[Relationships] How can you tell if a guy is interested...

Don't sell yourself short Homey. You are the smart, sensitive type that doesn't smoke or drink yet has a rock band!

 

Late reply - it's not fair to ask a guy to be a towel. Your girlfriends are supposed to be the towel. You can boo hoo or blow your nose on them. If a guy is dropped into that place where he's a sounding board for drama spirals or clean up duty, that sucks.

Guys have to be male. That's a good thing. You can laugh, and have fun, and enjoy sexual communication, which will be better with some than others.

You are smart and fun, typing here. So, I'm certain this guy or others are going to have fun playing and flirting with you. Some day, soon, you will want to escalate that, and you should be able to enjoy it. He will enjoy it, and it will go until it stops. Wordplay, touch response, kino, so on and on. . It is our nature, and that's a good thing. The chemistry there is going to lead to the relationship, or not, as it may be. And that's good, too. You will test him, as all women do, consciously or unconsciously, to see if he really is congruent with his persona, attractive until you permit more and more advances, offer another invitation, another small test. Don't get too hung up about it. It is the way things are, and you will naturally and easily find yourself enjoying the process, with just the right frame, that you will enjoy yourself, because you are a good person .

Best wishes. Go get'm tiger. Enjoy the approach, and the game. You will be good at it. Don't worry about keeping score.

 

1. because he wants sex in the park
2. because he wants sex in the park
3. because he's desperate for sex in the park

 

The problem with this aproach is that it will turn girls off in a second. They don't generally want a nice guy/boyfriend; they want that badguy or self-confident guy etc... So, they need to have an initial animal attraction to you (which you can screw up by being too nice) and, only after they think you are sexually compatible do they start wanting you to actually like them.

You can't win.

 

There is many smart guys in the world, if there is a definite way to tell being interested/uninterested, and to further tell the nature of interest - sex? love? - I guess somebody would've written a book on it and made millions.

If you can't read a guy's mind after spending time with him, what's the odds of reading his mind by a bunch of internet strangers off your scattered pieces of info?

Sex is part of love, a guy won't love a woman at first without a kind of sexual expectation. Sex isn't necessarily a bad thing towards love, it may well be the starting point of one. There was a case a guy went for a one night stand with a girl, then later on he found out he's in love with her. If a guy doesn't wanna sex you, he won't be in love with you. If a guy only want to sex with you, he is capable of treating such desire as love and you won't tell a damn difference unless you slept with him. And sometimes you still won't tell a difference even after you slept with him, because as PhiSlammaJamma pointed it out, he can love you sexually as long as there's no chance to upgrade.

Also, be fair to the guy. You seem like sitting on the fence, and wanting the poor guy to prove that he's really interested in you without actual dating or "anything past the point of friendship". Is that possible? What's he supposed to do?

The bottem line is, love is an affair of risks, if you want to have a relationship, be prepared to get hurt. Only time will tell. You have to take the good with the bad. Good luck.

 

ho man.. he definitely wants to hook up with you. The "I'm there for you" trick is very well known. So much so that it was even the center of a Seinfeld show.

If you want to know if a guy just wants to get in your pants, then the trick is to date him for a few times without sex (of any kind). If he just wants to get in your pants, he'll get frustrated and move on to an easier lay.

But I don't suggest even dating this guy. I don't like him already. He's lurking over your relationship like a buzzard over a dying animal... a tow truck at a car accident.

-- droxford

 

I thought you would have FIGURED IT OUT by now.

 

Yeah, but I'm not smooth and studly like yourself.

By the way, I'm guessing you could hook me up with all the babes, so when is that happening again?

 

On the contrary. Holy Christ, on the contrary.

 

You know he loves you if you manage to screw up his NCAA office pool and he's still hanging around.....

....not that Im venting at my wife or anything

 

Perhaps an internet message board is not the greatest pool of guys to ask advice on relationships from.

 

ARE YOU 16 YEARS OLD ISABEL?




no really i'm serious, are you? please?

 

Isabel;

You seem to have communications issues with men. As I've said repeatedly most men aren't wired up for emotional communication and it looks like that's what you're expecting from men.

Also somewhat in defense of this guy it sounds to me like you were looking to see if you had a backup plan to Ferdinand and were checking to see if the bullpen had what it took if the starter gave got in a jam, sorry about the baseball metaphor. Have you considered you might be the one who was giving mixed signals?

Guys don't enjoy being strung along just like women. If you're looking for someone else other than your current its probably time to move on. Its one thing if suddenly you get blindsided by your dream guy and another if you start looking around because you're dissatisfied with your current situation.

Sorry for being blunt but that's my take on the situation.

 

That is just hot, hot, hot, hot.

 

i'm new here, isabel. but i think you should post pics of yourself so we can all evaluate the situation more clearly.

thanks.

 

dare i state the obvious method, ask the guy?

not really a chance you will get some sort of complicated sort of maybe maybe not answer that actually means the opposite like women seem to do....

guys are more likely to not say anything if it is a good situation, ie they like the girl and are happy where the relationship is going and want things to continue just as they and make a natural progression.......

maybe we are harder to read and won't say anything, but generally thats mean things are going well and he is interested... when he's not you'll know by his obvious behaviour

if not checked to see if he has given him the 'Troy Mclure' on the nut sack that's a definite sign he is really keen on you

back to the another thoughts from page 1 guys can most definitely have strong non physical/attraction relationships with women for me my best friend is a women and it's great to have someone to talk to about heavy things

 

Isabel,

For me at least, I'm pretty paranoid. I think if a girl is willing to cheat for me, even if I've known her for 3 plus years, then what's to say that she won't cheat on me in the future? That eventually corrupts the entire perception of the relationship, kind of like what Desdemona's father said to Othello but without extreme outcome.

I think the guy was initially interested in all your qualities, but the marriage aspect got him wondering about the tangibles because the intangibles were getting murky (excuse my cryptic wording...). If you want another cryptic take, in your case it's lose-lose in the battle with the two headed monster....

So what's the verdict? You'll have to make a decision independent of what's lurking around the corner. If you have a fallback when your relationship ends, then it's not entirely fair to fallback, and you truly don't know how you feel about the fallback. Plus, since the fallback knows about your actions, he reacts accordingly. Change hurts, so maybe you were unconsciously using that dude as a cushion for change while expecting something to grow out of it?

Nothing is that perfect nor easy.

I salute that fictional character. It's sometimes hard to follow through in a situation like that. I guess the best thing is to avoid the Issue altogether.

 

I used to do like what Lil Pun said. But most of the time that she spent talking to me on the phone was about my best friend

In the end, she dated my best friend who was my exact opposite. He's good looking, cocky, disciplined, and full of crab. And he hates chatting on phone, but somehow these worked.

 

My wife is my best friend. We also have sex. Is that friends with benefits?? If it is, sign me up!!! At the heart of every relationship that lasts is a friendship. The ability to just relax...or as Mia Wallace says in Pulp Fiction...the ability to just "shut the F#$# up" and be quiet together. The best parts of our relationship are when we're joking around...making fun of each other...laughing at ourselves. That's real. Not candles, and hearts and butterflies. Life doesn't seem to work that way. Those are occasional elements...but if you're looking for that consistently, you will be disappointed with every man you ever meet. And that's not your husband's fault.

You need to seek counseling for you and your husband from somewhere other than this board. Soon. Before you do something you regret forever. Regret is a b****.

Sorry if this comes across too strong. Easier to come across that way on an internet message board, because I know you can ignore it.