always fall down into my shoe, and get all scrunched up on my foot? It's always just the left one and it only happens with certain shoes. My wife thinks it's due to me walkin funny because of my bad back and spine. I have this pair of rad Vans hightops I wear when the weather is cooler and it always happens with them (along with some others). It makes not want to wear them. Any ideas?
The latin word for 'left' is also the root word for 'sinister'. Catholics regular saw left-handedness as a sign of Satan's influence. Japanese men used to be able to use a wife's left-handedness as grounds for divorce. The ancient Magaya peoples of the Mongolian Steppe would urinate on their own left foot to keep evil at bay during their yearly fertility rituals, and the women who had the strongest urine smell emanating from the left side of her body would have the first choice of suitors. In cultures across the globe, and harking back to the early days of man, it has long been recognized that the left side of the body is the evil side. I suspect that your sock was made by a religious person, and imbued with that essence (through long hours of careful handsewing). As such, the left sock is naturally shrinking from the evil inherent in your left leg. There are a some options available to you: 1. Pee on your left leg, soaking the sock. 2. Only purchase socks from Target, because they use imprisoned demons from the 4th plane of Hell to manufacture all their goods. You can verify this by doing a public records search for tax stubs. (On Black Friday, they will have a special on bags of 'Left-Only Devil Socks', just FYI.) 3. Do not wear a sock on your left foot. Instead, wear a ninja boot (ninjas are naturally evil). 4. Have a Priest bless your left side every morning. This may involve prostate massage. There are, of course, some extreme options you could pursue but I wouldn't recommend them. I wish you the best of luck in your journey through the underworld.
