If you like a girl but knows that she prefers someone else, should you fight for her affections? First, some background. There is this girl in my circle of friends who has always been pretty friendly with me. While we do some light flirting on and off, I know for certain that she likes a mutual friend of ours a lot more. I even think they've gone out on a couple of dates but just didn't tell me because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I've asked this girl out before but she said "no" because she thought it would be awkward. We see each other at group functions (where the other guy also shows up) and that's about it. If I really wanted to, I can probably set up some alone time under the pretense of "just hanging out," but that feels dishonest. I'm not easily discouraged by these kind of things, and my first instinct is to pursue her and keep asking her out. However, I also feel that it is somewhat futile to fight for a girl's affections. I mean, if she doesn't like you after knowing you for six months (we hung out a lot in those six months), she's probably not going to change her mind right? Moreover, I've been on the other side of the equation before. When a girl I don't like tries to constantly get my attention (baking me cookies, calling me for no reason, asking me out), I get kind of annoyed. I don't want to do that to this girl. However, my friends tell me that girls *like* being pursued, so she won't be annoyed at all as long as I keep it light and friendly (read: no stalking). What do you guys think? Is it worth it to fight for a girl's affections? I don't love her or anything, but I sure think she's pretty neat.
I remember reading that most women will decide within 5 minutes of meeting you if you are romantic material for them. If she hasn't given you any obvious signals that she likes you in that way, I wouldn't "fight for her affection". Of course, she could be one of these old-fashioned or "Rules" women who try to never let any guy know their true feelings. If you really want to know, I would just ask her straight-up if there's a chance for something more than friends. But just having to ask that probably means your answer will be no.
I predict this thread will hit 3 pages by days end. Sounds like you've entered the dreaded 'friend zone'. Not a good place when you really like someone.
When you wrote 'fight' for her attention, I thought you might be asking for fighting advice. That's one of the services we provide here as well, you know.
For what it's worth....I know lots of happy couples where one of the two hated the other when they first met... Here's your question...do you think you'd regret not giving it an honest shot???
okay, i've read the entire thread now. Kick his ass. Cut him up. Steal his kidneys, and sell them on ebay. That's what I would do. Or if he drives a car, go to some asian grocery store, and buy some durian fruit, and put it in his car.
I remember that thread where someone asked for fighting advice about an upcoming rumble but never got back to us. Damn it! I'm not a great fighter or anything, but I can easily drop that guy like third period French. Like I said, he is a really nice guy and probably never had to defend himself in a fight in his life. I believe in that 5 minute thing. But does that mean their minds never change after that? And this is not all just about increasing my success with women. This is also about what kind of person do I want to be. Do I want to be a man who doesn't give up or a man who knows when to move on? Hmmm... she is always telling me what I'm doing wrong. Maybe that's a good sign. Thanks! Let's call that, plan B, shall we?
I'm not singling you out, but it always baffles me when people ask for relationship advice on the internet. Every situation is unique in and of itself depending on you and the other party's personalities so there's no standard "right thing" that some stranger can advise you on. Only you know how that girl really is. Besides, few of the responses are ever really sincere anyways.
LMAO, I didn't see that line initially. I don't know if it's better to tell a girl that she is pretty neat or that she kicks ass. God I love the Clutch BBS. What in the hell would I do with out it!
A lot of remarks are just smartass comments, which is cool, because people here are very funny and I like being cheered up. I know every situation is different, but I think it is helpful to see what other people have done in similar situations. If not for actual advice, then at least for the peace of mind of knowing that others have faced similar choices before. Besides, I can't ask my friends, because they know this girl (and the other guy), so it would make all our group outings uncomfortable if they knew this was going on.
You've been friend zoned. She's already seeing somebody else. There is nothing you can do in the immediate future. Go after somebody else. If she sees you and some other girl all over each other, she could get jealous. Good luck.
No, do not pursue. If there is any chance at all, acting like a desperate puppydog is going to destroy it. You can still be her friend, but don't contact her, flirt with her, or compliment her. That just makes you look needy, IMO. Yes, I tend to agree more with the Burzmali (sp?) way of thinking, but you don't have to do be a jerk or a-hole.
Hmmm. Interesting. I'm in the same situation, sorta. My friends and I met this girl who bartends a couple of months ago. Very attractive and nice. After a while, I asked for her #, and she gave it to me. Then I initially texted her to ask her out, and she said that she was interested in one of my friends. I didn't let that stop me from persuing her, although the broken leg put a crimp in my dating, obviously. We'd pretty much all go up and see her on Sunday. Eventually, she started hanging out with my group. Flash to three weeks ago, during Memorial Day. We all went to a lakehouse. She went up to my friend and they started hanging out during the first night. So much so, that I pulled my friend aside and told him to back off. However, after we talked, I realized that it wasn't my friend's or the girls fault. Feelings are feelings. So, I backed off. She and I talked a lot that weekend, but I stopped the romantic innuendos. Flash to this weekend. My foot had pretty much healed, so I started dating again last week. Went into her bar Sunday, and she was behaving much differently. You kinda just know, I guess. Anyway, after her shift was over, we all went over to Pub Fiction to watch the game. Again, about ten of us, all being friendly. Then at the end of the night as we were saying our goodbyes, she leaned in and kissed me. Now even I'm confused...
