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Which verse sounds better? (birthday poem for my grandmother)

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by fadeaway, Aug 11, 2005.

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What line should I use in my little poem?

  1. line 1: "A smile from you and many more"

    6 vote(s)
    42.9%

  2. line 2: "A day of joy, and many more"

    6 vote(s)
    42.9%

  3. alternate suggestion -- post below

    2 vote(s)
    14.3%
  1. fadeaway

    fadeaway Member

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    I'm writing a short little birthday poem for my grandmother's birthday card. She'll be turning 76. Here is what I have:


    Birthdays are a time to treasure
    Happy times and simple pleasures
    So on this day I'm wishing for
    ...............

    I'm not sure about the last line yet. I have come up with two options:

    1. A smile from you, and many more
    2. A day of joy, and many more (or, "a joyful day")

    I want to keep the "and many more" part because she's old and I want to express that I hope she sticks around a good while longer.

    Any opinions or alternate suggestions?
     
    #1 fadeaway, Aug 11, 2005
  2. Fatty FatBastard

    Fatty FatBastard Member

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    I went with "other"

    I like:

    Birthdays are a time to treasure
    Happy times and simple pleasures
    So on this day I'm wishing for
    A bottle of wine and a $10 w****.
     
    #2 Fatty FatBastard, Aug 11, 2005
  3. RocketMan Tex

    RocketMan Tex Member

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    Reminds me of my favorite:

    Look out teeth
    Look out gums
    Look out liver
    Here it comes

    And Fatty....due to inflation....I really don't think you want to have ANYTHING to do with a $10 w****!

    :D
     
    #3 RocketMan Tex, Aug 11, 2005
  4. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Member

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    Yeah, fadeaway, I think including that "other" option in your poll is going to present a problem, given the kind of pervs (myself included) residing on this site. :D
     
    #4 ima_drummer2k, Aug 11, 2005
  5. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    wow 76, she's been through WW2, childbirth, Cuban Missle Crisis, Korea, Vietnam, Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, menopause, Desert Storm, 9/11....


    you better write her a good ****ing poem.
     
    #5 moestavern19, Aug 11, 2005
  6. MR. MEOWGI

    MR. MEOWGI Contributing Member

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    Birthdays are a time to treasure
    Happy times and simple pleasures
    So on this day I'm wishing for
    You not getting many bed sores.
     
    #6 MR. MEOWGI, Aug 11, 2005
  7. Fatty FatBastard

    Fatty FatBastard Member

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    It's more in the visual...

    Fade-"Granny, (sniff), I wrote a poem for your birthday."

    Granny-"oh, you sweetie... go ahead"

    Fade- "(ahem)-Birthdays... are... a time to treasure"

    (Granny smiles)

    Fade-"Happy times and simple pleasures"

    (Granny sniffs)

    Fade-"So on this day I'm wishing for"

    (Granny tears up)

    Fade-"A bottle of wine and a $10 w****"

    (Granny suddenly becomes appalled!)

    Fade- "Alright boys.... KICK IT!"

    (The Bolshoi cover band surrounds Granny)

    "When you were at school you were a bunny
    The Boy's all loved you, and loved your money
    The boys would stare, you'd cross your legs, and then you'd toss your hair,

    AWAyyyyyyy
    Yes You'll get by
    Awwwwaaaayyyyyy!"


    (Sorry, the last part was due to his poem sounding a lot like the first lyric in the Bolshoi song)
     
    #7 Fatty FatBastard, Aug 11, 2005
  8. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    Yo so listen up it b like dis

    Maw****in' Burfdeyz is da time to trea-zha
    Crunk-Azz Times, wit sum simple-ass plea-zhas
    So on this day what a playa wishin fo'
    Iz a code-azz 40 from da liqour sto'
     
    #8 moestavern19, Aug 11, 2005
  9. SwoLy-D

    SwoLy-D Member

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    She's among the ELITE, your grandma. Congratulations to her. Other well-known 76ers:

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
    #9 SwoLy-D, Aug 11, 2005
  10. PhiSlammaJamma

    PhiSlammaJamma Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #10 PhiSlammaJamma, Aug 11, 2005
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