Acutally its my girlfriends friend. She has a husband who mentally and physically abuses her. I have no idea on what kind of advice to give her. Anyone have any clues, know of any programs or websites I can pass along to her? Also does anyone know if a cell phone can just be activated with the 911 feature? She does not really want or can afford to pay a monthly cell phone bill. I think I heard somewhere that a cell phone can be just activated with 911 for a very small charge. Any help would be very very helpful.
Most cell phone companies offer some kind of free 911 service with free phone. You don't have to sign up for regular service. As for the abusive guy, some times a Louisville Slugger to the side of the head is the best solution to the problem.
If she can't bring herself to leave him, she'll just get more of the same. Of the women I've known of, there is a breaking point, where enough is enough and they leave. But there are some who just learn to accept the abuse, and I think that's sad. don't really know about any websites or anything about the cell phones.
She is afraid to leave him. He has constantly threatned her that he will kill her if she tries to leave him. She doesnt have any family over here. They are all in a different country. I think she should leave him as well, but then what? He is basically living off of her and so she has not been able to save up any money whatsoever. I swear I dont know what the hell is wrong with some guys. I have known a few husbands who constantly harassed their wives. It is sad that they cant really find someone their own size to take their anger out on.
thehelpline.net has a 24 hour toll free hotline along with an informative website. ndvh.org also has the same credentials. pavnet.org lists various resources. wirelessfoundation.org you can purcahse a special emergency phone that will just dial 911, although those tend to be more expensive depending on the plans you want. Through sites like these people in abusive relationships can receive free phones during their tough times. calltoprotect.org this is another one. mobile911alarms.com is a site that sells emergency phones. These are just a few of the standouts, google's directory has quite a lot of information. As for the issue at hand, I don't really know what to say, but your friend needs the support of peers to get through this. I hope everything works out well.
Rockets03: Under state law, if you know of physical abuse and she is not reporting it, you can report it to the police domestic violence division and he can and will be prosecuted. She does NOT have to press charges for her husband to be prosecuted for his crime. The state passed a law a few years back that allows the police to go after abusers even if their victims don't press charges formally. If you see signs of physical abuse or if she tells you she is being abused, I would strongly suggest making a phone call to the police department or, at the very least, the Women's Center of Houston, particularly if there are children in that house. Sometimes, the responsibility falls on someone else to force a spouse to be accountable for his actions. Best of luck.
03, I'm sorry to hear about this. My old man beat my mom for as long as I can remember. Finally, when I was about 3 or 4 years old, she packed my sister & me up, left & never looked back. I sometimes wish he'd been around to try it when I became a man, because that'd been the last time he would've raised his hand to a woman, EVER! I still get pissed just thinking about it. Has she asked for help? Until she truely wants the help, she probably won't leave him. Assuming they live in the Houston area, try the Houston Area Women's Center. The number is 713-528-2121. They should be able to answer your questions & offer some solutions. If all else fails, get her a copy of "The Burning Bed" to watch. I'm just kidding about that part. Any man that feels he has to beat a woman isn't really a man. He deserves to have his a** beat by a man, but the problem with that is, he'll just go right back home & beat her again. I wish you the best in dealing with it.
That's a sad situation. I hope everyone says a prayer for this women. Suggestions: Call the police Get 5 or 6 of your male friends together and confront him. Offer her a place to stay till she gets on her feet. Email me. I just got a new shovel. Been looking for a good reason to dig a hole
Actually, this is one of the worst things you could possibly do. Most abusers beat women because they suffer a warped version of an inferiority complex. As a result, they take out their anger and frustration on someone who's physically and/or mentally weaker than they. If a bunch of people confront an abuser, he's going to feel like everyone's ganging up on him. The abuser will then turn around and take out all his anger on his girlfriend. You don't want to put her in that kind of danger. Better that you help her find a place away from him that has 24-hour security. She should then get a restraining order against him. That way she can get him put in jail if he even comes near her. Also, if she leaves him and he continues to threaten her, she might want to vary her daily routine as much as possible. She shouldn't drive the same route to work every day, she shouldn't do her shopping on a regular schedule, and she shouldn't even go out alone at night. Finally, she should tape every phone call that he makes to her place (hopefully he won't get her number at all). Of course, all this depends on whether she leaves the b*stard in the first place. That's the hard part. If she has anyone whom she looks up to (parent, older friend, or a priest/minister), they might be able to intervene. Otherwise, the abuse will have to reach a point where she can't take anymore. Good luck.
