So I'm very very ticked off, and the reason surrounds the girl I'm dating, though this really isn't a girl advice thread. I'll try to explain succinctly, since I know no one likes to read 5-page posts. Basically, her ex-bf who she was with on and off for about a year pretty much abused her in every way imaginable. She ended up putting up with it because her parents were divorcing at the time, and basically many other very very ****ty things were going on in her life, and losing the little intimacy she got from him was something that was too tough for her to take at the time, on top of everything else. This guy took advantage of that in pretty much every way you can dream up. And yes, I've dated girls who have been in ****ty relationships before... but this is different. She's freakin' traumatized by it. Sooo... that's the reason I'm angry. My problem is that I know this guy's name, I know what he looks like, and I could easily find out where he lives... and I feel an overwhelming urge to go find him and introduce a baseball bat to his head, or something similar. So the advice I need is this: are there any good ways to blow off steam in this situation, that you guys know of? I mean, about the only physical activities I do are lots of basketball and occassionally running. I don't really feel like either of those is gonna calm me down much.
Buy a punching bag. I used to have one when I took tae kwon do and that helped A LOT! good way of visualizing and releasing aggression. Basketball is great too if you play inside but i feel bad for giving 'bows to innocent victims in the paint.
Scream. That, or take something that you can live without and demolish it. Kinda like Michael Bolton and the fax machine.
how about dropping the girl? i know that sounds cruel, but she may be more trouble than it's worth down the road.
I'm sure that's going to help the girl. "Hi, I like you and all, but you were abused in the past, so I'm just going to drop you. Keep that self-esteem high!"
well..it kinda sounds like he cares for her...i realize that you crazy kids today only see relationships for what they can do for you...but there's another aspect to it, too! drexlerfan: 1. don't do him harm. you know it's not right...that's why you're posting about it. 2. if you do him harm, it may have unintended consequences that hurt your girlfriend even worse. 3. i say all this firmly believing that you've already arrived at the conclusions of 1 and 2, above. but in case you needed someone else to reinforce it, there it is. don't mean to be preachy. 4. meet your feelings head on. but don't harbor them. don't give hate a place to camp inside you. it's not good for you. again with the preaching?? sorry!!!
You are only getting ONE side to the story....... It could all be a lie....... Just love her, and she will get over it...people are resilient. DD
Since I don't know Drexlerfan22 personally, I'm not sure the specific way the relationship is helping him. However, based on his reaction to how she was treated, it appears that he cares greatly for this girl.
i'm sure he cares for her. but as teh relationship progresses and he becomes more of a therapist than a boyfriend, he may start to resent her. i sincerely hope and wish he and the girl develop a healthy relationship. it's hard enough to be a wonderful couple w/o baggage. this "traumatization" only adds to the difficulty. if he can deal with it, then more power to him.
Why don't you do some bench presses? Take it out on the weights. Go get a free 2 week membership somewhere and beat up their machines and weights if you don't have access. Or, go see a psychologist if you have anger issues that need to be dealt with. If you confront this guy, then be prepared for the consequences...bat or no bat. He may kick your ass or worse if he is a violent person. Then, you can get him in jail and press charges...if you surive. Or, lay it on him if your stronger. If you do confront him, then your anger has won. Don't let your anger make you do something stupid and out-of-character. If your girlfriend couldn't deal with it when it was happening, then don't feel like you have to deal with it after the fact regardless of how messed up your girl is. Get her some professional help.
Sounds like he is pretty happy with the girl, hense the desire to boil the offending ex'es gonads. Just content yourself with the happy thoughts that the jerkwad has done all the damage he can do...because if he ever so much as sneezes in her direction. Then you can pound him into malt o meal.
My wife had an ex-boyfriend I wanted to take a bat to. I looked him up once even. But, physical distance and my own timidity kept anything from ever happening. And the offense is probably not as bad, given your description. It's been over a decade now, and I still want to beat him to death with a baseball bat, but not as strongly as I used to. Your girlfriend can recover from the trauma. You may want to channel your energies into helping her instead of seeking retribution, which will only cause you both more trouble (as sweet as it may be).
Look at the responses to this thread. The first two were good ones (about the punching bag and demolishing stuff, which pretty much answered the question about taking out aggression). Then it went downhill. Everyone seems to think it's so cute to say "take sexual advantage of the girl" or "drop her, she'll be nothing but drama". Which doesn't say much about the character of this board. Put your energy into loving and caring for the girl whenever possible. This is a way to put your energy into something positive. I'm sure you're already doing that.
I'm seeing this girl and she just might be out of her mind Well she's got baggage and it's all the emotional kind She talks about closure and that validation bit I don't mean to be insensitive, but I really hate that sh*t And I said yeah, yeah Oh man she's got issues And I'm gonna pay Yeah, yeah She thinks she's the victim Yeah -- The Offspring
Great advice. Something to keep in mind, too is that even if you don't do anything, talking about doing anything like that around your girl may scare her. While you have her best intentions in mind and you want to defend her, after being in such a horrible and abusive relationship, she may see your anger as a warning sign of future abusiveness on your part. I was in a very similar situation with my last girlfriend and I entertained very similiar thoughts that you are currently experiencing. It's only natural when you hear stories about the woman you love being treated in that manner. I found that the best thing to do was to refocus that energy on her, much like Isabel said. Do your best to show her what a healthy relationship is all about.
Drexlerfan22, If you act on your violent impulses, that reflects on you not the other guy. BTW this guy will eventually get his due. What comes around goes around. BTW2 beating the living sh*t out of this guy will not fix the other guy's problem.
