So lets say you are sitting around, postin on the board then all of a sudden you get the bubble guts. Not the "I gotta take a mean poo" kinda bubble guts, but the kind that makes your stomach sorta stretch a little and expand because of the sudden rise of gas. And you decide what the hell, no one is around, lets let em loose. Now right now we are talking about your own house, not at work or anything, that would be a different post. So anyway, you let out a bubbly fart (the kind that sounds like bubbles because you dont tilt yourself over a little to allow the gas to flow freely out of your bum) and it smells like Satan **** in his sweaty gym socks then dropped them in a bucket full of hard boiled eggs. So now you are sitting there basking in your own, unique ambience and all of a sudden, your girlfriend rings the doorbell. Now at this point you dont know its your girlfriend, but you figure it MIGHT be, so you wait to hear her voice. Then you hear her voice getting closer, now you have a few things sitting around... Cologne (probabyl more than a couple of brands), Air freshner, Spray on deodorant, and Axe body spray. Some of you maybe have other things at your disposal, such as Raid, or Hair spray. So you have about 5 seconds to make your choice.. so which is it? This is just a hypothetical situation, in no way does it refer to something that happened to me. So what do you guys use to mask a nice smelly fart, the real thick smelly ones, that you know will stick around for atleast a good 10 minutes after you have released it?
Run. Run as fast as you can out to greet her and leave the smell behind. There's really nothing worse than a fart smell mixed with a cologne smell...ugh.
They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time. Use the Raid and tell her that a rodent snuck into your house and died inside. Then eat out.
Dammit, I say this every time a fart thread comes up. Downy fabric softener in the back pocket. If you anticipate a day of particularly nasty farts, you can even stick one (or two) inside your underwear.
This reminds me... I was just on a flight to Boston. Behind me, this lady brought this puppy. In the middle of the flight, it took a crap, so the smell was all over the place. It took about 20 minutes to get it cleaned up. During that 20 minutes I released every ounce of gas I could get out. Thats all.
Okay...well, since I don't think I'll ever patent it or anything - my brother and I developed something years ago that is pretty cool. We got help from a few friends who really knew their stuff with chemicals and everything, and we sorta developed a pill that you could take in the morning that could make your farts smell like any flavor you want (we only made strawberry and vanilla)... ...the problem we found was that our pill caused you to fart about 5 times as much. We don't have the plans anymore, although I'm sure the other guys do. But yeah, it was pretty cool. Sometimes it still stunk though.
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Get out of the house as soon as possible and take her somewhere. When a fart need passeth, the walls hold gasseth. It's impossible for it to just disappear. It has to dissipate. Air movement is the key as it must be replaced. You don't want your place to smell like a polished turd. Get the Hell out!!!
