Why Does Sex Decrease After Marriage (Long-Term Relationships)?

Wasn't this ice cream analogy featured on an episode of Happy Days?

 

Oh darn, another long winded response I'm gonna make..I'd answer with a bunch of scientifics but you're not wanting that, so I guess I'll give my 3 cents with "historical" reasoning...

- Monogamous marriage throughout history has been the RARER from of marriage. Usually polygamy was the way. Its within past centuries its shifted toward one wife.

- Romantic passionate love between two people that lasts for eternity tends to be mostly a modern ideology of love. Love and passion used to be something distinct all to itself but in past century its kind of intregated together with marriage.

- Sexuality and love in these current times, its represented in a lot of ways through entertainment media and fairy tales. In today's era of extremism in all things, it can lead to unrealistic expectations and a letdown of sorts when love, marriage and sex doesnt just all come together...

- Speaking of marriage, its operates as a business arrangement more than it being a "two people that were meant to be together" connection...The finances if they're gonna be shared or divided, planning where to live, hours to work, who does what with the children at what time, who does what around the house, renovations to the house, spending budgets, who gets what after possible separation...if business and pleasure dont mix, and sex doesnt mix in marriage, following that progression...

- I criticize women a lot in here admittedly, but I think sex is a ways to a means for alot of them...there was a study I heard on a radio show of people in Southern California, that married couples living in the richer beach areas were having LESS sex than lower income married people living inland. Partly because the richer woman got to the desired point they wanted to get to, got the security they needed, then after that didnt have much else to "grind it out" for...I also think women now are always in constant evolvement and for all the freakier things we're seeing them do they still dont want to be seen as a "slut", and try to be a goody girl/domestic goddess do-it-all dynamo maintaining that image, and forget the things why MEN got to appreciate them. (Which is 70% being a good lay, then the benefits afterward )

Havent even mentioned the part of men getting bored with one person...the part that where it makes even less sense is women have their sexual primes later so you'd think there'd be more sex...but thats also the GOOD part and the upside to it 5 years together is a good indictor of things so you shouldnt too worried

 

Sex in marriage is not always supposed to be the passionate, romantically charged activity that we see in Hollywood movies. That kind of passion is great and should be worked for, but realistically, there will be days when life will be a grind, and being a faithful husband or wife will mean faithfully doing your duty, rather than seeking a thrill. There will be times when sex is to be done as a faithful expression of your love for each other, even when you're tired or don't feel like it.

 

A very simple answer:


Us.


Uhh, I mean,

Children.

 

two words:

cottage cheese

 

The way I see it- you get older, your sex drive goes down for many different reasons. Stress of responsibility and time management have a lot to do with it, as does physical fitness. Many people stay in shape to be attractive- once you nail down that 'permanant' person, what's the draw of the gym if you did it for vanity's sake alone when you were single?

But the sex drive doesn't decrease proportionately with couples. The man may be losing his sex drive, while the woman's may stay level for a time. Then you have one person frustrated. So in the end, you have to compromise, which means that the partner who is lagging may need a little extra attention to get aroused.

In the end, the sex in a relationship is like anything else in a lasting, healthy relationship- it takes work and sacrifice.

 

I don't know. I came to this North American country of yours waaaAAAAaaaaayyy after Happy Days, but I know what show you're talking about. It came from mah noggin'.

 

The thrill is gone, Baby.

 

This is oh so true. There have been times where my wife wants me "to talk" and I don't really have anything to say which then leads to her not wanting to have sex because she's not "in the mood".

I think a lot of people have already nailed this in that people are tired, have kids, more responsibilities, hobbies, taking care of house work, etc. Also, I think it is very true that sex is very exciting with a woman when you are dating and first married, but you can get bored when you are doing it with the same person over and over. It is like there is no risk or excitement anymore, it is "safe" to have sex with your spouse that you have been married to for years and years. That is why it is so important for both parties to always keep things interesting in the bedroom, not just one party.

 

'Nuff said.

 

Thank you for actually reading the article I posted. I was wondering if anyone was going to read it. I think that the entire article is spot-on.

 

Question, for you married people...

When things get "boring" and you want to spice it up and let's say she agrees to having a threesome and gives you one every year or a few times a year to keep you around would you ever agree to let her get it on with a younger guy when ya'll got older?

See when I was younger I would hang out in hotel bars every now and then or sleezy dark bars and older married women would always tell me they were "free to hook up with a younger man" because they "gave their husbands either freedom or threesomes"

Can't see myself ever letting my woman do whatever she want's or go to a swingers bar (unless it was just to get another woman )

 

Wives love it when you get drunk and sing at the top of your voice at 2 am. Especially when they need to wake up early. It really makes them want to have sex. Your voice is exactly what they need to hear as well as the neighbors that live close by. All wives on the street get hot listening to it and go into a sexual rampage with you or their husbands, if they get desparate enough.

