"I'm not really looking at your shoelace, but if I lean just a little more to the left I'll get 5 million for squeezing that Sprite add into this photo. God. I love life."
How many times have I told you, If your gonna play for the Wizards you can only wear Air Jordans and these are not Air Jordans!
"You know back in the day, I could defend anyone on the court by just putting my finger right here" A senile Michael Jordan reminiscing on how good he was before his 2nd retirement
Here is one of my trade secrets. Now don't tell this to anyone, but what you do is this, you swing your arm out like I'm doing right now and then you push the defender to the floor. It's all easy after that. You just hit the wide open shot to win the championship. It works everytime.
"Don't tell me about foot massages. I'm the foot ****ing master. Got my technique down and everything. I don't be ticklin or nothin."