Looking for any humorous anecdote/song about a crazy woman. Y'all have done well before. Let me know. Muchos gracias.
maybe you can do a search on all your old threads... crazy women seems to be the underlying theme in half your threads.
Willie Nelson: Mona Lisa (She was the craziest woman to ever live, maybe... ...Okay, it's just a guess, but she does have that crazy eye that always follows you.)
When I worked at a hair salon a couple years ago, this old woman got a little testy when we didn't get the shipment of the product she had ordered, and she swiped at all the small bottles of lotion on the counter, knocking them all off. When I told we would give her the product for free she told me she didn't want it, and that I should shove it up my ass. Probably not the sexy kind of story you want, but that b**** was really crazy. Made me cry for hours.
Lizzie Borden The Chad Mitchell Trio lyrics Elizabeth Bordon took an axe And gave her Mother forty wacks And when the job was nicely done She gave her Father forty-one Yesterday in old Fall River Mr Andrew Borden died And he got his daughter Lizzie On a charge of homicide Some folks say she didn't do it And others say of course she did But they all agree Miss Lizzie B Was a problem kind of kid 'Cause you can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts Not even if it's planned as a surprise (a surprise) No, you can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts You know how neighbors love to criticize She got him on the sofa Where he'd gone to take a snooze And I hope he went to heaven 'Cause he wasn't wearing shoes Lizzie kinda rearranged him With a hatchet so they say Then she got her Mother In that same old-fashioned way But you can't chop your Mama up in Massachusetts Not even if you're tired of her cuisine (her cuisine) No, you can't chop your Mama up in Massachusetts You know it's almost sure to cause a scene Well, they really kept her hoppin' On that busy afternoon With both down and up-stairs chopping While she hummed a ragtime tune They really made her hustle And when all was said and done She'd removed her Mother's bustle When she wasn't wearing one Oh, you can't chop your Mama up in Massachusetts And then blame all the damage on the mice (on the mice) No, you can't chop your Mama up in Massachusetts That kind of thing just isn't very nice Now, it wasn't done for pleasure And it wasn't done for spite And it wasn't done Because the lady wasn't very bright She'd always done the slightest thing That Mom and Papa bid They said, Lizzie, cut it out So that's exactly what she did But you can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts And then get dressed and go out for a walk (for a walk) No, you can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts Massachusetts is a far cry from New York No, you can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts Shut the door and lock and latch it Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet Can't chop your papa up in Massachusetts Such a snob, I've heard it said She met her Pa and cut him dead You can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts Jump like a fish, jump like a porpoise All join hands and habeas corpus Can't chop your Papa up in Massachusetts Massachusetts is a far cry from New York
Sounds like you need your tyres rotated, son. Just for you Fatty, truer words were never spoken : Red Headed Woman - Bruce Springsteen Well brunettes are fine man And blondes are fun But when it comes to getting a dirty job done I'll take a red headed woman A red headed woman It takes a red headed woman To get a dirty job done Well listen up stud your lifes been wasted Till you've got down on your knees and tasted A red headed woman A red headed woman It takes a red headed woman To get a dirty job done Tight skirt, strawberry hair Tell me what you've got baby, waiting under there Big green eyes that look like, son They can see every cheap thing that you've ever done Well I don't know how many girls you've dated, man But you ain't lived till you've had your tyres rotated By a red headed woman A red headed woman It takes a red heade woman To get a dirty job done
Back off b**** by Guns n Roses "Back OFF b****" Oh baby, pretty baby Oh honey, you let me down honey I ain't playin' childhood games no more I said it's time for me to even the score So stake your claim, your claim to fame But baby call another neme When you feel the fire, and taste the flame Back off, back off b**** Down in the gutter dyin' in the ditch You better back off, back off b**** Face of an angel with the love of a witch Back off, back off b**** Back off, back off b**** Makin' love Cheap heartbreaker, broken backed, Nasty ballbreaker, stay out of my bed, outta my head If it's lovin' you, I'm better off dead Back off, back off b**** Down in the gutter dyin' in the ditch You better back off, back off b**** Face of an angel with the love of a witch Back off, back off b**** Back off, back off b**** Emotions ripped, gone on a binge Life lipped, I said you're off the hinge Tellin' lies of such fame and glory I don't even wanna hear your story Back off, back off b**** Down in the gutter dyin' in the ditch You better back off, back off b**** Face of an angel with the love of a witch Back off, back off b**** It's such a pity that you're such a b**** Back off, back off b**** It's time to burn-burn the witch Back off, back off b**** Back off, back off b**** Back off, back off b**** b**** b**** b**** b**** Hey wha'd'ya think he's tryin' to say there, anyway? I think it's something each person's s'posed to take in their own special way ****ing b****
