Yes, kids, this is a joke thread. The following joke was forwarded to me this morning, and IMHO it's just too good not to share. If it offends you, I apologize. If you enjoy it, you're welcome! ********************************************* One day in the future, George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Bush took this in disbelief but finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go." ------------------ "Blues is a Healer" --John Lee Hooker
That might well be the funniest joke I've heard in MANY years. ------------------ stop posting my damn signature
OK, Equal time for us non-satanic individuals... George W. dies and ends up in heaven. At the pearly gates, he says to St. Peter, "Say, is Moses around today? I've always wanted to meet him....He was my favorite bible character." St. Peter says, "Sure, Moses is over there...third cloud on your left..." George W. walks up to Moses and tries to start a conversation with him, but Moses just turns his head in silence...For almost ten minutes, George W. tries and tries, but Moses won't say a single word...Finally, he turns to Moses's brother, Aaron... "Yo Aaron, whats up with your brother? He won't say a single thing to me?", George W. Said... "You'll have to forgive him", said Aaron, "but the last time he talked to a bush, he had to walk in the desert for forty years......" ------------------ If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding!!
Good one, A-Train. Here is another: A man dies and goes up to heaven. At the pearly gates with St. Peter, there is a large wall with thousands upon thousands of clocks lining it. Each one shows a different time. The man asks St. Peter, "Why are all these clocks here, and why do they all show different times?" St. Peter explains that each clock represents a human, and that each one progresses one second for each lie that human tells. St. Peter points out Abraham Lincoln's clock, and George Washington's clock, showing that they had only progressed a few minutes combined. The man, on a whim, asks, "Say, where is Bill Clinton's clock?" St. Peter answers, "Oh, that one is in Jesus's office, he uses it as a ceiling fan." ------------------ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Oh I know one about heaven Three Priests go to buy train tickets to Wittsville . When they get to the window they see a young woman dressed in very kinky clothing and are embarresed about it . One Priest says , "Okay here's what were going to say , Young lady , I'd like three one way tickets to Wittsville , I want the change in nickles and dimes , and if you go to heaven wearing that , St. Peter is going to shake his finger at you! The first priest goes to the window and says "Young Lady , I'd like three one way wickets to 'Titsville'" , being embarrased he runs back to the other two . The second priest goes up and says , "Young lady I'd like three one way tickets to Wittsville and I would like the change in Nipples and Dimes" being embarassed the second priest runs back to the other two . Finally the third goes up and says "Young Lady I would like three one way tickets to Wittsville , I would like the change in nickels and dimes , And if you go to heaven wearing that St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you!" ------------------ The Rocket Saint ST.eve Francis of a CC.net [This message has been edited by moestavern19 (edited May 22, 2001).]
