Yep. It's been a little over 5 months since I got the news (officially) that my gf was leaving me for some guy she met while working overseas, and while it's obviously not as bad now as it was immediately after, it still bothers me. It did actually get worse though after about a month, because that's when I really started realizing that my life was so different without her and that it was really over and done with. She wasn't crawling back, she wasn't second guessing, she wasn't having any regrets. Now I realize it was for the better. She has changed and there's nothing I can do about that. For example, before she went overseas she was talking about marriage and kids (even picking names and stuff) but apparently since then she has decided she doesn't even want kids (which is a total deal breaker to me) and doesn't want to even come back to America. I don't mean to get off on a tangent, but the point is that it hurts when things fall apart, and it will hurt for a long time. Anyone who tries to tell you that the worst is over or that you'll forget all about her after a while, well they're blowing smoke straight up your ass. What really happens is that you continue to hurt but you also become more rational about the situation. It still pops into your head, you're still aware of it, but it becomes easier to dismiss. Eventually you get to the point where you can actually believe yourself when you say you're better off. Looking back, I realize I wouldn't have really been happy with my ex in the long run. I also realize I can do a lot better and that it's not the end of the world. It's actually the beginning of a lot of new opportunity. No words that we offer will speed up the healing process for you, but hopefully they can encourage you to look at the future with some optimism. I wish you luck with that. You can do it.
10 years has gotta count for something...maybe she'll come around. you never know. give it time maybe??? good luck man...
This is a blessing in disguise Harrissment. Keep your head up and remember to be a man. That being said, women are evil, and they get bored often and make dumb decisions based solely on their boredom. A bored woman is a dangerous woman.
Harrisment - I only met you for 2 seconds, but I feel i've known you for years. Your struggle will be one that will have many sleepless nights and questions that won't escape your head. You will take 1 step forward and sometimes 100 steps back. But... You are a human being, what doesn't kill you only will make you stronger. Time is the only thing that will heal your wounds. Do not give up on your happiness, and most importantly do not give up on love. This to shall pass.
If she's done it before and you forgave her, but she did it again, she doesn't deserve you. Keep your head up and realize that you could have better than this. You're in my prayers, Harrisment.
you need to go out and be with your friends and make new friends. you can't be alone or you'll be depressed, eventually you'll be back on your feet again. a good idea is to go take some time off and travel the world.
Did she even say why she made the mistake she made? If she did it again, she certainly did not care for what you thought--asuming you told her it was bad to do it in the first time. I agree with finalsbound. I am an advocate in preventing other partners' mistakes by keeping them happy, but I am already thinking that you did that and she didn't care. Again, if she didn't care, she didn't love you. Keep those whom you love as happy as you can. If they go out there and make mistakes, you tried to prevent them. Keep your head up, Harrisment, and believe this isn't the end of the world. Make your mind cut off all the thoughts that lead you to think that you still love her. Think that you still care for her as a human being, but believe that the relationship between you and her was not something you caused, but something you tried to help. If that makes any sense, it means that it was not your fault.
Man I feel your pain. When you love some one and you've been together so long they become part of you. It's very hard to move on and to find a way to go on, but it is possible. No matter how much you love her you can't make her stay if she's not willing to work at the relationship, so don't second guess yourself or blame yourself because it's not your fault. Bad things happen to good people. Keep your head up and there will be brighter days for you.
Sorry dude. I don't think I could imagine being in this situation and coming out of it as well as some here appear to have. The whole "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" thing may apply, I guess, but since I've really only gone through one stage of that (the latter), I wouldn't be able to tell. I'm very bad at giving advice, as you can tell, but I hope you make it through all of this and get back on your feet.
Wow, what a devastating thing to go through. You've got a cavern you could drive a bus through inside, and it looks like it'll never heal. It will. Just be careful around buses. The comment earlier about you never being single since being an adult was a good one. Now, you'll get to find out about that, and it's a trip. You probably don't feel like doing it, and maybe you can't, but you should consider going on a trip. It'll get you away from all the reminders of her for a little bit, give you some fresh air, and some time for introspection. If you have a friend you like talking to (or who knows when to shut up!) in another city somewhere, maybe you could visit. Just a thought. Good luck. (lol! just saw tinman's comment. we agree)
I recommend you take up something you have never done before. I started playing guitar and went target shooting after I was out of my 3 year relationship.
I recommend that you take up something you have never done before. I started playing guitar and went target shooting after I was out of my 3 year relationship. It gets better. It hurts like hell, but it gets better.
That is damned awful. I feel really bad for you. Well, it may be of little comfort now, but later it might be the edge you can hold on to when you feel like are about to fall into the deep in... You were the good guy. She messed up, and you tried, and she did it again. You were the good guy. She will have to live with whatever her screw-ups are and you have maintained your self respect and dignity. As much as she may have meant to you, know that eventually you won't have to stay in a relationship where you are always wondering whether she will screw up again. That isn't anyway to live. No matter what happens and how bad it gets just know that you did the right thing and followed the highground in the relationship. She will have to live with screwing that up, and it will bother her for a long long time. Maybe not all the time, and maybe not right away, but it will.
Good luck Harrisment, for some reason you've been one of my favorite posters. Women are hell, my theory is they are not safe until after around 35 or 40 whereas men do stupid **** around 45 - 50.
Never truer words spoken. I normally just lurk here, but thought I would comment. I was married for 9 years and after my wife had a miscarrige, she left and is now gay. It's been a little over a year sence then, and although I am still broken, I am better. You will be too. For me, I focused on goals like going back to school and playing my bass guitar. I also would go hang out with my guy friends on Fridays after work. I didn't want to leave the house then, but felt better when I did. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
dont forget harrisment that clutchcity was about being down 3-1 to phoenix, or facing game 7 against the knicks.. when backed in the corner, the tough guy comes out swinging overcoming adversity to become champions. you'll overcome your adversity.
Hopefully things work out for you man. I don't know what will end up happening, but if you guys do split, the only thing that will help you get over it is time and not being by yourself. Good luck and I hope you find some comfort.