Nick Cave - The Curse Of Millhaven Lyrics I live in a town called Millhaven And it's small and it's mean and it's cold If you come around just the sun goes down You'll watch the whole thing turn to gold It's around then that I used to go roaming La la la la La la la li All God's children, they all gotta die My name is Loretta, but I prefer Lottie I'm closing in on my 15th year If you think that you've seen a pair of eyes more green Then you sure haven't seen 'em around here Well my hair is yellow and I'm always a-combing La la la la La la la li My momma often told me that we all got to die You must have heard about the curse of Millhaven How last Christmas Bill Blakey's little boy didn't come home They found him the next week up in One Mile Creek With his head bashed in and his pockets full of stone Just imagine all the women moaning... La la la la La la la li Even Bill Blakey's boy, he had to die When Professor O'Rye from Millhaven High Found nailed to his door his prize winning Terrier The next day the old fool brought little Biko to school And we all had to watch as he buried her Well his euglogy to Biko had all the tears flowing La la la la La la la li Even God's little creatures, they have to die Well our little town fell into a state of shock A lotta people were saying things that made little sense The next thing you know the head of handyman Joe Was found in the fountain of the Mayor's residence Well foul play can really get a small town going La la la la La la la li Even God's children, they have to die In a cruell twist of fate, old Mrs. Colegate Was stabbed but the job was not complete Well the last thing she said, before the cops pronounced dead Was, "My killer is Loretta and she lives across the street" Well twenty cops burst through my door without even phoning... La la la la La la la li The young ones, the old ones, they've all got to die Yes, it is I Lottie the curse of Millhaven I've struck horror in the heart of this town Like my eyes ain't green and my hair ain't yellow, It's more like the other way around I've got a pretty little mouth underneath all the foaming La la la la La la la li Sooner of later we've all got to die Since I was no bigger than a weavil They've been saying I was evil That if bad was a boot then I would fit it That I'm a wicked young lady, but I've been trying hard lately Aww **** it, I'm a monster I admit it Well, it makes me so mad that my blood starts a-going La la la la La la la li Momma always told me that we all gotta die Well yeah, I drowned the Bailey kid, stabbed Mrs. Colgate I admit Did the handyman with that circular saw in his garden shed But I never crucified little Biko, that was completely highschool psychos Stinky Bo Hoon and his friend with the pumpkin sized head I sing to the lot, now that you got me going La la la la La la la li All God's children, they've all got to die Then there're all of the others, all our sister and brothers You assumed were accidents best forgotten Recall the children who broke through the ice on lake Tahoo Everyone assumed the warning signs had followed them to the bottom Well they're underneath the house where I've required a bit of stowing La la la la La la la li Even twenty little children, they had to die And the fire in '91 that raised the Bellavista slum That was the biggest **** fire this country's ever seen Insurance companies ruined, landlords getting sued All cause of a wee little girl with a can of gasoline Well those flames really roared when the wind started blowing La la la la La la la li The rich man and the poor man, they all gotta die Well I confessed to all these crimes and they put me on trial I was laughing when they took me away Off to the asylum in an old black Mariah Well it ain't home but, ya know, it's better than jail It ain't such a bad old place to happy home in La la la la La la la li All God's children, they all gotta die Now I got shrinks who will not rest with their endless Rorsach tests I keep telling them that I think they're out to get me They ask me if I feel remorse And I say well of course, there's so much more I could have done if they'd let me So it's Rorsach and prozaak and everything is groovy La la la la La la la li All God's children, they all gotta die La la la la La la la li I'm happy as a lark now, and everything is fine La la la la La la la li Everything is groovy, everything is fine La la la la La la la li All God's children, they gotta die
hey, you're a crazy b****, but you **** so good i'm on top of it when i dream i'm doin' you all night scratches all down my back to keep me right on
Ok, no song but my ex is a tad bit touched in the head sometimes. Last night when I was dropping off my kids at her house I saw the card table that my ex mother in law had borrowed from me. So, I picked it up and she said thanks for letting me use it, then my ex said, is that ours from when we were married? ( we got divorced 7 years ago) I said yes and she asked me how I got it, I barley got any furniture, I got the big tv and the stereo. WTF???? She got the washer/dryer, fridge, bedroom furniture, livingroom furniture, and part of my paycheck every other week, and she asks me about a card table and chairs.
That IS crazy, Austin70. It doesn't get crazier than this: http://video.download.com/3800-11166_53-7673.html?tag=vdl_cntnt_col1_yjw_name Or this:
Jim Croce Roller Derby Queen Gonna tell you a story that you wont believe But I fell in love last friday evenin With a girl I saw on a bar room t.v. screen Well I was just gettin ready to get my hat When she caught my eye and I put it back And I ordered myself a couple o more shots and beers The night that I fell in love with a roller derby queen Round and round, oh round and round The meanest hunk o woman That anybody ever seen Down in the arena She was five foot six and two fifteen A bleached-blonde mama With a streak of mean She knew how to knuckle And she knew how to scuffle and fight And the roller derby program said That she was built like a fridgerator with a head Her fans call her tuffy But all her buddies called her spike You know that I fell in love with a roller derby queen Round and round, oh round and round The meanest hunk o woman That anybody ever seen Down in the arena Round and round, go round and round Round and round, go round and round Round and round Well I could not help it But to fall in love With this heavy-duty woman I been speakin of Things looked kind of bad Until the day she skated into my life Well she might be nasty She might be fat But I never met a person Who would tell her that Shes my big blonde bomber My heavy handed hackensack mama You know that I fell in love with a roller derby queen Round and round, oh round and round The meanest hunk o woman That anybody ever seen Down in the arena Round and round, go round and round Round and round, go round and round Round and round
