A lot of guys have difficulty with platonic friendships. They'll befriend women simply in hopes of the relationship developing into something more -- kinda wading in the water 'till it gets warm enough to swim. Most of the time these friendships/relationships fail because they were founded under false pretenses - the guy wanted the girl, not to get to know her. I think women foster this, be it because they're misled by the guy's intentions or they because these men are easily played. Its a lose/lose situation all around.
Love can be a wonderful thing, but also be a b*tch... Sorry to hear about that man, but you'll soon realize she wasn't the person you dreamed of...Just some skank hoe j/k...In all seriousness, its probably best you found out about this now than later on...
Well, it can turn into something good. I don't think it's necessarily bad... as long as he really does value the friendship. What hurts from the other perspective is to lose the friendship because he can't stand not being able to have a relationship right then. (especially in a situation where you might really want the relationship in the future, though it apparently doesn't apply to the case we're talking about here) Makes you wonder if he even wanted the "relationship" part of the relationship, or just to get into your pants. (Taking this a step beyond the situation posted here and talking about other similar situations that we've all been in at some point.)
Don't give up man! She might still love you. Girls get confused and she might be getting all of the wildness out of her before she settles down with you. Keep your fingers crossed and don't give up! She sounds like a real sweet girl. don't quit on her...she might be testing you!
man, i hate to argue...what am i saying, i love to argue...but it's very hard when your heart is broken to get over that and "just be friends." very hard. he clearly liked her more than just for "getting in her pants." if that were it, he wouldn't be "crushed."
No offense, Chance, but I think this is terrible advice. It's over. She pretty much told him that she wasn't and isn't into him. Time for MC to move on.
I don't think my sarcasm meter is that bad, but I guess it's broken today. Sorry about that. Ignore the above.
It takes two to make a relationship, whether it's romantic or whether it's a friendship. Any time you have a situation where people have conflicting goals for the relationship, you have a problem. Even if it's painful, sometimes it's better for the relationship to be ended if the goals for the relationship can't be satisfactorily reconciled. BTW, Isabel, you're going to be okay. Really. It's just going to take some time.
But that's part of my point -- there's no real friendship there...or whatever friendship exists is a by product of the man's desire to be with you. Its not so much an I want to get in your pants thing as a passive approach to dating. Of course this isn't global applicable. Some men are able to maintain platonic friendships. Sometimes love does grow out of friendships. In all cases it sucks when its not reciprocated.
i'm all for hopeless romanticism, but there's no chance Chance. she is testing him, but it's not to see if he'll stick around and be a girly boy. she is testing him to see if he'll be a man and act like one. in other words, as soon as he quits putting up with her BS, that's when she'll pay attention. EDIT: i read the following replies. apparently, you're kidding. please disregard.
True. I understand everyone not being able to get over that. As I said, it was more of a general statement and not strictly about this one guy's situation. (thanks Relativist ... as long as I don't ever get in anything approaching a relationship again, nor want to, I should be in great shape.) These things can be tricky. Some take time to resolve. On the other hand, sometimes (like our unfortunate friend Molotov Cocktail) too much time is invested and it doesn't even help. Anyway, guys, make sure to pick someone who will appreciate you for who you are and will not just use you. Also, someone who is honest about her life and tells you important things that you might want to know... at the time. For Molotov Cocktail: it sounds like maybe she was keeping her options open with you but ultimately decided not to. Not a very nice way to treat somebody, though, considering the amount of time involved. Sorry.)
Have I mentioned that I've been intrigued with Buddhism? Maybe we should go talk to Jeff (he's not Buddhist, but he's close enough) about how to renounce desire since we've embraced that life is suffering.
I have never been friends with a woman that is not married. And I don't think it is possible for most guys to be friends with women who are single. They either want a romantic relationship with them or they want to move on to one that will. It is that simple.
Macalu You will be better off if you follow my advice from page 1. Trust me. I've been there. I've tried handling it many different ways. I've been the "nice guy". I've heard the "let's just be friends" line. I've heard "You're such a great guy - I can't believe you're single... But I don't want to date you". TRUST ME. follow my advice from page 1.
Unfortunately, you can just chalk it up to "she just wasn't that into you." But you know what, it's ok....because after hearing what she told you, and understanding the true meaning and motive, you don't want nor need to be with someone like that anyway. Remain friends with her if you must, but only ONLY do it i you feel like you can let go of the possibility of a relationship with her. Otherwise, that thought and hope will forever be in the backdrop of your mind and heart. That will taint the true meaning of what is supposed to be a friendship. I'd let it go, and come back another day when (if) you are equipped to be a true friend. But be truthful with her as to what you are doing and why. Have you told her how what she told you made you feel? Sorry dude, but it's gonna be fine. Keep moving forward.
Tell her how that made you feel and say whatever you feel like saying. That never happens and it'll take her by surprise if you stay confident. Either you won't talk to each other for awhile, or she's the stormy type that wants you back. Whatever happens, you get a sense of control and some closure.
Thanks for all the replies and advice, everybody. It's helpful and it means a lot. This BBS is a tremendous amount of help when it comes to relationships It's definitely hard to invest so much time in somebody and come up empty. So now I'd like to ask for some more advice: I'm in a new city and while I know a few friends here, they're all either married or otherwise occupied. In your experiences, what's the best way to get out and circulate?
Get involved in things that interest you. If you like roller-skating, skate and find groups to skate with. If you like shooting pool, enter tournaments. If you like bowling, join a league. You get the idea. You'll accomplish many things: 1) get off your butt and get some good activity in your blood 2) might get in good shape (depending on what you like to do) 3) Might make some friends 4) might meet some single chicks
