Just wondering if there are married people here who, like me (not that I'm married), have to have some alone time every week to not go crazy. Just time to do your own thing (not neccasarily for masturbation, you pervs) like reading a book, watching a game in peace, or calling a buddy who lives out of town. If so, how do you get it? Does your wife respect it? Married people only please.
I do need it. I get it about 85% of the time. I think it really depends on how big your house is. Also there will be times when she has errands to run or stuff that will keep her out of the house. I know exactly how you feel, because it is very important. The 15% of the time when I don't get it, I can be very irritable and grumpy. It just doesn't feel right.
We've been married 27+ years. We tend to have our "alone" time naturally. Of the 8 hours we are together (not sleeping or working) I generally run for an hour or so most days. My wife may read or listen to a book. I may watch the Astros via MLB TV and she may watch TV shows she is more interested in than I am. I can't remember any times where we forced ourselves to be alone.
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I usually get up a little earlier get home an hour to 2 hours earlier, and she works some Saturdays. That is enough for me. I pay for it with dinner duty, but that's fine with me since I enjoy cooking/grilling. It's never a problem if I go hang with a friend solo or take a couple weekend trips to DC or NYC without her. Evan
Yes, we do need it. Go see "Knocked Up". It contains major comedy about us "married people." NO, we don't need it. If you want to get away, then get away together or separately but equally. Make it "fair." The way I see it, if you think you need to "get away", you're not loving your spouse or kids enough. You need time together and you also need to treasure that time. When you try to "get away", you will miss them... and that's when you'll know you're in good shape. I watch any game I want so as long as I don't have something urgent to do, like changing the oil or mowing the lawn or sweeping the kitchen floor. It's just shared duties sometimes, like bathing the kids or making sure they're in bed. Many a times my girls will watch the games (soccer, football, basketball, baseball), with me. Most of the time, if you "make them" watch it with you, they'll think it's something they are being forced to do and won't do it... so that's some time alone and to your advantage at home. If you give each other time to be alone with "the girls" or "the guys" out, then it should be mutual and nobody should be doing anything they're not supposed to be doing, otherwise it's not healthy. Married with two kids. Happy.
Absolutely. For some reason my wife would love nothing more than for me to get out of the house. We always do our own thing. She reads a lot and I'm on the cpu a lot. But we always check in on each other and I will show her a funny video or something. She couldn't care less what I do and she sure as hell won't let me tell her what to do. We even cook separate meals for the most part these days. But every now and then we will watch The Office together or something like that. When we do spend time together it's usually in the backyard having some drinks and relaxing (which is like twice a week). I know couples that do everything together. Every day hey sit and watch tv all night together etc. I don't get that.
It's pretty easy to get time to yourself. Even with an infant thrown in the mix I went to a dozen or more Rockets games this year and just finished a play that I rehearsed for four months. I spend alot of time with my wife, but we both have plenty of time spent doing our own things too.
Ok i'm not maried but I have been living together with my girlfriend for about 4 years so i think i might be suitable for a answer, (if you do not think so just ignore my comment). We do most things together, most of the nights we watch tv together or a movie. I also need some alone time every now and then. My girl accepts that(she has the same). I play basketbal with some friends, and usually hang out with them afterwards. She goes to sing once a week. and we both hang out with our own friends. Other then that, it goes naturally, we both have our own hobby's. when i want to watch a game she usually reads a book next to me on the couch(the same goes for me when she wants to watch a show i do not care about). I always feel it is important to have your own things, things you do apart from each other.
No one's talking about living in separate houses.... I love spending time with my girlfriend (most likely future wife). I'm over there 4 or 5 nights a week. But that doesn't mean I don't need my 'guy' time. Like I said in my original post, guy time doesn't mean strip clubs, prostitutes and kiddie p*rn, it just means a few hours a week of reflection time. Something as simple as listening to music or reading a book or the other things people have listed in this thread. Lucky for me, my girlfriend is very independent (which is what attracted me to her in the first place) so I don't think this will be a problem. She likes to have her girls-only happy hours after work at least once a week where all the teachers can have some drinks and gossip about each other. Plus every summer, they all take a vacation together. I've talked to some of her friend's husbands about it and they all tell me that, like them, I will learn to appreciate those happy hours more and more once we get married!
We've been Married almost 8 years and together 15. Alone time is never forced or an issue. We both respect each other and realize we don't need to spend each waking moment together. I go play poker or hang with the guys a couple times a week. She relaxes with a book or takes a run. We both parent our kids with the same set of rules if we are alone or together. I'm a more social creature than she is and I like to be around friends alot. This took some time for her to get use to but now that shes friends with all the wives it is no big deal.
Been married 9 years. This is kinda built-in for us. We do things together and we do plenty of things apart. Work is already many hours apart but even at home. I play World of Warcraft. She reads her novels. Together we play with our son. Watch shows. And enjoy dinner.
My wife and I have been together for 15 years. We both enjoy time to ourselves. I think it's necessary for a healthy relationship.
Right now, mine works in consulting and travels out of town for work for 4 out of every 7 days. She'll likely be doing this type of work for at least the next few years. In some ways, it's a struggle... but there are good points too. The negatives: 1 - flying that much makes her cranky when she does get home 2 - when she's home, she wants to stay in more 3 - dealing with air travel (delays, cancellations, etc.) 4 - during go-live periods for projects, the 4 days on 3 days off thing goes out the window... more like 3 weeks on, 1 week supposedly-off-but-really-on-call The positives: 1 - for 4 days of the week, I get to turn up my Vox AC-30 past 3 2 - when she's home, she wants to stay in more 3 - she's not a basketball fan, so I got to go to a ton of games and there was no nagging 4 - when she's back in town, she still has her girly-specific errands that she wants to do alone... so it's not overload All in all, it's been a big change, but it makes us both appreciate the time we do have together even more.
Absolutely. You have to have that. I generally ask/tell her before I go out with friends...that's only to make sure she's feeling ok to take care of the kids by herself that night. I can't remember the last time she said, "no...i'd rather you didn't." She affords me the same courtesy and I can't recall the last time I said, "no." It would only be because there was some other conflict. As for time just alone...we both respect boundaries around the house or otherwise. I love to go up to Starbucks and read a book. It's great time alone. I don't abuse that. I don't do it all the time. But it's a nice getaway just down the street. The key to this..as with most things...is treat her like you want to be treated. It's really that simple, I believe. And you'll find that most people respond that way back if you start that way.
Somehow we make it work, but my wife and I are opposites. I want more alone time or time out with the guys and she want's to spend all/most the time not at work, together. The thing is, since she's a teacher she gets off sooner than I do and has summers off so she gets plenty alone time even though she doesn't really want it. About the only guy time I get is when I can make it out for golf, but I don't get to do that near often enough. With a baby due in September, I'm pretty sure most of my alone time will be gone. Not saying I'm not going to enjoy most of my time, just sucks my only alone time is at a job that I don't really enjoy.