No disrespect - but if she thinks she is in a position where she may need a 911 phone, she needs to get out NOW. No excuses - just do a runner. I understand that she is scared of his reaction , but better to be free and scared than abused and controlled. Help her find a friend or somewhere she can stay, maybe out of state, where she can get back on her feet. Calling the police in while they are still together, while ethically correct, will be pointless. She would probably be petrified and would lie to the police to protect him, and end up getting further retaliatory abuse anyway. Or the louisville slugger....
Why are you kidding? That's what the jackass deserves if he's beating his wife. It should be simple enough to go to the guy in the middle of the night and castrate him, then choke him to death with his own genitalia, but it's not. I honestly don't know what to do. I'd consider calling the cops. I'd also make sure that your friend knew that you and your friends will always be there for her no matter what. Offer her a place to stay, help her find a new place in another city, support her in any way you can as long as you let her know that for her sake, she needs to get the hell away from him and fast. I really think that if her family is in another country, you and your friends have to act like her family and take charge of the situation. Be careful though, like subtomic said, she'll probably feel the wrath more if he sees that people are trying to help her get away from him.
To get a restraining order, there has to be some sort of paper trail. Make sure she calls the police so that there is some sort of record of this happening. She has to get away from him but she will need help with a place to stay and security. I agree with the earlier posters that say that there has to be a breaking point and she has to do it on her own. It is kind of like a person that abuses alcohol, until they realize that there is a problem it will continue. Just be there for her. Her self esteem is most likely very low so try to builf that up by telling her she is smart and pretty and things like that. If she sees herself better she will start to realize that she doesnt deserve it. No woman ever deserves to be abused. No matter what the circumstances are. Dont try to push her into doing anything because she would most likely go back to him if you do or she will get tired of hearing it and try to avoid you. Just be an out for her. Maybe you could suggest seeking some sort of counseling. The professionals would know the best way to help her. I am only suggesting things that I have seen work from experience. My dad beat up every woman he has ever been with and they will not do anything until they are sick of it.
In addition to the above advice about restraining orders: 1. Nothing will happen to solve this situation unless the victim has decided to get out. As long as she's still trying to "cure" the guy or save the relationship, your intervention will be at best temporary and at worst counterproductive. 2. The victim may not be able to muster that courage without the help of somebody close to her. That somebody could be your girlfriend. She can't save the victim, but she can help the victim decide to save herself. 3. Once she decides to get out, her friends (including your girlfriend) need to keep here completely away from thinking about this guy and his needs and his future. The worst, most self-destructive thing women always do in this situation is worry about the guy and whether he'll be OK and whether they belong with him and should go back to him. If you can't kill the SOB -- and unfortunately, the law forbids that -- the best you can do is keep him out of her life and out of her head in other ways. He will try to track her down. She must give him ZERO contact of any kind.
All cell phones, even deactivated ones, can call 911. You don't need a service, period, from what I've heard.
To cover my a**. If she were to go out & do that, then it could be argued that I planted the thought in her mind to kill the guy. That might be considered premeditated murder & that'd be very difficult to defend.
Rockets03, Is her family in a position to help her? If so, have her give you the number & make the call for her. The long distance bill is a small price to pay to save your wife's friend's life.
R0ckets03, One thing you might be able to do is convince her not to start a family with this guy. Children should not be brought up in that environment, because they can become victims and, worse, learn his behavior to perpetuate the cycle.
What ethnicity is this girl? I'm asking this question because she might be afraid to seek help because 1) she is afraid of what her husband might do to her, 2) she is afraid of what her family and community will think of her, and 3) certain cultures frown upon divorce (separation from husband) because good wives never disobey no matter how much abuse. Your girlfriend is probably her only outlet. She needs help, but is just too afraid to ask for it.
Crispee, her husband just recently said he wants a kid. Of course she knows that this will only make it really tough if she decides to leave him. That is why this is more urgent then ever. Oh and I forgot to mention this b*stard already has another wife and a kid! Hottodie, her family is in Asia. She went home last year for a year. She wasnt planning on coming back, but her husbands family who happens to live in the same country forced her back here. Unfortunately Bangladesh does not really have a police force that cares about domestic violence and could care less about her situation. So if she is to go back to her country she would be in deep trouble. Jeff, Dean, Hottodie thanks for the websites and phone number. Will, Master Baiter do either one of you know exactly what needs to be done to get a restraining order against him? I would also like to thank everyone else for their concern, prayers and advice. This has been very helpful. My girlfriend is going to print out this thread and show it her friend I think. It will make a feel better that there are actually people out there that do care and are concerned about these types of situations.
From Bangladesh. Being a recent immigrant to a completely different country then hers probably will make her a little more scared then usual.