Trust me

wait...

 

Maybe it's just me, but the irony of seeing a bunch of internet forum posters talking about their fears of not having enough sex once they get married is so thick you could cut it with a chainsaw.

That said, it always makes me uneasy having such conversations with strangers, because we have no idea what makes up the entirety of who you are talking to. A lot of it has to do with how you were raised, and what your priorities are. I am reminded of that video (sorry don't remember the link) on YouTube, may even have seen it linked from Clutchfans, it was called 'The Gayest Thing Ever'.. if anybody remembers seeing it, was just a video that a bunch of 'young brothas' made of themselves, each one taking turns showing off their 'moves' on a poor helpless footstool. These guys are literally just wandering around, humping the air, just mindless humping animals, that's what it looked like to me.

How can you talk to someone like that, for example, about serious things like relationships?

I remember when I was little, one of the neighbors had this huge German Shepherd dog, and every once in a while, that thing would just stand on the porch and hump the air. He didn't even know he was doing it, it was just a physical compulsion. Mindless. That's what so many men remind me of.

The questions then become: 'Why is sex so important? Is it just a mere physical compulsion? Is it all about your needs, or do you genuinely care about hers? Is sex so important to you in a relationship that you would 'end it' if you did not get it as often as you wanted?'

These are not small questions, and usually call for some serious self-examination.

I have actually given seminars about this very subject over the years, from New York to Las Vegas to Austin to all around Houston.

Bottom line is, it's an extremely complex subject, and there are no easy answers. The most telling thing I have learned over the years, however, is that 99% of men have no idea how to please a woman, they only know how to please themselves. Once a man truly learns what it means to be in tune with a woman, with her sexuality, her needs and desires, then he is on the path to a deep and lasting relationship. And don't worry about HIS needs in such a situation - once a man 'wakes up' a woman to the fact that he is truly capable of focusing on her instead of himself, she will be all over him, to the point that he will never again feel that sex is unavailable to him whenever he wants it.

Fact is, women think about sex a whole lot more than men do, regardless of popular mythology. 'Always leave 'em wanting more.'

 

I don't do this much, but this response kinda got me revved up. Please don't take it as a personal attack. I'm just lost after reading this and felt I needed to respond to it.

And you're reading it. What keeps you around here. The fact that their are topics that baffle you you to no end. Some people (including myself) have poured their hearts out to many wonderful people on this board. Some people (including myself) needed sought therapy, but lived in denial and tended to open up and feel comfortable in this enviroment.

Why is the irony so thick? I don't get your statement.

Relax man. You are putting way too much thought in this. It's a simple question and a very common problem married couples have. In a long term marriage, did you sex decrease? Yes? What is your opinion?

That's it. Bottom line. It is up to the individual to determine at what level of detail they need to expose. It all depends on how comfortable they are in the material they want to share.

You are uneasy and didn't respond to the question. That's cool, but don't knock others for trying to be open and helpful.

You lost me on this one. Some people aren't serious and you learn to ignore it.

I am even more lost about this humping dog response. What does it have anything to do with the thread title? Do you think the thread is pointless? If so, just say it. An essay is not necessary.

You first.

Many people on this board need self-examination. What's your point?

Yet you never spoke on how this thread relates to you in a personal helpful way.

Bottom line is that this response is complicated.

That's interesting. Perhaps you could open a thread in D&D about this very topic that most guys might disagree with.

I thought about sex the entire time I wrote this. Would any women here like to admit that?

I didn't think so.

 

You've always been one of my favorite posters...

 

[TMI] I hope it does because right now, I can barely keep up! [/TMI]

 

After over 10 years of marriage and three kids, we still rock each others world. There is just sometimes weeks between.
Laziness is a BIG reason also. You get an urge, but are so damn tired from work, kids, bills, etc... then sleeping seems like a better option.
Then you get the enegy to do it and ALWAYS say after, "Why don't we do this more often?"

I will say this, a few couple of weeks in between sex makes the sex much better.

Oh yeah...there is always p*rn to satisfy the man needs in between also. Men NEED to release the pressure, kinda like a steam pipe. There has to be some maintenace in between and sometimes the job gets done faster on your own.

Just a few tidbits...

 

It's definitely something that has to be worked at. Obviously the first year of marriage is the best in that regard, but overall I'd say it's the toughest year of marriage for most people. That may be why the sex is so great--it's new and it's exciting, but there's also a great deal of stress in getting used to living with a new person and being married, and that's a great way to blow it off.

But we also have to remember that as we get older, we typically don't look better. I've only been married three years, and I sure as hell don't look as good as I used to. I'm sure that plays in as well.

 

That has to rank as one of the best rambling posts that I have seen here - it was awesome.