Childhood "truths"

in elementary school, i thought a boner was some kind of bonus you get when you play video games. Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man and Donkey Kong were big back then. and I had just moved to the US a few years before, so what did I know.

 

Here is my infamous quote, probably somewhere around 3rd or 4th grade.

Friend: "He got a boner right in front her. She could see it too."
PSJ : "Ha ha, and what if she gets a boner too, that would be freakin hilarious."

Good times. I have yet to live that down.

 

I don't mean this to sound flippant or rude, and I don't know if you were joking or not, but in all seriousness, did you like not have sex with your wife up until that point or did you do it blindfolded?

 

I remember when I was little telling my dad that steak was horrible and when I was older I would still like McDonald's burgers more than steak. He tells that story every Thanksgiving now...

 

Yea, the "boner" was a subject of much confusion for me during childhood. One time, a friend stuck one of those large floaties that you use in the pool in between his legs and said "look, I have a boner." I was horrified. I thought it was some sort of tail that would grow on later in life. I wondered where adult men hid them but then realized this is why they always wore pants and we kids wore shorts.

 

Not too many guys stare directly at a vagina. Most of us are too busy.

 

My dad tricked me into thinking that if ate my ear wax, I would become mute and lose my voice forever....I remember that for quite some time, I had a fear of ear wax, and was always aware and cautious when someone was picking their ear or something.

 

Well, this third hole is small and not readily apparent. No danger of, ummm, sticking anything into it. Just as well. You guys apparently have enough trouble picking the right one of the other two holes. (The trouser snake might have one eye, but it's still blind.)

For a funny story about someone who didn't know what something was:

I went to college with this guy who had spent the last several years in a British boarding school for boys. He hadn't been around women as much. Our freshman year, we took P.E. at 8:00 in the morning. We were all sitting around the bleachers, sleepy, waiting for our instructor to come start class. We were tired and nobody was really talking. Someone had left a (wrapped, unused) tampon on the bleachers. My male friend picked it up and asked me what it was.

Normally, I would tell him, but not in front of everybody like this. It wasn't enough for me to say, "Oh no, I can't believe somebody left that lying around."

"But what is it?"

"I'll tell you later. Really, I will." (in very quiet voice, insinuating that the subject should be dropped for now)

"But I want to know what it is." (holding it up to the light) "Playtex"


I feel bad that I never did end up explaining it to him. Guess he found out eventually. Oh well, when I was a kid, I saw commercials for them and never knew what they were for. I just didn't think much about it.

 

one time my friend told his mother that he needed some vagisil for his itchy feet because it "really kills the itch"

All of laughed at him for a good 10 minutes.

 

Well, if they weren't so damn close together...

...or maybe we are just tryin' to slip one by you.

 

I used to think when I watched a baseball game on tv that the umpire must have somehow caught every foul ball because after the ball was hit foul, the umpire threw the pitcher the ball back.

 

I used to think "puto" was spanish for duck...

I was cussing like a sailor at the zoo pond!!!

 

I can't think of any off the top of my head outside of the cat/female, dog/male thing. However, a friend of mine thought douche meant to clean any general area, not just the vaginal area. He told his girlfriend in 7th grade that she needed to douche because she had food stuck in her braces.

 

Does anyone remember the Young Indiana Jones episodes? I thought that doctored footage at the end of every episode was really from World War I, until I realised that it was just (sometimes) extra footage made to look old. I thought I was a cool 10 year old World War I buff at the time. Lol.

I also thought Santa (well, Sinterklaas in my case) was real till quite late on, maybe 7? My parents were cool in the way that they made elaborate schemes so we wouldn't find out. This changed during class one day when the teacher goes "okay, obviously everyone knows Santa isn't real so this year we will be making surprises for each other for Christmas". We all laughed at his comment (obviously we were all proud to know the "truth" and somehow thought it was cool). I laughed along with the others, when secretly my young heart was breaking inside. Well, not really, but I was like wtf!!!