough to get along with.... However looking from the outside- in I often find myself thinking I'd rather die alone than put up with the garbage she puts him through. In fact, I'm sure I would. I don't know what he gets out of the relationship really... she has a kid from another relationship that is a real sweetheart and he and the girl are really close and I know he loves her. That complicates things for him...but if it were me, I'd still drop the girlfriend like a bad habit because she is violent. She threatens to kill him on a regular basis. She is the one always looking to cheat and projects it onto him. It's just ugly. Only you know how bad it is, and if you're willing to put up with that sort of thing forever. I know you miss her, but ask yourself, are you feeling guilty for leaving her when you feel as though she needs you? Could you be letting that cloud your judgement?
I used to be miserable for those 5-7 days. Horrible cramps, mood swings, the whole nine yards. More women with extreme PMS symptoms need to look into birth control. It's been a huge blessing for me.
One of my best friends was in a long term relationship with a woman suffering from bi-polar disorder. She was a few years younger than him. I remember that everytime we would see them, she was either all over him, or screaming at him for some reason and then storming out for a while. Sometimes she would go MIA for couple of days, and it tore him apart. Things eventually came to a head when they had a huge fight, and she decided to move out. He quickly grew worried when she would not answer her cell or return his calls. So he called her mother, who said she was at her grandma's house. After explaining the situation to her, they both decided to head over to her grandma's house. When they arrived, they discovered her lifeless in the garage from carbon monoxide poisoning. It was really hard on my friend, as he blamed himself for everything. After multiple counseling sessions, he is finally back on his feet and dating a stable, older woman.
she tried...and it even got worse! i dont know if it helped her physical ailments, but it made her really emotionally charged. even when it wasnt her time. completely unbearable.
My symptoms weren't extreme, my timing was always inconsistent. I heart BC. Now, back to the subject: You not being able to deal with her might just be a phase - I know that when I'm faced with a situation on a routine basis, I shrug it off at first, then I get annoyed/whatever, but then I come to terms with it and it's no big deal again. But there's no guarantee that this will happen. So here's the bottom line - if you can't deal with it and you're miserable, you deserve to be happy (or at least you deserve the chance to be happy) just like she deserves the chance to find someone who can deal with her bipolar.
I dealt with a bi-polar girl. We were together about a year and in the end I decided I was not going to sacrifice my happiness to deal with her. That might sound cold, but she wasn't exactly happy herself as she was mentally sick and not getting help. I felt like I was being selfish at the time, but looking back I made the right decision.
The girl I dated for several years before I met my wife was Bipolar AND had MS, and some other health issues. She was bat**** (the term I use too, very fitting) crazy. Medication can help this, but I wouldn't do it again. I feel sorry for her to this day. Bottom line, like you said, go out there, sow your oats, get to know different kinds of women, and be careful before you get into any kind of relationship.
