Some may recall I had a baby almost 10 months ago. She's now almost 10 months old, right on schedule. Since I know there are a number of seasoned fathers on the boards, I was hoping for some advice on baby sleep. Lydia was a good sleeper until she was perhaps 7 months old. She has fallen into a pattern now of falling asleep around 8 pm, waking at midnight, waking at around 3 am, and waking again at around 5 am. We all get up at 7 am. This pattern is getting more and more untenable and I aim to fix it for good. Especially now that she seems to think it's playtime during at least one of those wakeful periods. Except for new-agey books that argue that babies should do whatever they want, the advice seems to be pretty universally that you need to force the baby into the proper sleep schedule by letting them cry it out. You put them to sleep at the appointed time and then just don't let them out again until the morning. My problem is with the mechanics of this exercise. If anyone has tried it, I'm looking for advice on that. So, if the baby cries for 2 straight hours, do you still leave them alone? What about 8 straight hours? Do you check on them every so often (without picking them up)? I find that doing so re-energizes Lydia and her hopes that my resolve will eventually falter goes up. But, if I don't check up on her, how do I know there isn't a serious problem? Like the time she stood up in her crib, balling, and then fell down and smacked her head on the crib rail? Or the time she chewed her fingers with anxiety so badly she drew blood? Should I just let her take the injuries? Put mits on her? How do I manage to tolerate multiple consecutive nights of this without smothering her when I'm already sleep deprived? Advice, anyone?
I'd get a cheap wireless camera and put it in her room and hook it up to your computer so you can keep an eye on her from afar. (Sorry, not a father just an IT guy who is always thinking in techie)
We thought our son was the greatest baby ever because he started sleeping through the night in a relatively short period of time (perhaps 6-8 weeks). But, at about 8-9 months he started a pattern of waking in the middle of the night. We just dealt with it. One of us would wake up and feed him and hold him for a while (editorial note: remember to treasure those moments). He eventually grew out of it once he really started eating more solid food.
Our babies were good sleepers, generally. The times they got up...i just got up, held them for a bit,maybe watched TV for while and held them...and then they were fine. So long as the 'ups' are not too long, just take turns with your wife as to who gets up until she learns to sleep longer. Or move a bed into Lydia's room so you're both not wakened up, and so that when Lydia stirs, she can see she's not alone. By the time she's in her teens, she'll be sleeping twelve hours straight And later, you'll be getting up at midnight...then 3am... just to see if she's home!!!! Don't know that I could stomach more than about 10 minutes of screaming...
Two good bits of advice. I picked up a wireless infrared lowlight baby camera at Target for about $100.00. Great peace of mind. If you don't want to lift the child, you can lay him down and stroke the baby's back or hair until calm...the baby may be going through some separation anxiety. Let your baby know that you;re there, but you;re not going to lift him. You still have to be awake for it though... Good Luck.
My son did that as well at about the same age. I read somewhere that as he/she starts to crawl, pull themselves up, walk, etc; that they are so anxious to do these things (even in thier sleep) that they will wake themselves up. We basically tried to get him as active during the day as possible so, by bedtime, he would be too tired to want to do anything else. It seemed to work some. And, just like someone else posted, letting them know you are there without picking them up. It help to also find something, preferrably with some soothing music, that they really like and relaxes them. With us, it was a big, plush Talking Tad doll made by LeapFrog. It has a mode for bedtime and he even learned the hand starts it and he pushes it as he lays down. My son is almost 20 months old now and he sleeps perfectly through the night from about 10-9 everyday and has even gotten to the point where he wants to go to bed and puts himself to sleep. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he cries but once he realizes we are not coming, he puts himself back to sleep. Just be patient and try not to kill her, as hard as it is not to sometimes.
We are pretty much at the same point with our 9 month old. we do the cry out thing to an extent. we check on him every 5-10 minutes. we do not pick him up but we do lay him back in the bed and pat his back until he calms down. then we leave him for 5-10 more minutes. He eventually goes to sleep and once we see that that happens we stop the checking. We have also noticed that his sleeping is afeected by his before bed bottle. If he takes 8 ounces then most nights he will sleep through until 6-7 am. If he takes less than 8 then he usually wakes up in th emiddle of the night once or twice. At those times we try not to pick him up, but to pat him and get him settles down. Itwas really bad for the 3 weeks we were displaced after the hurricane. We had a hard time getting him to sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time some nights. That was mainly due to him being uncomfortable with the situation and also not sleeping in his bed.
