I just spent the past weekend with a girl I like, and a guy I consider one of my best friends, which brings me to this question. They both lied to me about their whereabouts, and what they were doing. Not together, mind you. Two totally different things. Now, I've stated before that I wasn't the best husband, and I'm sure (in fact I know) that there are areas in my good friendships I could improve upon, but I have always been a trusting guy. To a gullibility point. If someone says something, I believe them, which is why it pisses me to high hell when I find out it isn't true. I spoke to another good friend tonight who knows both. He told me to blow it off. He said they are both good people who ultimately like to be discreet about their lives. I have a problem with that. #1. I have always been open. #2. I'd rather they say they would prefer not to disclose info. I simply hate lying. And I'm not joking. I'm fairly sure one of the two will read this post. After what has gone on with my ex-wife and our ex-friend, he should know damn well why it pisses me off. But to the board: Am I overreacting?
We won't know if you're overreacting if we don't know the problem. But if it warrants the fact that you guys are now no longer friends, if it's that big, then I don't think you're overreacting.
I think calling out the lie or making light of the person for lying is a good temporary measure. Look at it this way, if you make a disproportionate stink about it, then most likely they will lie more extravagantly about it the next time or leave you completely out of the loop. If the girl ever became a SO, then I would make a bigger deal out of it, but I don't see any good tackling it right now.
Why don't you let it go this time, but tell the people that you would prefer they let you know that their whereabouts are private instead of lying to you. Could you handle it if they told you they would prefer not sharing some pieces of information?
These are the types of things that can put serious strains on friendships. I would put it out there with both people that you don't mind if they don't want to share certain aspects of their lives with you, but you would prefer that when they don't that they do it in such a way that doesn't involve lying to you. Granted, that's sometimes easier said than done.
in my opinion, you are overreacting and being way sensitive. whenever my friends, or coworkers or whatever ask me what i did over the weekend or last night i wouldnt want them to expect me to tell them the truth everytime. this goes the same if i were asking the question. for example, if i ask my buddy "what did you do this weekend?" im really just asking if you have anything interesting to talk about, and use it just as a greeting or convo starter. if they reply "oh not much" .. i know its a sketch answer, but i dont care or push the issue either way, because its their perogative and their own business. however, people are different and have different values. i have many friends who, in the same way, demand honesty and get upset when you tell them lies, no matter how harmless, and will continue to prod and poke. to be honest -- i hate people who are like that.
Wow. Ok. Here is the perfect example. My boy, who I love like a brother, called me right after I posted this. I live about a mile away. I told him I just posted a thread about honesty and how I feel about it. He told me to come back over because a friends girlfriend had come back with a few friends. He even tossed the phone to her. I said should I really come back over? I'm happy at home now. He said he'd call me back if it was worth it. 5 minutes later he told me to come on back over. So, I obliged. I get there, and find him about to go to bed with the same two guys that had been there the whole time. He tells me to go on the patio, because that's where they all are. I go out on the patio, and it is just my friends girlfriend. After a few minutes of her whining, I ask her about where her friends went. She never brought any over. I calmly say I'll be back. Maybe it was this thread, or the other girl, or just subconscious things I'm not even aware of, but I simply snapped. I was literally frothing at the mouth at this guy. My other two friends tried to stop me, and I physically tossed them aside. Luckily, I just got him into his bedroom and gave him one hell of a "we're not doing this." My friends did have a point. He is a great guy. And he is always there for us, if needed. But he picked the wrong moment to pull another lie, especially considering, how I've always tried to protect him on the DWI stuff. Ultimately, I may have lost a friend. And that would suck. But I will no longer associate with anyone who isn't willing to either tell me something honestly, or, at the very least, choose not to explain. Regardless, he truly lost a lot of trust in me tonight.
and i will add... if someone lies to you and you know it, you shouldnt assume it has anything to do with you and that they are hiding stuff from you. sometimes people just dont want other people in their koolaid
Sounds like a bit of a prank, or that your friends girlfriend wanted to talk to you, for whatever reason. DD
Some simple advice: <object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/iwu3D-Luo-E"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/iwu3D-Luo-E" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
what was the purpose of coming back over? what "was worth it"? why do you need to go see an friend's girlfriend? and what's this "going to bed with the same two guys"?
Yeah, I'm not trying to be funny, and maybe my reading comprehension skills are seriously failing me now, but are you saying this guy goes into his bedroom about to have a 3-some w/ 2 other guys right after you get there? Basically he gets you to come over to entertain your other friend's girlfriend while he takes care of business? I'm really confused too.
I hit reply, but since then I've totally forgotten what this thread was about. So, I'd just like to say hello.
OK. I'll try to clarify. Guy has a one bedroom condo. 3 guys in the living room. One girl on the patio. After I find that out I yell at him in the living room. He goes into his bedroom. Both the other two try to keep me from following him. I pushed both aside and confronted him in his bedroom.
