I got this in my mailbox the other day and found it pretty amusing. Since I'm a Canadian that is posting on a U.S-based site frequented by several Aussies, I thought some of you might find a chuckle over this as well. * Please keep in mind the below does not in any way or form represent the views of the poster. Ausssies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 5 channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them. Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box. Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other fans. Canadians: Prefer to actually engage in sports rather than watch them. Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball. Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby. Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball. Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in. Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English." Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English." Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans. Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate," and a heavy accent to everything they say Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country. Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country. Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer. Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer. Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss. Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it. Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens. Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens. Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian. Aussies: Wollow on about how some of their past citizens were once outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers. Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers. Canadians: Encourage immigrants to keep their old ways and avoid assimilation. Americans: Encourage immigrants to assimilate quickly and dump their old ways. Brits: Encourage immigrants to go to Canada or America. Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it. Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it. Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less. Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means. Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious. Canadians: Have produced many great comedians, like John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV. Americans: Think that these people are American! Brits: Have produced many great comedians, but Americans ignore them because they don't understand subtle humor. Azim da Dream ------------------ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. http://www.clutchtown.com
Oh my, I just love it. What a laugh, and so true! ------------------ The Protrolls.com message boards! Protrolls.com! Don't visit my site.
LOL!! Except I don't think anybody west of the Sault gives a rip about the Blue Jays. We certainly don't brag about them. There may not have been a single Canadian on either of those teams anyway (Ducey?). ------------------
mmmmm Beer ------------------ "The things I enjoy most, I suck at: 1) Sex: everything's fine until she makes noises." - Achebe
No responses from Americans yet; where are they? ------------------ NBA Draft Lottery is May 20th. Start praying now.
Living in Calgary at the time, there was actually a big deal being made about how the Jays represented Canada against the other 26 U.S teams. It was a pretty big thing, especially to do it twice in a row. It would have been a three-peat for Canada, as the strike of '94 prevented the Expos from taking it all that year. As for you West coasters, I think the Rockies have a tendency of isolating you guys a little bit. Band Geek: "John Candy wasn't an American? No man, Mike Myers isn't one either, and neither was Phil Hartman (may he rest in peace). They're Canadian, eh? Azim da Dream ------------------ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. http://www.clutchtown.com
Sorry dude. Neither is Bryan Adams. Or Celine Dion. Or Shania Twain. Or Nelly Furtado. Its all good though, if it upsets you, you can call them American. Just please, for the love of god, don't destory us!! Azim da Dream ------------------ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. http://www.clutchtown.com
I actually don't think too many Americans think of entertainers as being anything but that -- entertainers. I haven't found anybody sitting around saying "Damn he's funny, must be American". ------------------ NBA Draft Lottery is May 20th. Start praying now.
You can keep those two if you like. ------------------ Charles Barkely on the Raptors defeating the Knicks in Round 1 :"I think it was the Lord. The Lord was with the Raptors. You know the Knicks like to talk so much about religion, but I think the Lord was a Raptor fan."
Word up. Now that was a baseball team. They were rocking. It was so sad that they never got the opportunity to win. ------------------ My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel boy.
Perhaps the "Centre of the Universe" phenomenon wasn't as clearly understood and derided at the time. I live in Calgary now and, as you probably know, we're having trouble getting rid of our AAA team … and we practically have to spit to clear our mouths after we utter the name Toronto. (j/k) BTW, have you ever checked out http://www.thecentreoftheuniverse.com/ ? ------------------
It wasn't funny the first time, but you keep going. Man, you are definitely not funny! ------------------ NBA Draft Lottery is May 20th. Start praying now.
For all of their disdain towards Americans, I would like to see where any of these countries would be without the United States. Sprechen Sie Deutsch? ------------------ You can't stick a porcupine in a barn, light it on fire, and expect to get licorice.