Thanks for the input everyone. Reading responses, I realize there was something I neglected to mention. Lydia despises the crib. Generally, we get her to sleep and then lay her in. She refuses to be comforted while in the crib. It used to be that I could calm her down when she woke up and put her back to sleep. Now, I have to pick her up, take her out of the room, calm her down, get her to sleep and then put her back in the crib. Her dislike of the crib is probably my biggest obstacle in keeping her asleep.
My first daughter, ( who was born late Oct. of 93, my Rockets good luck charm for 2 years) we rocked her to sleep every night. Then at about 5-6 months we just put her to bed and we had no problems. My second daughter we let her fall asleep on her own every night, she cried every once in a while but all in all no probs.
Reduce the naps during the day. If possible, take the mattress out of the crib, put it on the floor, and let her sleep there. You might put her in your bed for awhile, as a last resort. She might be waking up, feeling all alone, and protesting. Sleeping with your baby is also a good form of birth control
I just went to try putting the mattress on the floor and she was happy to sit on it without crying! That's a start... I'll keep you guys posted.
The worst mistake some people make (including my wife and I) is nursing the baby to sleep. You have to get the kid to a point where he doesn't need anything to make him fall asleep. We learned that the hard way. We did the cry it out at about 7 months after it became way to frustrating to nurse him to sleep and try to get him into his crib without waking him up. First night was WAY rough. We were told to check on him every 20-30 mins while he was wailing, just to make sure he had his binky, blanket and animals (he would throw them all out). Eventually, he cried himself to sleep. Second night was better, but still a lil rough. Third night, he only cried for 10 mins. Fourth night, went to sleep instantly, and has ever since. Im glad we did cry it out. I have a few friends that have their babies sleep with them in bed and/or nurse them to sleep. I keep telling them to get out of that habit before its too late!!
I've heard the same story as Codell's from friends with the same results. Glad I didn't have to go through it. Just be extra friendly to your neighbours if you're in an appartment...
The worst mistake some people make (including my wife and I) is nursing the baby to sleep. I would not call it a mistake. Our son got nursed or had a bottle for his first two years. It was part of his bedtime routine. As he got older he got quicker in finishing off the bottle and falling to sleep. Somewhere around two he lost interest and did not need a bottle to go down at night. Every kid is different. People with kids need to find what works for them and stick with it.
Hi Juan and famille: There is a nice book by Jodi Mindell called Sleeping Through The Night that addresses those inevitable regressions - it is is a more humane-feeling Ferber-type method. Basically, you go in after five minutes of crying, then ten, then fifteen, until she pipes down. Next night, you being at ten minutes, then fifteen, etc. You go in and just soothe brifely and assure lil' Lydia that everything is okay. But there is more to it than that; if she was good through the night before but something changed, there may be some other suggestions. All babies have their rough patches, even once they have it down. That attatchment parenting "kiss your kid's ass 24/7 never guide them" stuff just got dinged by the American Pediatric folks as being unhealthy - to me, it really plays on guilt and fear and an unphisticated understanding of the human psyche, but that's just me. some people swear by it, people i know and respect, god bless 'em. but it is stylistic thing, i suppose. Try the Mindell book if you are interested, that one was the perfect one for us, little benje is sleeping 7 to 7 now - actually too long, we dont get to play with him enough during weekdays. he is seven months now. he has a rescue squad shirt that is kick ass. kisses to nice lydia, i hope she gets through it, it absolutely sucks listening to your kid cry at night, it is just the worst. best to you and your wife...
I wonder how you can differentiate a dislike of the crib with not wanting to laydown and sleep anywhere but your shoulder...or by one of you? Anyway, we did the Ferber...or maybe revised Ferber. There are two similar methods, but one does not advocate picking them up to comfort them. We didn't like that approach. So we would lift our baby to comfort her/him, tell her everything was ok, and then place her right back in the crib. We felt that you don't want them to feel abandoned. Later on as you continue to ween them off of this support, just listen to the type of cry. That gives you clues as to whether they need the comfort or to let them cry a while. Also, get into a pattern of a pre-sleep routine, and start communicating it the baby beforehand. We started that early with our second and it has been great: 'ok, we're going to sit in the rocker, read 2 books, then mommy will put you in your crib, sing one song, say goodnight and then leave so you can go to sleep...mommy will be right outside your door if you need me'. Good luck!
I would think its not a dislike of the crib at all, but rather, a preference to be nursed/rocked to sleep. Thats why I've always read/heard from pediatricians thats its important to teach your baby/infant the ability to go to sleep on their own without any type of assistance. Thats exactly what we do. I think a good, solid routine is the best thing to get established as early as possible. A good friend of mine kind of lets his 9 month old dictate when/where they go to sleep. Coincidentally, his son has no semblance of a sleep pattern or night time schedule, and is up at all and infrequent hours of the night.
