[Relationships] Getting out of a bad long-term one...

eh... I don't think she ever listens to me anyway.

 

i know someone who was in a similar situation. she got her apt ready, packed her stuff, loaded up the car, and when her husband came home from work just told him she was moving out, and poof she was gone.

 

Isabel, what Manny said...Think of it...We all in one way shape or form, sin...In doing so, we ask for forgiveness...It's the same principle...As long as you believe in your heart that you are forgiven, nothing else matters...

As for breaking the news, just tell him tonight and don't waste your time going over why you shouldn't as he'll talk you out of it...Be straight and to the point and just do it...For the love of god, just move out...

 

I'm fairly certain Hallmark has a "Deadbeat Husband" section.

If you can't break the news, let a well known cartoon character do it.

 

You have until noon on Friday to contact the electric company.

 

Howabout because you made an adult decision to move on with your life (and allow him to move on with his) and that you really can't go back now, even if you wanted to? Forget the morality of the issue, you make a choice and you live with the consequences, end of story.

 

Here's a good reason to turn on the electricity in the new apartment, Isabel:

You're miserable.

Here's another:

He is too.

Here's a reason to do it right now:

You are single-handedly prolonging your misery and his. Nothing has any chance of improving until you do what you know you have to do. Every day you don't you rob yourself and him of any chance at happiness.

How to do it? Just do it. In person, by note, by phone or by email. It doesn't matter. Tell him you're unhappy, that you've done everything in your power to fix it and it's not going to work. Tell him you're leaving, that it's not going to change, that it's non-negotiable and that you would like to be friends but that won't be possible unless he accepts the fact that it's over.

I seriously can't believe you've put yourself and him through this for more than a year after you knew for sure it would never work out.

 

LOL!!! I especially like the adjustment to the quote! Nice touch!

 

adlibbing here a little bit...

Isabel: What do I do, Reverend?
Reverend: Get a divorce.
Isabel: Isn't that against what the Bible preaches?
Reverend: Isabel, have you actually EVER read this thing? (holds up the Bible) Technically, we aren't even able to go to the bathroom according to it.

 

Don't be a martyr, and don;t let guilt affect your decision. The sooner you do this, the sooner the healing process can begin. Don't be afraid of what might be. Take action on the present.

 

Women do it to themselves.

Some men can be artificial, short-sighted, deceitful. Some men look for easy sex. Some men have no problem preying on the weak and vulnerable to satisfy their own needs. But their partners allow this behavior to happen. You cannot fault someone for trusting initially, for falling in love with the wrong person, for beleiving someone to be something their not becuase you trusted (or wanted to beleive) what they say and do to you. But the minute you recognize you are being decieved, the responsiblity falls on you to deal with the issue, whether that is communication or walking away. Too many women are willing to rationalize these faults because of someone insecurity or fear within themselves. They abdicate responsibility for what is happening to them, instead blaming him or some other divine force and then feel guilty/down on themselves for sticking around with party at fault or situation but can't escape becuase they don't know how. Knowing how would mean accepting responsibility and allowing trusting yourself enough to start making decisions.

I wouldn't presume every situation to be the same but this a common thread I see among a lot of my female friends and its a bit perplexing becuase these are not incapable, bumbling idiots but people far smarter and capable than I could ever hope to be.

 

Isabel,

You never know. Moving out doesn't necessarily mean it's over. Maybe that's what Ferdinand needs to snap out of whatever funk he's in. He's really had no other reason to do it. You getting your own place would be that reason.

rrj_gamz is correct though. We all sin. That's why Jesus died for us. People get divorced everyday for any reason under the sun. You've got to do what's best for both of you.

But, I won't give you a timetable.

 

Maybe I've missed it, but have you 2 ever gone to a good counselor? A really good one that you both respect?

 

It's going to be awfully dark in there at night if you don't.

 

But remember...the night is always darkest before the light...or something like that.

 

Just be sure and listen to lots and lots of country music right before you make the call.

 

I hate giving this option given the state he's in, but there are also trial seperations for him to realize how much he needs you and determine how many sacrifices he'll make for you.

Of course, that might be long over, but being firm and totally dismissing life in the relationship are two different things....