I've been thinking about this a lot because, by nature, I tend to trust the establishment on the whole. But I think I may be in the minority on this. A very good friend of mine is going through a very nasty/tough separation/divorce with his wife, and there's a child involved. Basically, his wife is severely depressed and has been since her mother killed herself several years ago. The wife has attempted suicide 6 times herself in the past 2 months alone, and my friend has finally decided he is emotionally spent, and can't take the pain anymore. He decided he was ready for a divorce, and wanted primary custody. (wherein he would get to keep the house, but they would still share custody of their daughter) Well, the wife panicked and has now run off with the baby. According to her family (who doesn't like my friend) she is "safe". He assumes she is in a shelter somewhere. I told him he should inform the police, but he is 100% convinced that they will somehow find him at fault for some kind of abuse, pin it all on him, and that he will somehow end up in prison and lose custody of his daughter. FYI, I genuinely believe there hasn't been any abuse or foul play involved whatsoever. The only time he has ever done anything remotely akin to "striking" her was to prevent a suicide attempt. What I do believe is that she needs serious therapy (which she has had) and needs to be on some kind of medication. (which she is supposed to be taking but apparently doesn't) Am I crazy for thinking that bringing the law or someone into this would be beneficial?
Well, there's a lot of unknowns (where the mother and child are, how trustworthy the father and the family of the mother are, etc.). I think this sounds like something that really needs to be taken to the proper authorities. The father shouldn't have much to fear if he really hasn't done anything wrong. However, the fact that he's "100% convinced" that he'll "somehow end up in prison" strongly suggests that there's something he's not telling you about the sitution. On the whole, I bet you aren't getting the whole picture (and of course, I know less about it than you do), but I think you should keep an eye on what's going on. To me, it seems that the child will by far be safest and best served if some kind of authority can keep things under control. Hopefully, that's already the case and the mother is already getting help.
if her suicide attempts are documented and she in fact "ran off" with the kid, then he has nothing to fear.
I concur. He has parental rights and she cannot take those away because she fears the results of a custody battle. The above is not legal advise and should in no way be construed as such. If you need legal advise talk to a lawyer.
I'm sorry to be brash, but two things have stood out to me in your post: 1) I have difficulty believing that she REALLY wants to die. There are almost no failed suicides IMHO. If someone really wants to die, they'll succeed. It's not difficult. When someone has "failed suicide six times" this strikes me as a person who is wanting attention, not wanting death. Now, if she pointed a gun to her head, blew off 25% of her brain, and survived.... well, THAT would be a failed suicide attempt. But if it was a "take too many pills" or a "slit my wrists the wrong way" thing.... to me, that's just a pathetic person who is vying for attention. 2) If your buddy is afraid to call the police in that situation, there's a damn good reason for it and he's not telling what the reason is. I'm not saying he beat her. I really have no idea. Never met the guy. Don't know what happened. All I'm saying is that that action just reeks of guilt. Whew! I can smell that guilt all the way over here! Somebody light a match!
I have nothing to say, other than your friend, his wife and their child are in my prayers. As far as the original question goes...no I do not have faith in the "system". The only thing I have faith in is myself.
Funny, that's what Rowling says is the main theme of the Potter books. "Have no faith in institutions and trust yourself." Oh, that and Dumbledore is gay.
I do not have faith that the system will allways do the right thing -- but we are better off with a flawed system (and continuing to fight the defects in it) then no system at all. E.g. the flawed system does not protect all chidlren it should but the flawed system does protect some children who would otherwise not be protected. Judging the situation from a distance it appears your friend is either guilty of something or a coward. If my child was in danger and/or being held from me there is no limits I would go to get her back -- none. I would use every avenue of the flawed system to fight back. I would rather go to jail on false charges fighting to get her back then just let her go.
I have faith the system will usually work as designed, but I am not always thrilled with the design. That is what happens when you are not the dictator of your own country.
A lot of my friend's skepticism comes from a big situation with his neighbor. His next door neighbor beats his wife almost daily. They have called the cops repeated to try to get the guy under control, but somehow he always talks his way out of getting arrested. Recently the cops came over and she had fresh bruises and cuts on her, while he was in perfect condition, but the cops ended up taking HER to prison because somehow the guy convinced the cops that she had tried to stab him. Oh, and the father-in-law evidently doesn't like him, and never has. He's already told my friend that he has over $200,000 sitting in the bank that he's ready to use if my friend attempts to start a custody battle. So the wife has some issues that probably need professional help, and her father, whose wife already committed suicide, is being protective of his daughter. What a mess.
I would think that even if he had to go to prison for it, it might be wise to bring the law to intervene when a clinically depressed and suicidal woman who won't take her meds kidnaps your child. It could be he's the source of the depression so just staying away will keep the situation under control. But, otherwise, you have to wonder what the woman might do to herself or your child. And, yeah, even if he was completely innocent, his wife can probably convince people he beat her or whatever. She'd have a long ways to go though to get custody herself with 6 suicide attempts.
